


Arousal

by blackchaps



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 11:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 59,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10898817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: An unexpected meeting and romance between two teenagers find Toby and Elliot making new life choices.





	Arousal

*******

His arousal was painful. Unexpected. His skin suddenly felt tight, stretched across his body. He vaguely remembered feeling this way when he was younger. Intensely aware of eyes that danced away and the brush of a hand, unintentional, of course, as they accidentally bumped into each other. They’d both been attempting to avoid a rush of teenagers.

“Are you feeling well, Detective?”

The words were heard dimly, and he prayed that he looked calm. “Sure. No one’s spiked the punch yet.” He tried to laugh, and he must have succeeded.

“I don’t think anyone is going to spike the punch with a cop around.”

Elliot nearly blushed. “I don’t think anyone has noticed but you.” He snapped his badge off his belt and stuffed it in his coat pocket. “How did I get roped into this?”

“Like I know.”

Elliot watched him wander away towards the other side of the gym. Who was that guy? He didn’t remember asking for a name. No. He’d been too busy trying to hide his boner. Geez. He was such a loser.

“Hey, Dad, try not to look like you want to shoot someone, okay?”

Elliot smiled at his son. “I’ll try harder to look nice. Who are you dancing with?”

Dickie blushed and shuffled his feet. “Holly Beecher, she‛s new, and I really like her. Please don’t embarrass me.”

“Nice family?” Elliot hoped so. “And where’s your sister?”

Dickie shrugged, grabbed some punch, and disappeared into the mass of teenagers. That had been no answer at all. Hopefully, she had parents. Elliot sighed softly. Kathy had bailed at the last minute, and he’d come straight here from work. It didn’t kill him, but after spending the day chasing perps, he wanted to sit down. Glancing about, he spotted a chair, yanked it over, and sat down. The principal had put him in charge of the punch bowl, but he could do it sitting. He stretched his back, made sure his gun wasn’t digging into him, and tried to relax. At least, his johnson had settled down. He was definitely feeling the lack if a guy could get a rise out of him. The music got that much louder, and he rubbed his forehead.

“Some Tylenol?”

Elliot looked up fast. He shrugged and flashed a quick grin at the man he’d spoken to earlier. “I’m good. Long day.” He stood and nervously stuck out his hand. “Elliot Stabler.”

“Tobias Beecher.”

They shook hands, and Elliot nearly cringed as fireworks went off in his groin again. Damn. He put his hands in his pockets fast and leaned away. “Holly’s dad?”

“Yeah.” Tobias smiled. “How’d you know?”

“She’s dancing with my son, Richard.” Elliot was slightly reassured by the fact that Holly’s father was here. It showed that he cared, and it seemed most dads were never available these days. Dads like Elliot Stabler. Tobias gave him a look and walked away. Uh-oh. He’d seen it more than once over the years. Some people didn’t want their kids dating his kids. He was a cop, and for some reason, that wasn’t always a good thing. Dickie was going to kill him. Now, he needed that Tylenol.

A sudden mob of kids rushed the snack table, and he watched them closely. The boys were usually the culprits, but girls were no angels any longer. He finally had to move around the table, flash his big smile, and whisper, “Go put it in the trash, and I won’t tell the principal.”

The young lady blushed and sprinted away. Elliot watched her, and she ditched it. She wouldn’t be back to try again, and he hoped that would be the end of it. Kids today were always pushing their luck.

Tobias moved back into sight, and Elliot watched him break up a small scuffle between two boys with too much testosterone and not enough brain cells. Elliot noticed the lean body, nothing but muscles, and it made him intensely uncomfortable. He was checking out a guy, for God’s sake! Kathy would laugh her head off.

“So nice that you could come, Mr. Stabler.”

Elliot turned slightly and smiled at Dickie’s homeroom teacher, Miss Adams. “Glad to help. They seem to be having a good time.”

“They do, and as long as they don’t have too good a time, the school won’t be sued.” She grinned. She was cute and single, and Elliot wished his package noticed her.

“Richard likes Holly Beecher. Is she a new girl?” Elliot knew he’d get in trouble if Dickie found out, but he was curious.

“Transferred in right after the start of the school year. She’d been living with her uncle, but now that her father is home, she lives with him. Nice girl.” Adams gave him a small shrug. “Sad story, but she does remarkably well.”

Elliot didn’t ask. He didn’t want to know. It was always something that he wished he could fix, but he couldn’t, and he was left with the taste of ashes in his mouth. “Can you watch the punch bowl? I need to take a break.”

Adams nodded. “Of course!” Elliot gave her a smile and headed out into the hallway for the restroom. He wasn’t ducking out, just wishing he could. He nearly turned the corner when the voices made him stop.

“Holly, all I’m saying is that no matter how much you like him, I want you to be prepared for him to back away. His father, who we thought wasn’t in the picture much, is going to insist on it.”

“I like Richard,” Holly said softly.

Tobias groaned. “Like him, yes, but let’s not date him. His father’s a cop!”

“Not everyone is as prejudiced as you think they are!”

“I hope I’m wrong, but please, prepare your heart.”

Elliot turned immediately and went the other way. He didn’t want to hear any more, and he didn’t want them knowing that he’d heard. Back in the gym, he relieved Miss Adams and took up his post again in his chair. The music seemed to pound through his brain, and even though he noticed when Holly returned, he didn’t look directly at her. Dickie gave her a big smile, and they danced together - a slow one.

Tobias came through the door a few minutes later and headed for the other side of the gym. His eyes didn’t even slide over to the punch table. Elliot groaned softly. He hated not knowing. She seemed like a nice girl. Well, he’d trust his son. Dickie was growing up into a fine man, and Elliot liked to think that he got some of the credit. Kathy would probably argue about that.

“Hey, um, Elliot, is it?”

Elliot got out of the chair and forestalled the coming conversation. “Glad you’re here. I need a break. Take over.” He strode away before Tobias could say another word. Tobias could wait or change his mind and skip it. Elliot went back to the restroom and pushed open the door.

“Put them out and get out. Now!”

Boys bolted every direction, and he held open the door while they streamed out into the hallway. He rolled his eyes and went to piss. Finished, he washed his hands and stared in the mirror for two seconds. He looked old and tired. It wasn’t the years, it was the mileage. He dried his hands and walked slowly back towards the gym. How much longer? He tried to remember, but he was clueless, and he was glad that tomorrow was his day off.

Tobias was on duty, and he should’ve smiled, but he didn’t. Elliot didn’t either. “Thanks. I chased about ten boys out of the john. Smoking. Can’t they wait until college?”

“Doesn’t seem like they can.” Tobias checked his watch. “Another hour and we’ll be out of here.”

Elliot was glad to hear it. He looked out over the dancing crowd again, but couldn’t see his either of his children. Had Elizabeth come? She should have. This was her class too.

“Who are you looking for?”

“My daughter.” Elliot was careful not to snap, but Tobias needed to go elsewhere. “Richard is a twin.”

“Runs in families, I understand.”

Elliot stopped looking for her and glared at Tobias. “What’s that mean?”

Tobias shoved his hands in his pockets. “Aren’t you one?”

“That’s none of your business.” Elliot suddenly didn’t like the tone of this conversation. He left Tobias at the punch bowl and walked the perimeter of the dancing teenagers.

“Dad, you looked pissed, and you’re scaring people,” Dickie said and caught him by the arm. “Please, chill.”

Elliot had to smile at him. “Holly’s dad is asking questions and it’s making me nervous,” he said quietly, pulling him closer so they could talk over the music. “You know that nosy people drive me nuts.”

“You’re nosy.” Dickie laughed. “Sis is making eyes at a guy in the band.”

Elliot groaned. “I’ll go glare at her. You really like Holly?”

“Yeah. She’s cool and smart, and she knows the score.”

“What is the score?” Elliot wasn’t reassured, far from it.

“Cops ten, perps zero.” Dickie grinned and bounced away. Elliot rubbed his hand down his face and tried to figure out what that meant, but he had no idea. He did catch sight of Elizabeth and moved fast.

“Dad!”

“He’s too old for you. Go find someone more your age.” Elliot pulled his badge back out, clipped it to his belt, and glared at the band member. The young man took one look and went far away.

“You always spoil the fun.” She huffed. “But I love you.”

Elliot watched her dance away. She had been messing with him. She was like that - full of trouble. More like him than Dickie had ever been. He’d always been careful not to force her to do anything. No, he’d reasoned with her. He was not his father, damn it. Tobias was still at the punch bowl, and Elliot returned there out of guilt, nothing else. The explosion that had taken place earlier in his package was gone. His cop instincts told him that Tobias was a problem.

“I spiked the punch while you were gone.”

“I figured you would.” Elliot nodded. He could smell it now. Tobias was a troublemaker and probably always had been. What was acceptable in his children, wasn’t in someone else. “Beat it.”

Tobias drew back slightly. “You’re all the same.” He left quickly, and Elliot wondered what that meant. Elliot didn’t waste time worrying about it though. He still had to protect the punch bowl, and he aborted one more run before the principal came over to him.

“Mr. Stabler, I’ll need the names of any students that attempt to spike the punch.”

Elliot sighed, but quietly. He didn’t like this fellow, never had. “You should have told me earlier, Mr. Jenkins. How can I remember?”

“Point them out.”

Elliot shook his head. “I might make a mistake. You wouldn’t want to unjustly punish someone.”

Jenkins glared. “Did I see you speaking to Mr. Beecher?”

“Yeah. Nice guy.” Elliot threw it out there.

“Keep your eye on him as well. He hasn’t been out of prison that long!” Mr. Jenkins marched away to yell at other hapless teachers. Elliot eased down in his chair and rubbed his eyes. He was going to kill Kathy for this. Kill her. It was the giggling that made him look. Holly and Dickie were grabbing a snack.

“Hi, Mr. Stabler,” Holly said.

“Hi, Holly. Nice to meet you. Make sure Richard treats you right, okay?” Elliot smiled gently at her. No matter what her father had done, she deserved kindness.

“Dad!” Dickie groaned.

Holly giggled some more, and they went off with a plate of food. Elliot wasn’t surprised at all when Tobias showed up two minutes later.

“Please don’t take it out on her. She’s done nothing.” Tobias wasn’t begging. If anything, he looked defiant.

“But cope with a screw up for a father?” Elliot didn’t want to talk about this, but he had exactly no choice. Where did Kathy stand on this? Did she like Holly?

Tobias nodded. “Exactly.”

“They’re kids. It’s a passing infatuation.” Elliot turned slightly away. “Get over yourself.”

“Maybe you’re not as stupid as most cops.” Tobias didn’t hang around after that rude statement. He retreated to the other side of the gym again. Elliot sat back down and wished for a beer. He should’ve spike the punch. He laughed softly. They were just kids. Of course, he didn’t want Dickie going over to her house if her skel of a father was going to be there, but he’d talk to Kathy about it.

Finally, blessedly, the music ended, the principal made a few announcements, and the kids started filing out the doors. He made his way out to the parking lot and leaned against his car. The night air was a relief, and he didn’t mind waiting for his kids. Unfortunately, Tobias found him first.

“What?” Elliot asked before the skel started talking about his problems.

“Are you a twin?”

“Yeah.” Elliot wasn’t going to say any more about it, but the question was a surprise. Why did this guy care? And more importantly, what had he done to land behind bars? “What prison?”

“Oswald.”

Elliot controlled his reaction. He’d expected Rikers or somewhere cushy upstate for white collar crime. Suddenly, he connected the dots, and he didn’t like the picture. “I’m the good twin.”

“He was good too.” Tobias put his butt on the car and scooted up to sit. He pulled out his cell phone, pushed some numbers, and said, “Five minutes. Row three.”

Elliot didn’t get this guy at all, but he was suspicious. “So, what do you want from me?”

“Give my kid a break. That’s all.” Tobias shrugged. “And tell me where you buried him.”

Elliot grasped quickly for his temper before he lashed out in front of a bunch of teenagers. “None of your damn business!”

“Easy, easy. There are young people listening.” Tobias slid off and smiled. “I’ll ask Kathy. She’s cute. I like her.”

“You little prick,” Elliot ground out. He moved fast and caught a fistful of shirt. “I should slam-“

“Dad!”

Elliot turned him loose immediately. Dickie and Holly were both staring in horror. He could only smile. “Sorry. Grownups argue occasionally.”

Tobias brushed his shirt off. “No big deal. Holly, say your goodbyes. There’s the car.”

Elliot didn’t watch the children whisper. He took another step. “I like Holly, but don’t push your luck.”

“I don’t have any luck.” Tobias moved away from the car. A limo stopped, and he pulled open the back door. Holly waved and got in first. Tobias shut the door hard.

Elliot watched the limo pull away before turning to his son. “You sure know how to pick them.”

Dickie blushed. “She’s special.”

Elliot got in the car before he started yelling. She was wealthy, her dad was an ex-con, and worse yet, he knew about Chris. Dickie and Elizabeth piled in the back, and Elliot took them home. Well, he took them to Kathy’s new place. Kathy had lived with her mother at first, and then found a place to rent. It was nice enough, but it wasn’t their home. The ride was pretty quiet. His twins talked softly to each other once or twice, and he pretended not to notice that they still had their own code. They dashed out of the car immediately, and he followed, but more slowly.

Kathy was in the kitchen, cleaning up, and she looked tired. “Thanks for doing that.”

“Not a problem.” Elliot put his hands on his hips. “What do you know about Holly Beecher?”

Kathy shrugged. “Nice girl. Dickie, or Richard, as he prefers to be called now, really likes her. I met her father. He seemed nice enough. They’re rich, but not snobs.”

“I noticed the limo.” Elliot knew he was glaring. “Stay away from her father. He’s trouble.”

“And you aren’t?” Kathy laughed at him. “I may have to date him now. I could double with Dickie.”

Elliot didn’t find that amusing at all. “He was in Oswald with Chris. Chances are good that he’s dangerous.”

Kathy’s mouth fell open. “No kidding? Wow. No wonder you look like you ate bad fish.” She poured two cups of coffee and sat down. She knew he’d join her. “What did he say?”

“He wants to know where Chris is buried,” Elliot said softly and sat down. “I didn’t tell him.”

“Why not? Maybe they were close friends.”

“In prison?” Elliot didn’t want to think about it. If his brother had a bitch, well, he didn’t want to know, ever. “Don’t give him the time of day.”

“I’m not going to be rude.” Kathy never listened. “You need to get over it.”

“He was my brother.”

“You never knew him! Your parents gave him away when you two were born. You’re not responsible, and you didn’t even know about him until he was dead.” Kathy had plenty of answers, but she didn’t understand. “Be pissed at your father, not Tobias.”

“Oh, I’m pissed at my dad.” Elliot thought that was the understatement of the year. “But stay away from Tobias. There’s no telling what he really wants.”

“Elliot, go home. Get some sleep.” Kathy sipped her coffee. “Child support is due next week.”

“I’m aware of that.” Elliot hadn’t even sipped the coffee, and he wouldn’t now. He went through the house, kissed his kids, and then went out to the car. She would do what she wanted. Damn it. He’d have to talk to Tobias - man to man. Damn it!

“Dad!” Dickie came barreling out of the house.

Elliot rolled down the window. “What’s up?”

“Since tomorrow is your day off, could you take Holly and me to the movies? Please?” Dickie’s eyes begged. “The big cineplex has ten screens. You can find something you want to watch!”

Elliot rubbed his eyes and knew he was helpless. “What time?”

“Can we meet here at four?” Dickie smiled so big at him. “You’re the best, Dad.”

“Suck up,” Elliot muttered after his son ran off. He didn’t mind going to the movies on his day off, and he’d just have to hope that Tobias stayed far away.

********

“Dad?”

“I’m getting in the car.” Elliot nearly laughed. “You must like her.”

“Yeah. Please be nice. Bye.” Dickie clicked off. Elliot shut his cell and grabbed his keys. He wasn’t sure he remembered ever being crazy for a girl. Kathy might smack him upside the head, but all he remembered was fast and furious sex, followed by a complication that had forced him to make some hard choices. He kept his eyes on the road and made it there by five minutes after four. It could have been worse. There was a limo out front, and he prayed that Holly was the only one in it.

Elliot slammed the car door and leaned against it. He’d wait out here. He adjusted his leather jacket and checked to make sure he had money. When he looked up, a small bomb went off in his jeans. Angrily, he pressed his lips together, uncertain of what to say.

Tobias slipped his hand through his hair. “Can I go?”

The urge to snap at him was overwhelming, but the earnest look on Tobias’s face made it impossible. “Can’t you can find something else to do on a Sunday night?”

“Dad!”

Elliot was glad for the diversion, and he turned so he could adjust his jeans. Dickie was two steps behind Holly, and they laughed together. Love in the afternoon. Great. “Dad, can we take the limo, please? Holly’s dad says it’s okay.”

Holly looked at him with huge blue eyes. Elliot rubbed his forehead. He was caught. He could send his son to the movies with a skel or ride in a limo, and neither was appealing in the least. If Dickie were older, none of this would be necessary. Elliot shrugged. “Sure.”

They raced off together, but Tobias hesitated. “You coming?”

“I’ll drive my car.” Elliot was not getting in the limo. No way in hell.

Tobias nodded, moved fast around the side of the car, and got in. Elliot felt his jaw creak, but he managed to get in without slamming the door too hard. “Get out.”

“If you think I’m riding with two hormone-crazed teenagers, you’re crazy.” Tobias buckled up.

Elliot had to rub his face. He fished out his keys. “They better not be necking.”

“Right.” Tobias laughed. “Richard told me you were strict, but I figured that when I saw the picture of you in your uniform.”

Elliot pulled out of the driveway and followed the limo towards the cineplex. This was not how he’d wanted to spend his day off - chaperoning two thirteen year olds and a skel. “How often do you hang out at my house?”

“Kathy’s house. You’re divorced, remember?” Tobias shot him a look. “I’ve dropped Holly off to do her homework with Richard twice. The last time, Kathy invited me in for coffee. Your picture is in the front room.”

Elliot wondered how Tobias would have arranged to meet him if they hadn’t met at the dance last night. “Did you cry?”

Tobias tapped his fingers on his leg and looked out the window. “You’re a bastard, just like him.”

“You don’t know me.”

“You didn’t know him.”

Elliot watched the road, made the correct turn, and parked quickly. “Just tell me what you want.”

“I made that clear last night, and don’t pretend that you don’t remember.” Tobias got out of the car fast and snapped open his cell phone. “I’ll call you later, but you can meet us at the Stabler residence.”

Elliot rolled his eyes. “Must be nice having a chauffeur.”

“Must be nice having a driver’s license,” Tobias bitched right back at him.

Elliot watched the Dickie and Holly get out of the limo, and they went inside without a care. They’d pretend they didn’t have a father close by for the next couple of hours, and that was fine. “Why don’t you go watch a movie?”

Tobias stuck his hands in his pockets. “While they’re busy, we can talk. What do I have to give you for the information?”

Elliot narrowed his eyes. “This ain’t Oz. You don’t have anything I need.”

“Money? Or how about I tell you what kind of man he was?” Tobias didn’t smile.

“I know what kind of man he was.” Elliot thought he did. “And I don’t need your damn money.”

Tobias looked down, rubbed his face, and put out his hands. “Just like Chris, I’m always begging. Please, Detective Stabler. I loved him. He loved me. Let me take some flowers out to his grave and say goodbye.”

Elliot leaned against his car. Tobias was pleading, and he didn’t like it. Elliot bit his lip and said quietly, “Love? In Oz?”

“One in a million shot, I know.” Tobias took one step closer. “We shared something. I don’t think I realized how much I loved him until he was gone. Please.”

“I’ll take you.” Elliot made up his mind fast. He wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, but it was the only way to get this guy out of his life. “Get in.”

“Now?” Tobias looked at the cineplex. “But-”

“We got two hours. Get in.” Elliot got in and started the engine. He had made up his mind to do this, but he wasn’t happy about it.

Tobias got in fast. “Thanks.”

“Shut up,” Elliot growled. “Never in a million years did I think I’d have to take my brother’s prison wife out to his grave.” He gunned the engine and got them moving. It’d take twenty minutes to get there.

“Fuck you.”

“Right back at ya.” Elliot just drove. He didn’t chat and he didn’t answer any of the questions Tobias threw at him. Only after he parked, did he say, “Come on.”

Tobias followed him through the cemetery. The sun was starting to go down, but he knew exactly where it was. Tobias finally said, “Go back to the car.”

“Why? So you can cry like the bitch you are?” Elliot was surprised at the anger that came out. He wasn’t usually such an asshole, but being here made him furious.

“You’re almost a bigger asshole than he was.” Tobias caressed the stone gently. “How the fuck did this happen?”

“My damn father.” Elliot took a deep breath. He might as well tell the truth. “I’m the youngest of six. My father thought twins was a very bad idea, so he gave Chris away. No adoption, no paperwork, just gave him away to a family that couldn’t have children.” He choked back the rest of the words that he’d said to himself more than once. His father had given Chris away like a damn puppy!

“How the hell did they find you after he died?” Tobias looked stunned.

“There was no birth certificate so they sent out an email with his mugshot, asking for any information. One of my buddies saw it and sent it to me. Weirdest damn day of my life.” Elliot sighed softly. “I always knew something was missing.”

“Damn.” Tobias crouched down and pulled a weed that had grown up in front of the headstone. “I assumed he went to Potter’s Field.”

“I had to go get him.” Elliot had hated that day more than any other in his life. His father had screwed him over one last time. “Was it you that killed him?”

Tobias jerked up. “No! I tried to stop him!”

“Suicide is a sin. Chris wouldn’t have done it. Are you the prisoner that was implicated in his death?” Elliot knew the answer from the look on Tobias’s face. “You killed him.”

“I swear to God that I didn’t. He kissed me and shoved backwards. I tried to grab him, but he fell.” Tobias put his head in his hands. “I told him that we were finished, but he did it!”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Elliot turned away in disgust and went back to the car. He got in and put his head in his hands. There was nothing he could do. The review board had found Tobias not guilty. Of course, Elliot had only known the number, not the name. Now he had a face to go with it. His johnson gave a pulse, and he looked down at his idiot self. It made sense now. They were twins. Chris had felt something for him, and now Elliot found him attractive also. It was ridiculous, but true. The height of stupidity, but his dick didn’t know that.

“Let’s go. I don’t want Holly to think something bad happened,” Tobias said harshly as he got in the car.

“She’d probably think I arrested you.”

“Probably.” Tobias kept his face turned away. “Thanks anyway, ya dickhead.”

Elliot didn’t snap back at him. It didn’t seem worth it. This bitch had known his brother. Tobias gave him a long glare. Elliot shifted uncomfortably. He suddenly felt as if he were at a disadvantage. “You got what you wanted. Now you can leave my family alone.”

“Holly still likes Richard. I had nothing to do with that.”

“Bet you shit your pants when you saw my picture at the house.” Elliot knew it was true.

“Apt description. I cried for a week.” Tobias suddenly grinned. “Just like the little bitch I am.”

Elliot drove faster. He would not feel guilty. Damn it. The trip back went faster than the trip out, and he parked the car again. This time, he went towards the front door without looking to see if Tobias was following. He was though, and they went through the door together. Their shoulders brushed, and Elliot hated himself. Hated his twin self, and hated his dick. He found a bench near the entrance and sat down. He’d be damned if he’d pay to watch fifteen minutes of a movie. Tobias went towards the restroom, and Elliot pulled out his cell phone.

“Hey, Liv, anything going on today?”

“Not much.” Olivia hesitated. “It’s your day off.”

“Just making sure you had my number.” Elliot wished he were needed, right now would be good.

“Funny. Enjoy the evening. Bye.” Olivia clicked off, and Elliot tucked the phone away and laughed softly.

“Girlfriend?”

Elliot ignored that. He wasn’t going to chat it up with the skel that had killed his brother. Time seemed to crawl, and he edged away when Tobias sat down on the other end of the bench.

“You’re overdoing it. I’m not that bad.”

Elliot thought Tobias was that bad, but his dick was in serious disagreement. “How’d you end up with custody of your daughter?”

“They’re my children. Mine.” Tobias looked offended.

“That must be an oversight by the Child Protection Services.” Elliot shrugged. “I could make a call or two.”

Tobias flashed to his feet and stuck his finger in Elliot’s face. “Back off! I’ve lost everything but my kids, and I’ll be fucked if you’re going to take them too!”

Elliot smiled. “Shut up and sit down or I’ll arrest you for being a public nuisance.”

Tobias sat down and turned his back, but Elliot heard him mutter, “Prick. All I wanted was to say goodbye. I’m such a fucking idiot.”

Elliot tried to ignore the small clench in his guts. He understood too well what it was to be a complete screw up. He also knew the desperation that came from not being able to see his kids. Damn. Maybe he needed to slow down, and give Tobias a break, but not a big one. “Look, Toby, I won’t do that, unless I see something inappropriate.”

Tobias sniffed. “Chris called me Toby. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t.”

“Whatever.” Elliot hoped that Tobias had heard the rest of that sentence. “Holly isn’t your only child?”

“My son, Harry, is with my brother today. He attends a magnet school.”

Elliot nodded as if he cared. “How long have you been out?”

“Less than a year.” Tobias rubbed his face. “I didn’t kill your brother. I swear on my children.”

Elliot blinked in surprise. He believed that, and he shouldn’t. Skels knew how to play to their audience, and Oz was the worst prison on the Eastern seaboard. Tobias had, no doubt, learned all the tricks. Elliot checked the time and asked, “So, you’re gay?”

“Excuse me?” Tobias got back to his feet. Now, he just looked pissed.

Elliot eased up, in case he had to dodge a fist. The damn movie had better end soon. “You loved him. You must be gay or stupid.”

A huge vein popped out on Tobias’s forehead. “I hate cops. Hate them. You live in your own little world where everything is black and white, like your cars, and you never dare to think outside the box that you’re busy throwing people inside. I’ve never met a cop that used his brain. I know I never will.”

Elliot clenched his fist to bust him across the mouth.

“Dad!” Dickie came up fast. “Hey, Mr. Beecher. Can we get pizza now? We’re starved!”

Tobias looked at him. Elliot put his fist in his pocket for later. “Let’s just go home. You have school tomorrow.”

“Please?” Dickie used his big blue eyes to good effect again. “It’s early!”

“Tobias has things he has to do,” Elliot said, afraid he sounded desperate.

“My shank is sharp enough. It’s okay with me. I’m sure Elliot knows a good place,” Tobias said.

Dickie grinned. Holly came from the direction of the restroom, and Elliot saw the hope on her face. Poor kid. A skel for a father. How many years had she suffered through searches at Oz, just to see her loser dad? Elliot rubbed his forehead. “Okay, but home after that.”

“Cool!” Dickie grabbed Holly’s hand, and they went out the door. Tobias was behind him, and Elliot felt his shoulder blades itch. That shank had better be nothing but talk. They piled in the car, and Dickie complained about the lack of the limo, “Did you have to send it away?”

Holly giggled. “Eduardo needed his dinner too.”

Tobias turned slightly in the seat. “I’d rather have a car, but I’m stuck with limos.”

“Poor baby,” Elliot said softly. He tried to remember where the closest pizza place was. “Was the movie good?”

“Yeah, sure.” Dickie sat back, and Elliot ignored the whispers and laughter.

Tobias shifted in his seat. “Like they watched it.”

Elliot made up his mind to talk to Kathy. Tobias might not mind if his girl was bubbling with hormones, but Dickie was going to keep it zipped. Elliott took a shortcut and got them to the Pizza Palace in good time. He turned around, but made sure not to bump Tobias. “Are you buying, Richard?”

Dickie smiled. “Not yours, but hers, yeah.”

“Well, go on your date. When we come in, pretend you don’t know us.” Elliot smiled. They left the car very quickly, both grinning.

Tobias sighed softly. “So, you’re not a complete asshole.”

Elliot rubbed his hands down his jeans. “After tonight, I don’t ever want to see you again.”

Tobias shrugged. “Like I care.”

“I don’t want you thinking we shared a moment or anything.” Elliot watched him closely.

“A moment?” Tobias laughed. “I don’t give a shit about you.”

“Good.” Elliot was relieved to hear it. The last thing he needed was a stalker. “Let’s go eat.”

“You can pretend you don’t know me.”

“I don’t.”

“And you never fucking will.”

They both slammed their car doors and went inside. Unfortunately, Elliot’s plan of having a quiet meal alone was ruined by a sweet girl with blue eyes and a heart full of pain. She got up from her table with Dickie and whispered in Elliot’s ear, “Please be his friend. He doesn’t have a single one.”

Elliot knew why - the guy was a jerk. “I don’t think-”

“Give him a chance,” she said softly. “Please.”

“Okay, but I hope you’re not expecting much.” Elliot resigned himself to the fact that children of any age could force him to do their will, especially when they’d been victims. He sighed and claimed the other side of the booth from Tobias. Tobias gave him a dirty look. He’d probably cultivated it in Oz. Elliot looked over the menu. “What are we getting?”

“Let me guess what you like - supreme, extra cheese, thick crust?” Toby smirked.

Elliot’s eyebrows went up. “Yeah. But we could get something else.”

“It’s fine.” Tobias shrugged. “Better get a side of buffalo wings too.”

“Suddenly, I think I’m at a disadvantage.” Elliot didn’t like it. He changed the subject. “Holly is a great kid.”

“I know it amazes you.” Tobias glanced over at her. “Don’t underestimate her. She’s tough.”

Elliot looked also. “She looks like a fairy princess.”

“Yeah, the one that carries the sword and slays the dragon. Oz taught her how to be brave, and she learned it well.” Tobias sniffed. “My damn fault, but everything is, so pile it on.”

Elliot almost laughed. He ate and slept that feeling every day of his life. “Dickie ain’t so tough.”

Tobias gave a tiny jerk. “You call him Dickie?”

“It was a childhood nickname. He’s outgrown it, but it slips out occasionally.” Elliot blushed. He worked hard not to say it, and it had popped out at the worst possible moment.

“I’m surprised he’s alive. The playground can be tougher than the yard at Rikers.” Tobias laughed softly. “Dickie. Kathy’s smart, so that must have been a dumb cop idea.”

Elliot swallowed back several curse words and a threat. The waitress finally showed up, and he ordered the pizza and wings. “Also, I want a long neck, domestic, if you got it.”

“Sure, and for you?”

“Coke is fine.” Tobias smiled at him. “Drinking and driving don’t mix.”

“One with pizza is nothing and you know it.” Elliot felt he had to defend himself. “Rikers?”

“We got shipped there after that little bio-hazard incident.” Tobias leaned forward and whispered, “Where did Chris get that stuff anyway?”

Elliot had no idea what Tobias was talking about. He’d skimmed Chris’s file, but he hadn’t memorized it. “I don’t understand, and I don’t want to discuss Chris, at all.”

“I thought you knew everything.” Tobias leaned back. The waitress delivered their drinks, and Elliot sipped his beer. Tobias watched him. “Chris loved beer. Loved it. Once, he managed to buy a couple of Coronas from one of the Hispanic guys. He’d have fought to the death to keep them.”

“Sounds lovely.” Elliot made up his mind that he wasn’t going to argue or curse any more tonight. After this, he’d never see Tobias again. That would be enough. “Did he give you a drink?”

“I loved him enough not to ask.” Tobias smiled. “And, I’m an alcoholic.”

Elliot heard the easy tone which belied years of pain. “My dad was too. He used to beat us when he was drunk.” He pointedly looked at Holly.

Tobias sniffed. “I knew you were anal for a reason.”

Elliot had to get away from him, and he quickly went to the restroom. These pizza places took forever, and that had been Dickie’s plan, but damn it! He had to shut his mouth. He’d never told anyone but his shrink that, and it was certainly none of Tobias’s business! He took several deep breaths, pissed, and washed his hands. Thank God he wasn’t carrying his gun. He chuckled to himself. Shooting Tobias wasn’t an option. After a few more deep breaths, he returned to the booth, shucked off his coat, and sat down. He pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and told himself twice not to say a damn thing. Not one word.

“Nice tat.”

Elliot drank some beer. That didn’t need an answer anyway. He watched his son flirt and tried to remember his first girlfriend.

“You like Mr. Jenkins?”

“He’s a prick.” Elliot wanted to slap himself. He’d managed to be quiet two minutes. Lord, he was a loser. “Ignore him, but get on the good side of the secretary.”

“Did that. I took her out last week. Nice lady.” Tobias grinned. “What?”

“Nothing,” Elliot muttered. “I guess you’re not gay.”

Tobias snorted and shook his head. “No, but you’re cute enough.” He laughed. Thank God the waitress arrived with the buffalo wings. It saved Elliot from reaching across the table and choking Tobias to death. Tobias kept at it. “Hey, I guess this counts as a date. Maybe I am gay.”

Elliot glared and took some wings. “Just shut up.”

“Okay.” Tobias took a couple, but not much. “I like these, but I like those blooming onions better.”

Elliot didn’t answer. He was beginning to think he was completely out of his depth. Tobias went from angry to happy and back again in the space of minutes. He was either a nutjob or extremely nervous, and Elliot didn’t want to guess which. The wings were good, and he refused to talk while he was eating. The beer washed the heat away, and he nearly ordered another one, but since Tobias didn’t have a driver’s license that wasn’t an option.

“No license?” He was making sure.

“Condition of my early release. No license, not ever.” Tobias shrugged. “I can call my limo if you want to get drunk. No big deal.”

Elliot considered one more, but he would look weak, and he wasn’t. “I’ll get a Coke.”

“You’re scared of my limo. That’s interesting.” Tobias pulled out his phone. Elliot shook his head, but Tobias made the call and gave the driver the location. “No rush.”

Elliot wiped his hands on the napkin, drained his beer, and refused to give in to temptation. “You must be loaded to afford a limo.”

“I don’t own it. I use a company, and it’s cheaper than you’d think. The company employs illegals. I almost always get Eduardo.” Tobias shrugged. “He sends the money home. I try to tip him well at the end of each day.”

“You trust him?” Elliot wasn’t surprised. He’d seen it all in this city.

“To drive. Yes.” Tobias gave him a sharp look. “I don’t trust anyone.”

“Not even Holly?” Elliot couldn’t resist a dig at him.

“That’s different and you know it.” Tobias waved the waitress over and ordered two Cokes. Elliot didn’t argue about it. Another beer was a bad idea. Tobias shrugged. “Are you in homicide?”

“Special Victims Unit.” Elliot took a breath to explain, but Tobias cut him off.

“Yeah, I can see that. Chris would have made a good cop. Well, maybe a bounty hunter, but something where you can kick ass and get away with it.” Tobias paused. “Sorry. You don’t want me talking about him.”

“I’d rather we didn’t. You being his bitch and all.” Elliot saw the anger come and go across Tobias’s face. He’d only said it to shut Tobias up permanently about Chris. Chris was dead, and there was no chance to get to know him.

Tobias gave him a look without anger, only sadness. “You’re right. You’re better off not knowing.”

At that moment, the pizza arrived, and Elliot nearly cheered. They could eat and leave and never glance at each other again, but there was one thing that he had to make clear. “Richard doesn’t know about his uncle.”

“I think he does. There’s a picture of Chris in my living room.” Tobias looked him right in the eye. “Richard came over to study last week.”

“God damn it.” Elliot made sure not to scream it. “What were the damn odds? Jesus Christ. How the hell am I going to explain it?”

“Settle down. Richard is no fool. He’s watched you be a cop his entire life. Just leave out the part where Chris killed a bunch of people.”

Elliot felt forced into a corner. “A little picture or a huge mosiac with candles in front of it?”

Tobias had the nerve to laugh. “It’s huge. Gilded in gold and hangs over the fireplace. I throw money at it, play Led Zeppelin, and dance naked.”

“I really don’t like you.” Elliot meant that. Lord, did he.

“Yeah. I got that feeling. Eat. Pretty soon, you can give me the kiss off.” Tobias picked up some pizza. “Chris was right. This is really good.”

Elliot ate, but it sat in his stomach like a lead ball. Damn it. He didn’t want to deal with this. He wanted to shove it under the rug and pretend it didn’t exist. This was something else that could be laid at his father’s door. The old man had better be rotting in hell. “I think they’re done. We’re leaving.”

“Are we going to let them take the limo back?” Tobias asked softly. “Your decision.”

“Why? You my bitch too?” Elliot snapped.

“Fuck you.” Tobias got up fast, threw down a fifty, and went to Holly. “Come on. It’s time to go home.”

Elliot leaned back and watched them leave. Him, insisting, and her protesting every other step of the way. Dickie sat down in the booth across from him. “What did you say?”

“Dickie, some respect or you’ll lose privileges.” Elliot meant that, and he watched his son take a deep breath and stomp on his temper. “You knew he was an ex-con. Did you think it’d be sunshine and roses?”

“I guess - I guess I thought you’d give him a chance. He loved Uncle Chris. It should count for something.” Dickie leaned forward.

“Him being gay doesn’t bother you?” Elliot avoided the first part of that. His son thought he was a better man than he was. And Uncle Chris was definitely out of the bag.

“He’s not gay! It was prison.” Dickie sounded as if he knew, and he couldn‛t. “And anyway, you’ve never had a problem with gays before.”

Elliot picked up his Coke and took a long drink. His son had all the answers. “I don’t mind if you date her, but I don’t like him.”

“I pray to God he’s more reasonable than you are.” Dickie sighed heavily. “I think I love her.”

“You’re young. Please, Richard, don’t make the mistake I did.” Elliot wanted the words back instantly.

Dickie nodded. “Don’t worry. I know how to put on a condom!”

Elliot felt his control slipping away. “She’s too young. You are too. Please, keep it zipped for a few years.”

“You regret having us. I always knew it.” Dickie looked up at him.

“I knew how to put on a condom too.” Elliot hadn’t expected to have this conversation for a couple of more years. “And you four are the best thing in my life. I have never regretted you, not one day, not one minute.”

Dickie picked up a piece of pizza and took a bite. “I love you, but I was angry when I found out about one of my own family from the new girl at school!”

Elliot looked around the restaurant. This was no place to discuss Chris Keller. “Let’s take this conversation to the car.” He had a lot of explaining to do, and irrational as it was, he blamed Tobias.

*********

“What are you working on, Elliot?”

Elliot leaned back in his chair, pulled the straw from his soda, and stuck it in his mouth to chew on. “I’m looking into the family of the girl my son is dating.”

“Why? They a bunch of drug dealers?” Olivia’s eyes were big.

“Dad’s an ex-con. If he’s gonna pull a shank at prom, I want to be ready.” Elliot wasn’t completely joking. His thirty minute break was over though, and he had barely skimmed the surface. The file was huge. Damn. He’d have to put in some hours after work if he wanted any answers, and he did. Holly and Dickie were still studying together and probably necking when no one was looking.

“What’d he do?”

“Got fifteen for vehicular manslaughter.” Elliot had been surprised.

“Tough sentence.”

“He killed a little girl while driving drunk. The judge made an example of him. Fifteen at Oswald.” He watched her react. She was shocked. Well, he’d been furious at first and then fairness had forced him to admit the sentence was harsh.

Olivia finished her lunch and then commented, “I’m surprised he’s not dead. I assume he’s white.”

“And wealthy.” Elliot nodded. “He was someone’s bitch.” He sure as hell wasn’t mentioning that it was his brother that had needed a wife. There was more to the story, but he didn’t have time to figure it out right now.

“The mom?”

“Dead. Suicide. The daughter, Holly, is a nice girl, and Dickie’s attached to her.” Elliot chewed the straw harder. “The dad’s an asswipe.”

“An alcoholic that spent years in Oz as someone’s bitch? Ouch, Elliot, that can’t be good.”

“No kidding.” Elliot transferred the file to his portable disk and tried to forget it until later. “Now, how about the case we’re supposed to be working on?”

*********

“I invited Tobias and his family over for Sunday dinner.”

Elliot swallowed hard. “Why?” He barely managed not to yell, but it was close.

“I’ve given up trying to slide a piece of paper between Dickie and Holly. It’s not going to happen, so I’m going to get to know him better. Dickie spends a lot of time over there.”

Elliot didn’t want to hear that. “Kathy, I-”

“I know this bothers you, but I did it. You usually come for Sunday dinner, but if you don’t want to, I don’t care.”

Elliot knew she didn’t care, but it still hurt like hell to hear it. “Are you dating him?”

“He’s not my type.”

Elliot forced his hand to unclench from around the phone. That didn’t mean they hadn’t dated. “I’ll be there.”

“Fine, but if you bring that badass attitude, I’m kicking you to the curb.” Kathy disconnected fast.

Elliot didn’t bother to call her back. He could go and act like an adult or he could act like an idiot and she’d call a squad car. She would. He rubbed his forehead, got his coat, and headed home. He’d finish reading Tobias’s file, and he had a feeling it was going to be hard to avoid discussing some of the finer points of it.

*********

Elliot took a nice bottle of Chianti with him for Kathy, but he nearly didn’t give it to her when his sharp eyes caught the new bouquet of flowers on the coffee table. Tobias was already here.

Kathy smiled over the bottle though, but her words weren’t as nice as her smile. “Behave or you’re gone.”

“Thanks,” Elliot growled. He took off his coat and hung it in the hall closet. He’d be damned if he’d go looking for Tobias, but he wanted to see his kids, so he went upstairs. Holly and Dickie threw him a wave, and he didn’t stop to interrupt them. The girls were in a clump around the computer, and when they parted, he saw why. A boy, about nine years old, dark hair, blue eyes, and a serious expression was showing them something. Elliot said softly, “Hi, girls.”

They mobbed him, and he gave them all kisses. “Who’s your new friend?”

The boy blushed, and Kathleen spoke up. “This is Harry. Holly’s brother. He’s a whiz on the computer. He knows the best sites!”

“Nice to meet you, Harry.” Elliot stuck out his hand, and Harry tentatively shook it. “The right kind of sites?”

“Of course, sir,” Harry said quietly. The girls swarmed him again, and Elliot nearly laughed as he saw a cartoon kitten being blown out of a cannon. Maybe it was safe. He wandered back down towards the kitchen. God help him, he knew more than he should about Tobias Beecher and his family, and he was afraid it was all over his face.

Tobias was at the kitchen table, making nice, and Kathy was cooking. It smelled like meat loaf, and hers was the best. She hadn’t made it for him in a very long time.

“Hey, Beecher.” Elliot stuck out his hand. He had to play this cool.

Tobias stood and took the offered hand, which, considering their last words, was a surprise. “Stabler.”

It hit him like a truck. His arousal was painful, abrupt, and he sat down fast to cover it. It made his head swim and his skin hurt, but more than anything, it made him furious. Kathy put a long neck in front of him.

“Thanks.” Stabler hoped his face wasn’t beet red. Tonight, he was indulging in more than one. Kathy usually let him sleep on the couch. “I met your son. He’s a whiz at the computer, huh?”

“He’s already building them.” Tobias shook his head. “I don’t know where he gets his smarts.”

“Me neither.” Elliot caught the fast glare that Kathy shot him. He took a long drink and made up his mind to listen to them chat, instead of talking and getting kicked out before the meatloaf.

“Are you divorced, Tobias?” Kathy asked innocently. Elliot tried to look as if he didn’t know the answer.

“My wife passed away not long after Harry was born.” Tobias sipped his coffee.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Kathy said, and Elliot nodded. “So, two kids and two schools?”

“Makes the day interesting,” Tobias said and laughed. “Harry lives part-time with my brother to make it easier.”

Elliot had to bite his tongue. He filled his mouth with beer so he said nothing. Kathy gave a quick nod. “Nowadays, any family help is appreciated. So much is going on in their young lives.”

“Yeah. When we were kids there was nothing to do but watch the grass grow.” Tobias and Kathy laughed together, and Elliot didn’t bother to try. He checked his johnson, but he couldn’t get up yet. He wanted to curse at his pecker, and that was ridiculous. What was the damn deal? Christ, his ex-wife was three feet away, and his dick didn’t give a damn about her.

“I appreciate you putting up with Richard,” Kathy said. “He can be a pest.”

“He’s a nice young man. He told me he wants to be a lawyer when he grows up.”

Elliot glared. “On a cop’s salary? He better pray we find oil out back.”

Kathy moved close enough to whack him with a wooden spoon. “Elliot has a bizarre sense of humor.”

Tobias grinned. “I see that. There are always avenues. My brother’s law firm gives out several scholarships each year.”

Elliot nearly threw up his hand and shouted no, but he pressed his lips together and waited for Kathy’s reaction. Kathy gave him a look and said, “Your brother is a lawyer? That’s nice.” She glossed over the scholarship part.

“Family business.”

“What’s your job?” Elliot had to ask. He did, and he wouldn’t apologize for it.

“I help out in little ways.” Tobias smiled and didn’t look uncomfortable. “I also do some pro bono work.”

Elliot began to think he’d just chew his tongue right off. “Doesn’t being disbarred slow you down?”

Kathy made a small huff that meant Elliot was on his last leg. Tobias shrugged. “Not really.”

“Elliot, go tell the kids to wash up.”

Elliot took his beer and went. He was one comment away from missing out on the meatloaf. Holly and Dickie were still in his room, heads bent over their homework. He knocked on the doorjamb and said, “Go wash for dinner.”

They both looked up and nodded. “Glad you’re here, Dad,” Dickie said. “You’re being nice, right?”

“Son, don’t push your luck.” Elliot would not be chastised by a thirteen year old. Dickie slid out the door, but Holly paused and looked up at him.

“He does try hard. It’s not his fault all that bad stuff happened in prison.”

Elliot nodded slowly. “It’s not your job to protect him. It’s your job to be a kid.”

Holly shrugged. “Not always easy.”

“I know.” Elliot put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You’re a great kid, Holly.”

Holly smiled and went off towards the bathroom. She was the true victim in Tobias’s sad story. Harry was too young to remember, and the other son was dead. Elliot rubbed his face. He was going to have to speak honestly with Tobias, but it could wait until much later.

*********

“You acted like an ass!”

Elliot got his coat before she finished her sentence. “He’s a skel!”

“His daughter isn’t, and all you’re doing is hurting her!” Kathy put her hands on her hips. “Out. Go. I’ve had enough you.”

“Got it.” Elliot practically stumbled out the door. He’d had a six-pack and had no business driving, but she wanted him out, and he was going. He cursed when he saw that the limo was still out front, and Tobias was leaning against it with a smirk a mile wide. Elliot went to his car anyway, but Tobias plucked the keys from him.

“No. Get in the limo.” Tobias pointed. “You jackass.”

Elliot considered decking him and sleeping in the car, but Tobias had a look about him as if he expected that. “I’ll sleep in the car.”

“No. You’ll get in the limo and behave in front of my children.” Tobias smiled as if they were having a pleasant conversation.

Elliot took a deep breath. Suddenly, he noticed his son watching him from the upstairs window. Dickie looked scared. Elliot nearly cringed. He was acting like his father. He was, and it made him want to puke. “Fine.” He got in the limo and sat back. Harry and Holly both looked scared of him, and he was deeply ashamed. Tobias got in, sat down, and tapped the glass. The ride was a long one, and not because of the distance. The kids got out fast, but Tobias waited for him.

Elliot looked at the brownstone and saw nothing but money. “Have him take me home.”

“Come on in. We can talk - honestly. After I put the kids to bed.” Tobias smiled. “Chicken?”

“No, but I’m not sure I want to waste my time.” Elliot hesitated and then followed him. The place was nice, not overly done, and he found a comfortable chair to sit in. His head was a little woozy, but he was far from drunk. He shut his eyes and waited, trying not to think of anything.

“Here’s some Tylenol.”

Elliot jerked awake. He took the pills and the offered cup of coffee. “Thanks.”

“Are you always a dickhead or was tonight a special performance?”

“I think pretty much always.” Elliot took the pills and sipped the coffee. It was the good stuff. “I’m not going to apologize.”

“For scaring your kids and mine? Of course not. I mean, I’m a dirty ex-con, so you can act like a fucker and scare the shit out of them. It’s all good.” Tobias grinned and sat down across from him.

“Enough guilt for one night.” Elliot rubbed his forehead and drank some more coffee. “I guess I lost it.”

“No shit.” Tobias sighed. “What the hell is your problem? Me? Chris? Your own sexual inadequacies?”

“Shut up,” Elliot growled. He tried to think clearly. “I read your file.”

“So, that’s the problem.” Tobias got up and paced to the mantle above the fireplace. He took down Chris’s picture - it was a small one - and smiled at it. “Life is ugly. I thought you’d know that.”

“I do know it.” Elliot knew it too well, and he didn’t want it touching his family. “I’ve protected Dickie from the ugliness.”

Tobias frowned at him. “How? By staying at work all the time?”

Elliot clenched his fist and stared at it. Only the truth could hurt so badly. “And when did you become father of the year?”

“Chris would have punched me.” Tobias shrugged. “You’re not him.”

“It’s hard to deal with you because I think of him.” Elliot was glad to hear he had a little more self-control than a man who’d committed murder. “His life was wasted, thrown away. My father might as well have drowned him.”

Tobias put the picture down. “Maybe. Maybe not. Did you ever think your father kept the wrong baby?”

“Of course, you asswipe.” Elliot drank some more coffee. “Chris might have made him happy. I sure as hell never did.”

“Pretty screwed up situation. Let’s go to the kitchen and get some snacks.” Tobias didn’t wait for him.

Elliot picked up his coffee and went, glad for something other than more talk. The kitchen was large and shiny clean. He plunked himself down on a bar stool and drank some more coffee. He had to sober up. Tobias rummaged through the cabinets. “There’s got to be something good in here.”

“Who does the cooking and cleaning around this place?”

“Sandy. She comes in the morning, early. I’m hopeless.” Tobias found some stuff and brought it over. Stabler claimed the peanuts and poured some out on his hand. Tobias opened a bag of chips and got a soda from the fridge. “So, other than murder and mayhem, why are you so pissed?”

Elliot wasn’t going to answer that. He looked everywhere but at Tobias. The peanuts were good, and he ate some more.

Tobias laughed softly. “You’re not gay either, but this twin shit is weird.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Elliot glared at him now.

“I saw the condition of your pecker. A blind man would have noticed it.” Tobias rolled his eyes. “I make you hard and it pisses you off. Now that I understand a little too well.”

Elliot wanted to deny it and deck him, but he wasn’t completely crazy tonight. “Forget it. I did.”

“Chris was so sexy that chairs would perk up when he strutted past.” Tobias sighed softly. “He could seduce anyone, and he did, for fun.”

“I ain’t like that.” Elliot shook his head. He wasn’t.

“I know, and I wonder why. I guess it never worked for you, but I’d be willing to bet, when you want, you can charm anyone into confessing.” Tobias got up and brought the coffee pot over to the counter.

Elliot didn’t want to hear that. He changed the subject to something serious. “Does your daughter see a therapist?”

“Yes.” Tobias frowned. “And we go together once a month. We had to learn how to talk to each other again. It’s been difficult.”

“I can’t even imagine.” Elliot refilled his coffee and slugged some more back. “And Harry?”

“Harry and I are establishing a relationship. He always knew I was his father, but obviously, we don’t know each other very well. In some ways, he had it easier than Holly.”

Elliot could see where that would be true. “Did they ever meet Chris?”

“No, but I don’t lie about it. It happened. Whether it was real outside of prison is something I’ll never know.” Tobias shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not very happy that Holly is so involved with a boy at her age. If I felt comfortable doing it, I’d move her to a new school.”

“I’m not happy about it either. I told Dickie to keep his jeans zipped, but I can’t guarantee he will.” Elliot groaned and rubbed his face. “What does Holly say about him?”

Tobias didn’t answer right away. He ate some chips. Elliot decided not to rush him. Finally, he said, “She told me that Richard understands how much she missed her dad. That his father was never around either. She also said that Richard doesn’t think less of me for going to prison. For her, it’s a major thing.”

Elliot felt those words hit his heart. He knew it was true. Dickie had said those things. It hurt. Christ. It did. “I worked more than I should have. It’s why Kathy left me. The job . . . took over my life.”

“Alcohol took over mine.” Tobias sounded tired.

“He doesn’t blame you because he’s seen just enough cases to know that justice is truly blind. The judge made an example of you. Oswald? Come on. You should have done your time in a minimum security somewhere upstate. Dickie has heard me talk it enough.” Elliot shut up and focused on his coffee again. He’d probably said too much.

“She, the judge, felt bad about it, in the end.” Tobias suddenly laughed. “Sorry, my sense of humor is odd.”

Elliot thought about it. “In the end. I get it. Your end.” He rolled his eyes. “How you can laugh about it is beyond me.”

“Might as well. It’s over. I was lucky to get out alive.” Tobias suddenly came around the kitchen peninsula and put his hand on Elliot’s arm. “Just walk away. Don’t look back and don’t concern yourself with Richard and Holly. Kathy and I will take care of it.”

“He’s my son.” Elliot nearly squirmed on his seat. His dick was back in business. “And Chris was my brother.”

“You can’t handle this.” Tobias edged even closer, and when Elliot looked up, their faces were so close. Elliot nearly shut his eyes, but he had to see. Tobias brushed his lips across Elliot’s in what could have been a kiss but wasn’t.

Elliot heard himself groan. “This is wrong.”

“I know.” Tobias smiled. “Twins. I’d have never guessed it.”

“And I’m the lucky one. Ain’t that ironic?” Elliot focused his eyes solely on his coffee, trying by willpower to force Tobias away. It worked. Tobias went around and sat on the other side with his soda and chips. Elliot heaved out a huge sigh of relief. “Nice place you got here.”

“It’s okay. Kinda big. Took me awhile to get used to it.” Tobias gave him an odd look. “Do you want to move in?”

Elliot blinked, raised his eyebrows, adjusted his still raging hard dick, and counted the number of beers he’d had again. “What?”

“Never mind.” Tobias rolled his eyes. “I sometimes have these crazy ideas.”

“I can see that.” Elliot rubbed his face for the tenth time since beer number two. “We don’t like each other.”

“That’s not the truth. You acted like an ass, but it has nothing to do with how you feel. Trust me. I’ve seen it before.” Tobias put his elbow on the peninsula and leaned into his hand. “Where’s your house?”

“Queens.”

“Quite a hike from here.” Tobias shrugged. “Well, offer stands.”

Elliot felt his anger surge again, and he let it out. “One of us wasn’t enough for you? Got a thing for twins?”

Tobias laughed. He laughed. It was unexpected, to say the least. “I hadn’t thought of that, but it would be interesting. I wonder if you give out that little grunt right before you-”

“Stop!” Elliot threw up his hand. “Please. Don’t say another word.”

Tobias threw him a grin and went to dig through the fridge. He came back with another soda and opened it. Elliot just watched him drink it. They didn’t talk. When the coffee pot was empty, he got up. “Bathroom?”

Tobias pointed, and Elliot went. Coming out, he yawned so hard his jaw cracked. Tobias met him in the hallway. “Guest bedroom is there. Go sleep it off. I’ll have Eduardo take you home in the morning, early, around six.”

Elliot didn’t much like being bossed around, but he was too tired to argue any longer. He shrugged and went in the bedroom. Quickly, he stripped off his sweatshirt and threw it on the bed.

“I’ll be damned!”

Elliot turned. “Go to your own room. Now.”

Tobias ignored him and stepped far too close. He ran his hand down Elliot’s tattoo without a qualm. Elliot was thinking of knocking him through a wall, and Tobias should have known it.

“He had the same tattoo. Some research scientist would completely dig this.” Tobias touched him again. “It’s still beautiful.”

Elliot ignored what his dick was saying and moved away. “Coincidence. Leave me alone.”

Tobias threw him a sloppy salute and shut the door. Elliot turned off the overhead light and collapsed on the bed in the darkness. The dark was safe. He could still feel the touch of Tobias’s hand, and it made him quiver. Move in? Was the skel insane? Holly and Harry were frightened of him, and he didn’t blame them. God, he was an asshole. No more beer for awhile, not until he had his emotions under control. The two didn’t mix. He was also going to have to apologize to Kathy - big time. Something like roses would probably be good. They weren’t married, but she guarded the gate that led to his kids, and he was sorry. They’d always been friends, even when they fought.

Elliot pulled the extra pillow close and tried to not think. It worked.

*********

“Get up, asshole.”

Elliot rolled over and groaned. “Go directly to hell.”

“Been there. Not going back.” Tobias shut the door hard. Elliot lay there another five minutes just to be contrary, but eventually it got old so he hit the shower. The hot water helped wake him up, and he remembered that he was due at work today. It was Monday. Shit. He had a fresh shirt in his locker, and he’d need it because he didn’t have time to get his car and go to Queens. There was an electric shaver in the medicine cabinet and he shamelessly used it. Tobias probably kept it here for his boyfriends. Elliot stared into his own blue eyes and nearly slapped himself. If he didn’t stop, this was going to lead to violence.

Tobias wasn’t going to take any shit off him. That had been made pretty clear. Elliot looked away from his own guilt and made a promise to be nicer. Nicer. To a skel who’d been his brother’s wife. Well, not really, but some would say that. He‛d better not, not again, or Toby might hit him. Smoothing his hair down, he went out to the kitchen. A large woman was serving breakfast, and he took a spot at the table when she pointed with a spatula.

“Elliot, meet Sandy. Sandy, Elliot.” Tobias gave him a look that told him to behave in front of the kids. Holly and Harry were both there also, and they gave him nervous smiles.

“Nice to meet you.” Elliot had to smile at the kids. “School?”

They both nodded. What they thought about his presence at the breakfast table was a mystery. “Eat up, Harry. Angus will be here in ten minutes.”

“I’ll miss you, Toby,” Harry said quietly.

“I’ll miss you too.” Tobias hugged him. “You can stay.”

“I know, but I miss Angus too.” Harry shrugged. “I’ll figure it out.”

“I know you will. Angus’s house isn’t big enough for all of us, but we all love you.”

Harry shot Elliot a funny look. “I know.”

“Holly, no Richard tonight. So don’t ask.” Tobias didn’t look at Elliot. Sandy sat a huge plate of food down in front of him, and he picked up his fork and thanked her.

“Holly, please tell Richard that I’m fine.” Elliot wasn’t going to apologize to her.

“Sure.” Holly gave him a tiny smile. “I’ll tell him you spent the night.”

Elliot managed not to choke on his eggs, but it was close. “Thanks.” He drank some more of that good coffee. A huge breakfast like this was a real treat and he intended to eat every bite. Tobias got the kids off to school, and Elliot watched. This was . . . nice. Almost like being at home. He sighed softly. He missed his kids so much.

“Okay. Quit slacking.” Tobias laughed and sat back down.

Elliot shoveled some more food in his mouth, swallowed, and shrugged. “This is better than a diner. Give me a break.”

“Cops.” Tobias made a nasty face.

“You send Holly in the limo alone?”

“Hell no. Holly takes the bus. She says she likes it.” Tobias drank some coffee. “She might be telling the truth. Harry will be back Thursday night. He has a four day school week.”

“That bug you?”

Tobias sighed. “I didn’t see him until he was six years old. He lived in San Diego. I’m grateful for every minute he’s willing to spend with me.”

“Don’t tell him. He’ll use it against you.” Elliot smiled.

“He might. I don’t care.” Tobias smiled back at him. “Sandy always makes too much. Have seconds.”

“I’ll sleep at my desk.” Elliot shook his head. “Can I be nosy and ask what you’re doing today?”

“Some lawyer stuff. A nap, and later today, I’m going to Oz.”

“What the hell? You nuts?” Elliot finally had to stop eating. He was going to explode. He was finishing his coffee though.

“Yes, but I’m helping a friend with something.” Tobias looked worried for a moment.

“You were joking about the nap.”

“Maybe.” Tobias stood up. “Let’s get moving.”

“I can go alone.”

“I know, asshole, but I have some errands to run.” Tobias shook his head. “Is it all about you?”

“You tell me.” Elliot found his coat and put it on. “Oh, and my name is Elliot, not asshole.”

“Earn it.” Tobias opened the front door. Elliot dragged his feet for a minute, scooped the picture of his brother off the mantle place, and stared at it. Chris didn’t look like a killer, but he had been, and if they’d have met, it would have been disastrous. So much alike, and yet, so very different. Maybe his father had beaten him for a reason. Tobias suddenly put his hand on it. “Take it.”

Elliot wasn’t sure. “But-”

“It’s a copy. I keep the originals away safe.” Tobias looked him right in the eye. “Come over and see them some time.”

Elliot tucked the picture in his coat pocket. “Thanks.”

“Let’s go. I’m going to be late, and I hate that.” Tobias started moving, and Elliot followed him to the limo. When they were seated, Tobias used the intercom. “Eduardo, don’t stop for yellows.”

“You bet, sir.”

Elliot leaned back and relaxed. “Money.”

“It doesn’t buy anything that’s important.” Tobias looked out the window.

“Did you know that before Oz?”

“No.” Tobias stretched back and ran his hand through his hair. “Is there anything from my file that you want to ask me?”

Elliot thought it over. The file had been difficult to read. It was a miracle that Tobias Beecher had survived and seemed somewhat sane. “Did you kill him?”

“No. Look at me. He outweighed me by fifty pounds.” Tobias spread his hands and finally looked him in the eye. “Do I feel responsible? Yes. If I’d have forgiven him for screwing up my parole, maybe he’d be alive.”

“You screwed up your parole.” Elliot was certain of that. He still wasn’t convinced that Tobias hadn’t murdered him, but he was right about the weight difference.

“Right. I could watch Bonnie die a slow, painful death from cancer or I could move a few drugs. That’s no choice at all.” Tobias started staring out the window again. “I loved him too much to say no.”

“Bullshit.” Elliot didn’t believe any of that. “You let him con you. You, a lawyer, should have known he was lying. You probably missed him.”

“Eduardo, stop here.” Tobias used the intercom. The limo pulled over almost instantly. Tobias threw open the door. “Get out. I hate cops.”

“I ain’t too fond of skels either!” Elliot got out. He zipped his coat while the limo pulled away. His hand hit the picture, and he pulled it out to stare at it again. Chris had probably charmed Tobias, but Tobias should have done what was best for his children, not some convict lover. Hopefully, he had learned his lesson and put his kids first now. Hopefully. Elliot put the picture away and started walking. He checked the street signs and saw he was about five blocks away. The exercise would do him good. He didn’t stop to see if Kathy was home. His car had been moved to the street, and he got moving towards work. The picture seemed heavy in his coat, but that was ridiculous.

********

Elliot sat patiently in the hallway at the court house, waiting his turn to testify. This was an easy one, and he wasn’t worried. They’d call him soon.

“Mr. Beecher, you have no grounds for dismissal!”

“The evidence was tainted. It’s fruit of the poison tree. Look at the sequence of events!”

Elliot told himself not to look, but he did, and his entire body seemed happy to see Tobias. Traitorous dick.

The other lawyer began talking very quickly, but Elliot had seen that look on a judge’s face before.

“You can’t admit anything that results from the illegal search.” Tobias was insistent. “Yes, my client is currently incarcerated, but he does have rights.”

“I’d argue that!”

Elliot didn’t recognize the other lawyer, but he had a point. Convicts didn’t have rights. The judge wavered and grimaced. “The search was at his home, correct?”

“Correct. There was no warrant, and a neighbor can not legally give the police permission to search for evidence no matter how long the property has been vacant.” Tobias was passionate. Elliot nearly groaned. The judge was folding.

“Mr. Beecher, while disbarred, is correct. It’s all out. Find something else or drop the charges.” The judge put up a hand. “My ruling stands. He’s not up for parole for another five years. You have time.”

Elliot didn’t get up. The judge strode away. The other lawyer made some noise and left angrily. Tobias turned, walked to him, and said, “Enjoy the show?”

“Very entertaining.” Elliot stayed sitting. “What did he do?”

“They found a cache of illegal guns in his house.” Tobias shrugged as if it were no big deal.

“And you got him off?”

Tobias sat down and sighed. “He’s been in jail for the last five years. The property has been abandoned. They get a tip, storm the place, find the weapons, and charge him with possession. Come on, think they were his?”

“New stuff or old?”

“All shiny.” Tobias shook his head. “They were just looking to pile on the years. They love doing that. Blame the guys already behind bars. Easy.”

“They’re usually guilty.”

Tobias didn’t answer that. “Crappy seeing you again too, asshole. Later.” He got up.

“Wait!” Elliot got up now and took two steps. “How are our kids?”

“Don’t you call your wife?” Tobias suddenly smirked. “She’s still mad?”

“Pretty much. Yeah. How are they?” Elliot hated sounding like a beggar, but Kathy was taking the phone off the hook at night.

“Richard came over last night to study. They left the door open.” Tobias gave him a hard look. “I did it because I loved him.”

Elliot knew they were picking up their last conversation where they‛d left off. “You betrayed your children. How can you expect them to forgive that?”

Tobias lowered his head. “You did the same, but for the love of your job. We’re both self-centered jerks, but I know it, and you don’t.”

“I know it!” Elliot hissed. He’d just come out the loser in this drawn-out conversation. “I was helping people!”

“Bonnie died. She did have cancer. Chris used it against me. I bet you twist facts to catch the perp when you have to.” Tobias wasn’t pulling any punches today. Elliot wanted to beat the shit out of him.

“Elliot Stabler!” The bailiff called for him.

Elliot didn’t hesitate. He went to testify, turning his back on his brother’s bitch. Thinking of him that way made it easy to walk away without even the barest courtesy. Tobias wouldn’t care. The facts were simple - they weren’t ever going to get along.

*********

“Dad? Can we, uh, take Holly out to eat with us?”

“No.” Elliot hooked his thumb at the car. “Everyone go pile in.”

“Told ya.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Dad hates your girlfriend’s skel dad. Too bad!”

Elliot squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Elizabeth, I don’t hate anyone. Please. Let’s go eat.”

Dickie shot him a look that bordered on insolent. “Prove it. Let Holly come along.”

“Dickie, I don’t get much time with you guys. I don’t want to share.” Elliot smiled at his boy. That was the truth, whether Dickie believed it or not.

“I knew you’d mess it up for me,” Dickie muttered. “Now I’m lucky if Mr. Beecher lets me come over once every two weeks!”

“They have lives of their own, Dickie.”

“Richard. It’s Richard!”

Elliot saw that his son was going to have a complete meltdown - over a girl. This was bad. “It’s not like you were going to marry her. You’re thirteen!”

“Nearly fourteen.” Dickie had this look on his face that Elliot had seen in the mirror a time or two. Stubborn. Angry. Liable to do anything. Elliot looked at Elizabeth. She rolled her eyes. Maureen and Kathleen weren’t coming along tonight. It was just the three of them, and he’d wanted it to stay that way. “Richard, go on out to the car. I want to yell at your sister.”

Dickie gave him some attitude, but left, and Elizabeth suddenly looked worried. “Dad, I didn’t do anything!”

Elliot grinned. “I know. Listen, tell me, what’s the deal with those two?”

“You’re smart, Dad.” Elizabeth smiled. “Well, the thing is, Dickie is crazy about her. When they got to study twice a week he was fine, but Holly’s dad put an end to that about a month ago. Dickie’s furious, at you.”

“I figured that part out. Spill the rest of it.” Elliot smiled to encourage her. A month ago was when he’d seen Tobias at the courthouse.

“Dickie says they’re soulmates. I think it’s stupid. Really stupid, but he had been getting better grades.” Elizabeth edged closer. “Twins are connected, ya know?”

“Yes.” Elliot thought he knew. He wasn’t sure.

“He’s really sad.”

“Crap.”

“Dad! Mom would smack you.”

“Like you haven’t heard it before. Come on. I’ll try to fix this.” Elliot knew as sure as shit that he was going to regret what he was about to do. His johnson was going to be thrilled though. Stupid prick. “I don’t know how.”

“What would Uncle Chris do?”

Elliot veered away from that line of thinking. “I have no idea.” He steered her towards the car and made sure they’d buckled before leaving the driveway. His twins had been strangely happy to discover that he was a twin. It didn’t seem to matter to them that his brother was dead. He drove over to the brownstone without saying a word. When he stopped the car, he unbuckled and turned in the seat.

“No matter what happens, you will get in the car when I tell you to.” He pointed to make sure they understood how serious he was. “Say, yes sir.”

“Yes, sir,” they chorused, but he could tell they meant it. Dickie even managed not to run to the door, and it was Elliot that rang the doorbell.

Sandy answered the door. She smiled. “Richard! Good to see you, lad! Let me get Tobias.”

“Stay here, son.” Elliot forced him back with a look.

Tobias came to the door. He was in an old pair of jeans and a wife-beater. Elliot made sure his jaw didn’t drop. That was just wrong.

“Slumming?” Tobias clearly wasn’t going to play nice.

Elliot could almost feel his son deflate. “Hi, Tobias. Can we come in? Talk?”

“Sandy’s putting dinner on the table.” Tobias shook his head.

That was a no. Elliot looked at Dickie. “You heard him. Let’s go. No more arguments.”

“Okay,” Dickie whispered. Elliot turned away immediately. He had to play this right. Elizabeth went with him.

“Richard, now!” Elliot barked it, doing his best to sound as if he meant it.

“Geez,” Tobias said. He came out on the little porch. “Wait! I’ll ask Sandy if there’s enough for three more at the table.”

“Of course there is, Tobias. I love company!” Sandy had been right behind the door. Elliot nearly laughed at the look of chagrin that passed over Tobias’s face. Dickie beamed. Tobias groaned softly, but Elliot heard it.

“Elizabeth, would you mind if we ate here instead of the pizza place? I think I know Richard’s answer.” Elliot was careful to use Dickie’s full name. The boy was about nuts tonight.

“It’s okay with me. Harry’s all right.” Elizabeth smiled.

Elliot looked at Tobias. “Thanks for the invitation.” He let the kids go in first. He paused and whispered, “Even if it did nearly kill you.”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Tobias shut the door and locked it. The kids had already vanished into the house. Sandy was in the kitchen, and Tobias grumbled, “I don’t have any beer.”

“I gave it up for Lent.” Elliot took his coat off and let Tobias hang it up in the closet by the door.

“Could you take off your gun?”

“I came from work.” Elliot decided to tell the truth. “I’d feel better with it on, unless you have a safe.”

“I do.” Tobias pointed and started walking. “Don’t trust anyone, do you?”

“Not with my gun.” Elliot followed him. Tobias opened the safe fast. Elliot stuck his gun inside. “Hit code change and walk away.”

“I can’t believe you.” Tobias did it though, and he left the room. Elliot reset the code to his shield number and locked it. He gave it a tug. Satisfied, he went back out to the living room. He was determined to fix this situation for Dickie. Tobias was on the sofa, watching the news on a plasma screen TV that dropped out of the ceiling.

Elliot found a comfortable chair. He couldn’t help but think that Tobias was under dressed for dinner. A wife-beater? Tobias looked . . . cut. Elliot forced himself to say, “We have to talk about our kids.”

“Why?” Tobias glanced at him, but went back to watching the news.

“Shit,” Elliot said softly. He leaned back and tried to relax. It wasn’t easy with a dick as hard as stone. Stupid thing.

Sandy came in the room. “Coke? Coffee? Some ice tea?”

“Ice tea would be fine, thank you,” Elliot said. Sandy smiled and came back with tea for him, and a Coke for Tobias. They both thanked her, and Elliot hoped she didn’t mind playing the waitress. Hopefully, Tobias paid her a good salary. Elliot sipped it, sat it down, and tried again. “Richard is angry with me.”

“What’s new?” Tobias pushed off his shoes and tucked his feet under his knees. He drank some coke.

Elliot wanted to smack him. The mantle had another picture of Chris on it, but this one was different. In this picture, Chris almost looked sad. Elliot wanted to go get it, but he didn’t. Chris should have been sad. He had been going to spend the rest of his life in prison. Elliot forced his eyes to watch the television.

“You still in the guard?”

“No. I put in my twenty.” Elliot was glad he wasn’t in Iraq, but he wasn’t going to talk about it.

Tobias wiggled his shoulders, as if he needed more comfort from the over-sized couch. “Why’d you come here tonight?”

“To work this out. Richard thinks you’re punishing him for my behavior.” Elliot didn’t know if that were true or not.

Tobias shrugged. “Sounds like something an asshole would do.”

Elliot bit off the sharp comment that wanted out. He’d come here to make it better, not worse. “What’s for dinner?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Tobias suddenly started flipping channels. He stopped on the local weather channel. “Harry‛s been sick. In addition, I had business out of town, and the kids stayed with Angus.”

“And the other weeks?”

“It seemed prudent to throw some water on them.” Tobias glanced upstairs. “I don’t want to raise a grandchild.”

Elliot could only agree with that. “Is it better or worse?”

“Both. But Holly knows I’m serious now.” Tobias shrugged. “You tell Richard to keep it zipped or I’ll move Holly to another school, and I‛m not fooling around.”

“I’ve told him once. I better remind him.” Elliot could only stare. Tobias was acting completely different tonight. No snippy comments. No smirks. Not much of anything. Elliot drank some more tea and got up the courage to ask, “Everything okay with you?”

Tobias looked shocked for one second, and then he covered it up. “Yes, Detective.”

Elliot got up, took off his badge, and opened the closet to put it away in his coat. He was off-duty. Tobias said nothing further, and Elliot sat down again. His tea was excellent. He liked it sweet. Desperately searching for something to say, he settled on work. “Work was hell this week. I left ten open cases on my desk.”

“You’ll catch them.” Tobias didn’t even glance at him this time.

Elliot quit trying. They weren’t going to chat. He should’ve brought some beer with him. Lent was about over anyway. Tobias loved to change channels, and Elliot wondered if prison had done that to him. “You still have friends inside?”

“Most are dead.” Tobias put the remote down.

Elliot looked over at Chris again. “I wish I’d known him.”

Tobias ran his hand through his hair. “He’d have tried to take that stick out of your ass, and you’d have hated him.”

“Hey, kiss my ass.” Elliot hoped dinner was soon because sitting and talking was going to lead to him punching Tobias in the mouth. “This was probably a bad idea.”

“Probably. You could have handled this with a phone call.”

Elliot clenched his jaw and told himself twice to settle down. “My apologies. Richard was upset.”

“You caved big time tonight. Next time, find your balls.”

Elliot was extremely tired of talking to this asshole. “I guess we’re just not going to get along.”

“Guess not. Now, don’t you feel better?” Tobias got up and padded out of the room. Elliot drank his tea before getting up to go look at the picture of Chris. There was a report from a Sister Peter Marie in Chris’s file. She’d mentioned the relationship between Chris and Tobias. It had been strong. If not love, something powerful. Chris definitely looked sad. Elliot felt that emotion wash over him as well. He’d never had chance to hate his twin. Even hate would have been better than nothing but an ache that whispered of might have beens.

The only thing Elliot had was a picture, and Tobias. Tobias had known Chris, intimately. Elliot felt something inside himself break. Maybe it was the anger. Maybe it was the sense of helplessness. He would deal with what he had been given, and that was Tobias.

“Dinner!” Sandy called out from the bottom of the stairs. “Are you ready to eat, Mr. Stabler?”

“Please call me Elliot.” Elliot smiled. “I’ll go wash up.”

Sandy smiled and went back to the kitchen. Elliot went to the restroom, pissed, washed his hands and face, and told the man in the mirror to start acting like the man he was instead of the little boy that had been beaten. The little boy was still angry, but he was a man now, and he was going to use his brain, not his overdeveloped sense of outrage. None of this was Tobias’s fault. And his father was dead. Elliot dried off and went to the kitchen to eat. Everyone else was there already, and he saw two nervous smiles, two sets of rolling eyes, and one face didn’t even glance at him. Tobias was angry, and Elliot didn’t blame him. Elliot took the chair at the other end of the table from Tobias and smiled at the kids.

“Is the food good at this restaurant?” he whispered to break the tension.

Holly giggled. “The best, but it isn’t cheap.”

“I believe that.” Elliot tugged at his tie, loosening it, and finally pulling it off. Sandy delivered trays of food. Everything looked good, and there was plenty of it. How Tobias stayed thin was a mystery. Elliot gained five pounds just looking at all the food. The kids got busy eating and passing things around, and Elliot saw exactly why Tobias was cut muscle and bone. Tobias didn’t really eat. He picked at it, pushed it around, and gave up far too early.

Elliot made sure his kids used some of their manners, and they ate plenty. He went ahead and had two platefuls. Lunch had been a soda today. Sandy was having a great time. She chattered, fussed, and refilled drinks. Holly and Harry were obviously attached to her. He could see why.

“Did you shoot anyone today?” Harry’s soft question managed to drop into a moment of silence.

Elliot blinked in surprise. He was sitting next to the young boy, and he leaned closer. “I try not to do that. I don’t like hurting people.”

“I thought cops shot people.” Harry furrowed his brow. “It’s on the TV and internet all the time.”

“It does happen, but the media focuses on the cases that end in violence. Most don’t. Since I’m a detective, I rarely use my gun.” Elliot saw that Harry understood perfectly. “What’s more exciting? A shootout or me slogging my way through telephone records, trying to figure out who called the victim in her last moments of life?”

Harry thought about that. He slowly said, “Why would you care who they called?”

“A crime - the type I investigate - is like a puzzle. I have to piece together everything that happened in that person’s life for the last twenty-four hours or so. If I do it right, the murderer is usually pretty obvious.” Elliot saw Dickie roll his eyes. Dickie had heard it all before.

“That sounds interesting.” Harry smiled. “I might have to do some research.”

“Just don’t hack into the files at the police station, okay? We have enough trouble.”

Harry grinned. Tobias cleared his throat. “Harry, I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t, but I could go look at the NYPD web site. It might be cool.” Harry wiped his hands and mouth. “Can I be excused?”

“Finish your milk,” Elliot said automatically. He caught the look of death that Tobias gave him. “Sorry. It was habit.”

“Finish, Harry, and then go on.” Tobias didn’t look at Elliot again. Elliot nearly groaned. He wasn’t going to be forgiven any time soon. Even an apology would fall on deaf ears. He knew it. The table began to empty of children, and finally, it was him, Tobias, and a pot of coffee.

“No dessert?” Elliot teased Sandy.

“Tobias doesn’t allow it except on Fridays.” Sandy looked disgusted. “It’s not right.”

“Too much sugar.” Tobias smiled at her. “I bet you could find something for Elliot. He’ll be here another hour or so.”

Sandy obviously took that as a challenge and marched away to the pantry. Elliot laughed softly. “You are so lucky to have her.”

“First smart thing you’ve said.” Tobias poured himself some coffee and sipped it. “Kathy is a good cook.”

“I miss it.” Elliot did, even the re-heated leftovers had been good. “This was nice. Thank you.”

Tobias gave him a long, suspicious look. “What do you want?”

“Nothing,” Elliot growled. He added some cream to his coffee. It was real cream. “Am I like him at all?”

“No and yes. When I catch a glimpse of you, my heart beats faster before my brain reminds me that it’s nothing more than you.” Tobias shrugged. “It’s probably fear, so don’t panic.”

Elliot heard the mild insult, but he wasn’t going to react to it. “He hurt you.”

“Yes. More than once.” Tobias sipped his coffee. “You will too, if I let you.”

“Didn’t I already? Isn’t that was all this attitude is about?” Elliot knew it was true.

Tobias shook his head firmly. “I don’t give a damn what you think.”

“For some reason, I know you’re lying.” Elliot watched Tobias struggle with his temper. “I’m all you have left of him, just like you’re all I have of him.”

“He left me more than just you.” Tobias smiled a little, and Elliot knew it wasn’t for him. “My right wrist also aches when it rains.”

Elliot knew better than to laugh. He drank his coffee and waited. Tobias might have something more to say, and eventually, he did. “Let’s go to the basement.”

“You gonna murder me down there?”

“Don’t tempt me.” Tobias picked up his coffee and started moving. Elliot followed, but abandoned his empty cup. He was full. They went down a short flight of stairs, and he saw that this was where the family spent their time. Tobias had a weight set in one corner, and Harry was tinkering with a train layout in another corner. Elizabeth was watching him. The sofa was huge, old, and beat up, and the TV, while large, was the older style. Now, this was living.

“Nice weight set.”

“I still like to work out.” Toby took a spot on the sofa and stretched out. “Harry, you got that train running yet?”

“Almost!” Harry laughed. “Angus said I’d never fix it.”

“He’s an idiot.” Tobias laughed. Elliot stared at him. When he laughed, he was transformed. The suspicious skel was gone, and so was the snarky lawyer.

Elliot dragged his eyes away and went to look at the layout. Elizabeth gave him a casual hug and started pointing and talking. He just listened. Once or twice, Harry chimed in. Harry was shy. It was obvious, but he was young - lots of growing to do. Elliot looked back at Tobias. Tobias had the TV on, but he was mostly paying attention to his son.

“I think I got it!” Harry blushed immediately. He put the train on the track, made a bunch of adjustments, and it began to go. Elizabeth cheered, and Elliot grinned and patted Harry on the back.

Tobias was suddenly close. “Good job. You should call Angus and tell him.”

“Can I?” Harry grinned. Tobias handed him a cell phone.

Elizabeth gave him another squeeze. “We never had anything cool like this.”

Elliot was inclined to agree. “Did you ever want to build one?”

“Well, no, but I don’t think it would have fit in our basement!” She laughed. Elliot went to flop down on the sofa and stretch out. There was plenty of room for two grown men, and he was very full. His eyes betrayed him by traveling down Tobias’s wife-beater to old, snug jeans. Elliot realized dimly that he was looking to see what his brother had found so attractive, and the sudden pressure against his trousers forced him to watch television. There was nothing there for him. Couldn’t his dick see that?

“I’m going to go check on the two lovebirds.” Tobias trotted upstairs. Elliot hoped they weren’t naked. If they were, Holly was going to a new school, and Richard was going to be mad for months. The boy was going to have to settle down. It was time for the honest sex talk that his own father had given him. Of course, it hadn’t worked. Well, maybe he should modify it. He would definitely take out the part with the belt.

Tobias came back downstairs, but so did Dickie and Holly. They retreated to a corner that had bean bags and a computer on the floor. Elliot looked hard at it. That computer was nicer than his. “You always keep your computers on the floor?”

Harry turned. “I made it. It’s not worth anything, but it goes on the internet fine.”

“You made it?” Elliot was slightly amazed.

“At school. Yeah.” Harry gave him a small smile. “It was a class project. They had all these donated parts from Microsoft. It was the best.”

“Sounds really cool. Did you get an A?”

“The school doesn’t grade that way, but yes.” Harry suddenly became interested in the layout again, and Elliot saw that Elizabeth was actually glueing stuff down. Elliot hoped Harry supervised her. If she messed it up, Elliot wasn’t buying Harry a new one.

“Hey, are you always so damn nosy?”

“Richard says that I am.” Elliot sat back and relaxed, or tried to, it was hard with Tobias right there.  
“Did you almost call me Elliot?”

“Not even close.” Tobias changed the channel about fifty times. Elliot was slightly nauseous before Tobias stopped on CNN. “Talk with your son soon.”

Elliot glared at his boy. They’d been kissing or something. “It must be genetic.”

Tobias suddenly laughed. “All the Stabler boys are probably gifted in that area.”

“Funny.” Elliot was careful not to tag that with the word asshole. He also had the feeling that Tobias was making a reference to Chris. Chris had been a Stabler too, whether he’d known it or not. Elliot looked over at the weights. “How much can you press?”

“Enough.” Tobias shrugged. “Don’t get any ideas. It’s late and you’re not dressed for it.”

“I wasn’t. I lifted this morning over at the station house.” Elliot wished the house had all of that equipment though.

“Do you sleep there too?”

Elliot decided not to answer that. He went home occasionally, even though he didn’t always know why. He’d considered getting a small apartment for weeks now. The money would go a long ways towards helping out Kathy and the kids, but it was their home too. He couldn’t just sell it.

“Never mind. The answer is obvious.” Tobias started clicking again, and Elliot resisted the urge to grab it from him.

“Slow down! Christ, I’m getting seasick!”

Tobias stopped. “Richard, what site are you at?”

Elliot looked there immediately. He didn’t see any naked girls, so he waited. Tobias strolled over there and sank down on the plush carpet next to them. Richard looked slightly guilty. “Oswald has a web site. We were looking is all.”

Elliot stared at the television. He grabbed the remote, found a football game, and settled back to watch. Staying out of that was a good idea.

“Holly, how long have they had this?”

“It was pretty primitive when it started about eight years ago,” Holly said. “Angus and I would check it for news. If visitation day was canceled for some reason, the information was here.”

“I never got inmate of the week?” Tobias laughed, but Elliot heard the hurt, and he knew the kids did too.

“Well, yeah, you did.” Holly put her hand on him. “Sorry, Dad.”

“Holly, hush. You have nothing to be sorry for, remember?” Tobias hugged her. “Too bad you can’t see pictures of Em City.”

Harry strolled over there and took the keyboard. “Yes, you can. I’ll use the wayback machine.”

Now Elliot was curious, and he went to look. The carpet was comfortable, but his knee would ache if he lay on the floor too long. Harry’s fingers flew and Elliot knew he was watching a child genius. He wondered if it made Tobias nervous.

“I’ll be-”

Elliot clapped his hand over Tobias’s mouth and put up with the glare. All the kids laughed. Tobias shoved him away and took over the mouse. “That was my pod - one of them.”

“I always wondered,” Holly said softly. “They upgraded the site after you went to Rikers. Em City was gone.”

“Yeah. It was.” Tobias kissed her on the forehead.

Elliot knew now that they blamed Chris for shutting down Em City. It might be true. Who could know? Chris was dead. Elliot had to ask, “Did you share that one with Chris?”

“Yes.” Tobias started clicking. He was good with that thing too, and when he stopped, they all stared.

“My brother.” Elliot wanted to brush his fingers along the computer screen. “Where’s he at?”

“The quad. The open space between the pods where we watched television and played cards.”

Elliot noticed all the kids were quiet. He had to make them feel better. “Handsome guy. I love that face.”

They all laughed. Tobias gave him a smile. “Harry, email that picture to me, will you?”

“Want me to look for others?”

“Nah,” Tobias said. “Thanks.”

Harry got busy, and Elliot got off the floor. His knee creaked, but he made it back to the sofa. He was getting old. Tobias took the other end of the sofa again. “Thanks for not being a jerk tonight.”

“You’re welcome.” Elliot gave him a nice smile and winked at him. It was funny to watch him stare and then suddenly turn red.

“Dessert!” Sandy yelled from the top of the stairs.

The kids moved fast up the stairs. Tobias laughed. “She can clear a room.”

“I’m out of here.” Elliot got up and brushed past him. It wasn’t much of a touch, but he’d have sworn that electricity crackled between them. It made him flinch, and he went faster. Tobias was right behind him though, and Elliot almost felt as if they were connected. They weren’t. They never would be. He’d be lucky of Tobias even let Dickie come over to see Holly.

“Don’t give me those blue eyes.”

Elliot had no idea what that meant. He went through the door and found a spot at the kitchen table by Holly. Sandy smiled at him, and he picked up his spoon. He might be full, but there was always room for dessert.

“It’s nice having company,” Holly said quietly.

Elliot winked at her. “It’s nice being somewhere other than work. Do you like your new school, Holly?”

Holly smiled at Richard. “I do. It’s fun, and there are no packs of snobby girls roaming the hallways.”

Elizabeth snorted. “There are snobs.”

“Not real ones. Those girls are amateurs. They don’t really have money and they don’t bring their horse to school.” Holly suddenly blushed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Holly. I see your point.” Elliot got the message. At her private school, they’d picked on her. “Kids can be mean.”

Tobias wasn’t having dessert. He tapped the table. “Eat up, kids. Sandy wants to get home before midnight.”

“Don’t worry about that! It’s nice having people here that eat!” Sandy smiled.

Elliot hid his smirk with his spoon, but he thought that Tobias had seen it. They should probably leave after dessert. It was Saturday night, but they had most likely worn out their welcome. It was time to negotiate a new deal.

“Tobias, how often do you think these two should see each other?”

Tobias cocked his head to the side. “I’m not adverse to once a week. Wednesday. Alternating houses.”

“Dad! Come on, two nights a week!”

“Push your luck, young lady, and we’ll forget it altogether. You two are thirteen.”

“Couldn’t even get married in Alabama.” Elliot grinned. “He’s right, but what about weekends?”

“Not every weekend, but every other is acceptable. Saturday. You two can use the limo.” Tobias smiled.

Dickie finally put in his two cents worth. “For what?”

“Movie, mall, whatever, as long as it’s pre-approved, and Holly has her cell phone with her.” Tobias looked at him. “Okay with you?”

“Saturday is my night with them. So, no.” Elliot wasn’t going to give up his time. “Friday, after school? Until, say nine?”

Tobias drummed his fingers on the table. “That would be fine. Clear it with Kathy.”

“I will.” Elliot would speak with her tonight. “This has been fun. Ready to go, kids?”

Dickie groaned, but it was Harry that surprised him. “I have to research a career for my school. If I pick yours, will you give me a tour of the precinct?”

Elliot saw Tobias’s jaw clench. “Harry, if your dad says it’s okay, I don’t have a problem with it.”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Tobias said firmly. That was a no.

Elliot pushed away from the table. “Thank you, Sandy, for a lovely dinner, and thank you Tobias, for not throwing us out so hard we bounced.”

Tobias didn’t even smile. “Good night.”

Dickie and Holly had to make a production out of it, but Elliot got his two moving towards the car without having to use force. He found his tie, put on his coat, and said, “I better get my gun.”

“Go.” Tobias waved in that general direction.

Elliot went quickly, got his gun, put it on his hip, and left the safe open. He hesitated at the door. “I meant that. Thanks.”

“We’re done. Right?” Tobias managed to look pissy. “One of you was enough.”

Elliot had accomplished what he’d come for, and that was what he mattered. He merely nodded, went out the door fast, and was a little surprised it didn’t slam. The drive to Kathy’s house was quiet, and he went in with the twins. He and Kathy had to talk.

*********

“Elliot, it’s for you, line two,” Olivia said.

“Who is it?”

“Tobias Beecher.”

Elliot sat down, looked at the blinking light, and considered skipping it. He shrugged and picked it up. “Stabler.”

“I’m sure you didn’t want to take this call, but we need to talk.”

“Why?” Elliot raised his eyebrows. He could only pray that Holly wasn’t pregnant.

“About Harry and career day. Can you stop over after work?”

Elliot gave a mental sigh of relief and looked at the pile of paperwork on his desk. “I thought you were going to tell him no.”

“I tried my hand at parenting and failed. We need to talk.”

“You sound a little angry.” Elliot laughed. “It’ll be late.”

“Just come over.” Tobias sighed. “Please.”

“I bet that hurt.” Elliot would do it because it was about Harry, and Tobias had managed to say please. “Okay. Later.”

“Later.” Tobias hung up, and Elliot sat the phone down slowly. That was unexpected. It had been three weeks since he’d had dinner at Tobias’s house. Dickie and Holly were behaving, and Elliot had been staying out of it. It was working. Now this.

“Got a new friend?”

“No.” Elliot shook his head firmly. They were many things, but not friends. “Beecher hates me. Hates cops. I don’t blame him, but our conversations usually consist of name calling.”

“Better hope Dickie doesn’t marry that girl,” Fin said smoothly.

Elliot did more than hope. He’d prayed about it once or twice. “No one marries their childhood sweetheart.”

“You did,” John said and laughed as he walked past.

Elliot shrugged. He was also divorced. It wouldn’t last. Benson looked amused. He didn’t worry about it again until he got in the car. It was eleven o’clock at night. Usually, he slept up in the crib. He yawned, rubbed his eyes, and tried not to stumble as he went up the steps to the brownstone. It had been a long couple of days. Before he could ring the doorbell, Tobias pulled the door open. Elliot waited for him to say something.

“Come in.” Tobias didn’t look happy about it.

Elliot went in and stayed close to the door so he could leave and get some sleep. “Spill it.”

Tobias glanced upstairs. “Let’s talk in the kitchen. Coffee?”

“No. I want to sleep.” Elliot followed him though and slumped down on a barstool. He leaned his face into his hand and stifled another yawn.

Tobias sat down across from him. “It’s like this. My son signed you up.”

“So, call the teacher and change it.” Elliot rubbed his face.

“The assignments have to be approved by the administration. His was.”

Elliot felt his eyelids droop. “Get it changed.”

“By the time the approval process goes through again, Harry will get a failing grade, which he knew. He forced my hand.” Tobias waved his hand in front of Elliot’s eyes. “You awake?”

“Yeah.” Elliot thought he was. He wasn’t sure. “I was counting on you to tell him no. Sex crimes ain’t pretty.”

“No shit.” Tobias sighed and threw up his hands. “Help me!”

Elliot considered it. “Either trust me to look after Harry or let him take the consequences of his deception. Your choice.”

Tobias lowered his head and rubbed his face. “I can’t even come along. The assignment is designed to let the children experience other work environments without parental interference.”

“I’m too tired to think clearly.” Elliot was. “Your choice. Give me a call.” He got up, but he knew he swayed. Shit. He was crashing.

“Elliot, how long have you been up?”

Elliot had to think about it. “Thirty some odd hours. Rough case. I gotta go.”

Tobias took him by the arm. “Go sleep in the spare bedroom.”

Elliot hesitated. He could always sleep in the car and did occasionally. “You said my name.”

“Go lie down. I won’t bother you.”

Elliot wasn’t worried about that. He still wasn’t sure. “Get me up at six.”

Tobias nodded. Elliot knew where the bed was, and he hit it hard. He pushed off his shoes, took off his shirt and pants, and crawled under the covers. This was probably a bad idea, but he was too tired to drive.

*********

“It’s six, Elliot.”

Elliot groaned. He couldn’t get up. “Come back at eight.”

Tobias shut the door. Elliot lay there, trying to remember why he was here, but not much was coming through. He sighed, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

*********

“It’s eight, Elliot.”

Elliot pulled the pillow over his head.

“Never mind.” The door shut.

Elliot checked his cell phone. No messages. He went back to sleep. When he woke up again, it was because he smelled coffee. Damn. He had to have some. Slowly, he stretched and sat up. The clock said noon, and he groaned. He spotted a pair of sweats at the end of the bed, and he put them on so he could get coffee.

“I thought maybe I’d have to call the coroner.” Tobias was at the kitchen table with what looked like yogurt and some water.

“I’ll laugh later. I gotta have coffee.” Elliot found the mugs and poured himself some. He took it to the table. “What the hell am I doing here?”

“Please tell me you remember our conversation.” Tobias sighed softly.

“Something about Dickie, or Harry. Holly?” Elliot searched his memory. He did remember driving here, but not much after that.

“Shit.” Tobias pushed his hair back. Elliot noticed that it was getting long. He also noticed that Tobias had been lifting weights. There was a fine sheen of sweat on him. Tobias drank some water. “I’ll do a fast recap.”

Elliot listened and drank his coffee, getting up to get the cream because it was the real stuff. He waited until Tobias was completely finished. “So, what did you decide?”

“I hate cops.”

“Yeah. You’ve made that clear.” Elliot had to refill his mug. “And?”

“I should let him fail.”

“Yep. He lied or cheated or something. Hell, I don’t know.” Elliot nearly laughed at the look on Tobias’s face. “Didn’t he?”

“No. He said he was considering either you or a friend of Angus’s that runs a software business.” Tobias groaned. “I thought I was being a good parent. Giving him a choice.”

“Oh, he suckered you. He knew what you’d think.” Elliot had to laugh now. “You been doing this dad stuff very long?”

“You know the answer to that.” Tobias slumped in his chair. “Can I trust you?”

“Do you think I’d hurt a child? Your child?”

Tobias just looked at him for the longest time. “Chris asked me that once. I guess I could trust you, but what about everyone else that works over there?”

“I’ll tell them what’s happening. We won’t post any brutal rape pictures that day. Easy.”

“It’s still murder, rape, and other things a young boy doesn’t need to know about.” Tobias shook his head. “Just because I’ve been in prison doesn’t mean Harry is a hardened criminal!”

“No, but I’d warrant that he knows more than you’d like. Anyway, if Captain Cragen says no, Harry is out of luck. He’ll fail.” Elliot finished his second cup. “I need a shower.”

“Me too.”

Elliot was instantly hard. So hard it ached. So hard he wanted to rub it. Damn. His breath came a little short, and he wasn’t leaving the table until Tobias was long gone.

“Elliot, I’m not gay.”

Elliot looked at him. “I didn’t ask if you were.” He tried to look away, but he was caught in blue eyes. “Go shower.”

Tobias got up slowly. “Chris and I didn’t always get along. We fought, argued, and once or twice beat each other up.”

Elliot stood, and they were so close. “But you still felt it.”

“Yeah. It didn’t make any sense. Neither do you.” Tobias looked down. “I’m lonely. You’re lonely. It’s nothing more than that.”

Elliot had to tell the truth. “You’re the only one that my dick seems to give one damn about, but I won’t be led around by my johnson.”

“So go shower.” Tobias smoothed his hand down Elliot’s crucifix, and Elliot allowed it. Elliot didn’t mind at all. Tobias reached up and touched Elliot’s forehead. Elliot knew why - no scar. This was all about Chris. He was right between them.

“Toby, take a step away because I don’t want to.”

Tobias nodded and did it. “Too bad I didn’t meet you first.”

“You’re not gay, remember?” Elliot laughed softly.

“Neither are you, but the only way not to want you is to not look at you.” Tobias grabbed his water and left the kitchen quickly. Elliot didn’t reach for him. The shower felt good, and he washed thoroughly, talking to his dick the entire time. His dick didn’t listen. When he was dry, he put the sweats back on and went out to the fridge. He was starving, and Tobias could spare a little food.

“That’s a sight I would have bet the family fortune on that I’d never see.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Aren’t you supposed to go to work?”

“Can’t. Put in too much overtime.” Elliot shrugged. “Tomorrow.” He dug out some leftovers and found a plate. “I’m going to eat this, okay?”

“Go ahead.” Tobias sat down at the peninsula. “I really thought you’d bolt out of here at six a.m.”

Elliot was sorry to have let him down, but he had to eat. When the food was hot, he took it over by Tobias and sat down. “You should have kicked me to the curb. I’d have made it home.”

“Or not.” Tobias got up and got him a Coke. “I’m sure you had a shirt on last night.”

Elliot took a bite of food. “Sorry. I forgot.”

“Right. You don’t even notice.” Tobias laughed. “Chris would walk around naked without a care in the world.”

“I’m not that bad. I usually wear something.” Elliot had to wear briefs. He had kids. He ate some more and thought about his life again. “I think I’m going to sell the house.”

Tobias seemed surprised. “Why?”

“I can’t handle living there. It’s too damn lonely. I offered it back to Kathy, but she said she didn’t want to live in Queens any longer.” Elliot wasn’t sure why he was telling Tobias all of this.

“Where are you going to live?”

“I’ll find something cheap. Funny thing is: I don’t really care.” Elliot didn’t. He had his work and visiting his kids, and that was it. It was enough. “The money would be nice. I’d like my kids to be able to go to college without racking up huge student loans.”

“Sounds like you made up your mind.”

“I guess I did. It’s just hard to actually do it. So many memories. It was our home.” Elliot stopped talking. He was saying too much and sounding more and more like a pansy every minute.

Tobias reached and touched him on the hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I screwed it up.” Elliot moved his hand, but not in such a way that it was an insult. The touch was almost painful. He finished his food and drank his soda. “Thanks. I’ll get out of your hair.”

“No rush.” Tobias took the plate to the sink. “I’m not doing anything today either.”

Elliot smiled. It was nice to hear that, but he had to go. “Thanks for not cheering wildly.”

“El, I can’t be nice to you.” Tobias stroked his hand through his hair. “It’ll lead to a bad place.”

“I know, Toby. It’s okay.” Elliot knew it was wrong, even if it would feel good. “Anyway, if our kids found out, well, it’d be bad.”

“No shit. Holly would insist that Richard be allowed to move in on principle.” Tobias looked at him imploringly. “Can’t you just disappear?”

Elliot was surprised how much hearing that hurt. It shouldn’t have, but it did. It wasn’t like they were friends, and he didn’t care, but it hurt. Moving quickly, he went back to the spare bedroom and dressed. He tossed the sweats on the bed. His badge and gun were locked up at work, and he found his cell phone under a pillow. No calls. He double-checked his fly was zipped and headed for the front door.

Tobias was in the front room, watching TV, and he got up fast. “Hey, I didn’t mean-”

“Send me an email with the details about Harry,” Elliot interrupted. He knew Harry had found the address. It was posted at the website. He stepped around Tobias, opened the door, and shut it right behind him. Too damn bad he couldn’t really disappear. This was all just too damn confusing, and instead of going home, he headed to Cavanaugh’s. Easter had come and gone, and he could get a beer without feeling any nagging guilt.

The place was full of the lunch crowd, but he managed to get a long neck and a spot at the far end of the bar. He was still there when the lunch crowd left, and he hadn’t moved much when the dinner crowd filtered inside. It wasn’t as if he had somewhere to go. There was no one to see. It was Wednesday, or Thursday, whatever, but the point was, he could disappear and no one would notice.

“Hey, Elliot, your butt there permanently?”

Elliot shrugged. He didn’t want to talk to Manny, the bartender, today. “Another one.”

Manny brought it over, took the cash, and made a show of counting on his fingers. “I’m going to need your car keys.”

“I ain’t leaving.” Elliot took a long drink, trying to wash away the sight of Tobias sweaty. It was going to take more beer, but he wasn’t quitting until he’d forgotten everything. He ate some peanuts, watched the game, and listened to the people around him talk. They had friends, lovers, a life. What the hell was his problem?

“That you, Elliot?”

Elliot turned, a little slowly. The last thing he wanted to do was fall off the barstool at his boss’s feet. “Yep.”

Cragen frowned. “You’re hammered.”

“Nah.” Elliot knew he wasn’t. Sure, he’d been here awhile, but he could still see, so he was fine.

“Why don’t you come eat dinner with me?”

Elliot thought about it. He wasn’t really hungry, and he didn’t want to sit through a damn lecture. Cragen was his boss, not his buddy. “No. Thanks. I’m fine.”

Cragen made a rude noise. “Did Manny get your keys?”

Elliot sighed and gave up. He pulled them out and tossed them at the board. Manny turned and caught them effortlessly. He hung them up. Elliot smiled. “Happy?”

“I guess it’s a start.” Cragen shook his head, but he went to find a table. Elliot took another drink. He noticed that Cragen had no shortage of people willing to eat with him. Was that Lenny Briscoe? Elliot thought so. He shrugged and went back to his beer. The problem was him. He was definitely the problem. Chris had probably had more friends in prison, and he’d for sure had more wives - even a husband.

Elliot laughed softly to himself. Yes, everyone had loved Chris. Chris was the twin with the winning personality. Elliot was the surly one. He noticed his beer was getting towards the bottom, and he placed it down carefully. The TV droned on, and he ate some more peanuts. When his cell phone rang, he nearly dropped it, but he got it open. “What?”

“Elliot?”

“That’s me.” Elliot found his beer and took a small drink.

“I was thinking about what you said about the house, and I think we should sell it,” Kathy said.

“I knew you didn’t give a shit.” Elliot nearly shut the phone, but it would be rude. “Any other complaints?”

“Are you drunk?” Her voice reeked of scorn.

“I’m disappearing for the day.” Elliot laughed at himself, not her. “You want to grind your boot into my balls while ya got me down?”

“I’d hoped you’d stop drinking.” Kathy sounded pissed. “You’re a mean drunk, just like your dad.”

“Love you too, babe.” Elliot snapped it shut and put it away. He wasn’t a mean drunk. Sometimes he cried and he wasn’t angry today. Tonight? He picked up his beer and finished it.

“He’s done, Manny.” It was Cragen again.

Elliot noticed that Manny didn’t argue about it. “It’s beer. Not whiskey.”

“You’re in the bag. Let me pour you in a cab.” Cragen put his hand on him.

Elliot pushed the hand away. He wasn’t a damn baby. “No. I’m going to disappear.” He laughed again and slid off the barstool. The floor was a long ways down, but he made it. When his knees were straight, he headed for the door. Time to find somewhere else. Vanishing here had been a bad idea. Everyone knew him.

“Elliot! Go home.” Cragen’s voice penetrated the length of the bar, but Elliot didn’t answer. He didn’t have a home and telling himself he didn’t care was getting weak. Stumbling over the step, he leaned against the outside of the building and breathed deeply. The impotent rage he felt at his life got his feet moving, and he walked until he had to lean against another building. Had Chris felt this way? Had the drugs made it go away? Or did killing people help? Elliot rubbed his face and wished he knew. Tobias would never tell him. There weren’t any more answers, just questions, and he hated that. He hated not knowing.

“Ten bucks for a blow,” the pro whispered in Elliot’s ear, running her hand all over his crotch. “How ‘bout it?”

Elliot didn’t think he had ten bucks left. “I’m a cop.”

She vanished. Elliot blinked and wondered where she went. He shrugged and tried to find a street sign. Where the hell was he? This disappearing stuff was easy in this city. Shit. A black and white slowly passed by, and he leaned against a pole. It stopped and backed up. The window rolled down.

“Stabler! What the hell are you doing down in this part of town?”

“Where the hell am I?” Elliot grinned.

“Shit. He’s drunk.”

“Just like his old man.”

Elliot rubbed his face. He wasn’t. “Keep moving, fellas. I ain’t doing nothing wrong.”

“You’re going to get mugged.”

Elliot turned and walked away from them. He could still walk, and if he ended up taking a beating, he wouldn’t feel it until some time late tomorrow. His father? That asshole should have given him away. Chris was the lucky one. Even if he were dead. Ridiculous, but true. Had Chris hated himself? Elliot sat down on the curb to think about it. It made sense. Why else would Chris self-destruct like he had? Elliot understood it all too well. He wanted to screw up so they’d put him away, and he’d never have to think again. Didn’t he? He rubbed his eyes, felt his stomach twist, and got ready to puke. The gutter had never smelled quite so bad.

“You finished?” Tobias crossed his arms and stayed way back.

“Probably not.” Elliot wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “How the hell did you get to this end of town?”

Tobias glared. “From what I could tell, a sector car reported you to your captain, who called Kathy. I was there, picking up Holly, and she went fucking ballistic.”

“I am so sorry I asked. I’m fine. Get in your damn limo and keep going.” Elliot hoped to God that Holly wasn’t in there. Cragen had called Kathy? He must have been trying to keep it quiet.

“You’re just like him. He took everything to mean that he was shit.” Tobias tugged at his hair.

Elliot leaned over and threw up again. When he could see again, he said, “He was right. I’m right. Hey, why are you still here?”

“Fuck if I know.” Tobias put his hand under Elliot’s arm and pulled. “Come on.”

Elliot wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t get a boner. He stared in amazement at his groin and pushed Tobias’s hand away. “If you think I’m going with you, yer crazy.”

“I promised Kathy that I’d get you home safe.” Tobias came at him again. “Do you like making her cry?”

Elliot groaned. “I hate it when she cries.” He resisted the hands pulling at him. “Is Eduardo driving tonight?”

“Yes, and I’m sure he’s laughing his head off.” Tobias came around to the front of him. “I left Holly with Sandy. Get your fucking ass up!”

Elliot stared up at him. “Did you mean it when you asked me to move in with you?”

“You remember that?” Tobias sighed. “Uh, well.”

“I knew you were messing with me.” Elliot stared at his shoes. He hadn’t believed it for one minute, and he didn’t want it. “Please, just, go away.”

“So you can fuck up your life? I walked away from Chris and he ended up dead.” Tobias slapped him. Elliot saw it coming, but couldn’t get out of the way. It wasn’t much of a slap. He’d done worse. He laughed before throwing up again. Damn. That was a lot of beer. Usually he started puking in the morning, but tonight, wait, was it the morning? He wasn’t sure.

“Mr. Tobias, sir, he ain’t getting in my limo!”

Elliot laughed. Tobias threw up his hands. “What do you suggest, Eduardo?”

“Leave him here. Fucker doesn’t want help. Fuck him.” Eduardo crossed his arms. He was thoroughly disgusted, that was obvious.

“He’s a cop,” Tobias said, and now he sounded pissed off.

“I hate cops! Leave him here!” Eduardo got in Tobias’s face. “He ain’t worth shit and you know it!”

Elliot leaned back on his arms to watch the show. Tobias didn’t look scared. Eduardo had three inches and fifty pounds on him, but Tobias just looked pissed, and his forehead looked really strange. Elliot rubbed his eyes. “He’s right, Toby. You know it. You wanted me to disappear. Well, I did. Now you get lost!”

Tobias spun around. Elliot staggered to his feet and headed down the block. He’d walk until he puked again. Sure was a big city. Quiet too. He tucked his hands into his coat, put his head down, and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. His stupid cock had caused all this trouble. If he had been a normal guy, he wouldn’t have given a shit about Tobias. Tobias. What kind of name was that? He looked like a Toby, but not Tobias. Too damn biblical and Toby was a sinner. He’d killed a little girl, for Christ’s sake!

“Elliot, stop! Please!” Toby yanked him around.

Elliot nearly shoved him on his ass, but his hands got tangled in Toby’s shirt. “Toby. Toby. Toby. Haven’t you learned your lesson?”

Toby stared, wide-eyed. “What?”

“Come on, To-by.” Elliot pulled him close and breathed in his ear. “I’ll hurt you. Just like he did. You want that? You like that?”

Toby groaned and shoved at him, but Elliot had him good. “Elliot, you wouldn’t. You’re not that man!”

“Never know.” Elliot chuckled softly and shoved him. “Go away, Toby. Save yourself. Again.”

Toby threw a fist at him. Elliot turned his back and it thumped into his shoulder. He started walking again. That had hurt, a little. Toby wasn’t a wimp. Elliot looked both ways at the corner and crossed. He was feeling much better. His stomach growled and he knew that was bad. He found an alley and threw up again. Leaning against the wall, he hoped that was the end of it. His feet were starting to ache, and he yanked a cardboard box out of a dumpster, squished it flat, and sat down. Two seconds later, he had company.

“Honey, this box ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

“You’re a cop? Are you sure?” Toby wiggled his ass until he had half of it.

Elliot shrugged. He wrapped an arm around him, just to get it out of the way. “My dad was a cop. Me, well, who knows?” He leaned his head back and shut his eyes. “Do me a favor and go home to Holly.”

“How about you?”

“I got nothing to go home to, but you do. Don’t fuck it up.” Elliot was tired now. He fumbled out his cell phone and checked the time. “And Sandy likes to get home before midnight.”

“Eduardo drove off.” Toby laughed. “He said he didn’t like faggots anyway.”

“You aren’t gay.” Elliot put his phone away. “Call another one. Please, just, do it. Eduardo was right, and nothing is going to happen to me.”

“You might get mugged.”

“Might.”

Toby groaned and rubbed his face. “How the hell did I get dragged into this drama?”

“Don’t know.” Elliot hated drama. This wasn’t it. He just wanted to rest. Rest.

*********

Elliot felt the underside of a New York taxi. No, that wasn’t dirty enough. He pushed to his hands and knees, dry-heaved, and sank back down on the bed. Bed? Where the hell was he? He rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. He was at Toby’s house. He recognized that light fixture. His stomach roared at him, and he swallowed hard. Very slowly, he sat up. The fact that he had no clothes on registered, but he didn’t care.

The door opened. “You alive?”

“When I can walk straight, I’m going to kick your ass for bringing me here. Holly didn’t need to see it!”

“She didn’t. I made sure of that.” Toby came inside and held out a mug of coffee. “I thought about it for a long time, but I couldn’t leave you passed out in an alley, somewhere in Manhattan.”

Elliot took the coffee and ignored all that talk. He sipped, swallowed, and prayed it stayed down. “I gotta call Kathy.”

“I did.” Toby pointed to a dresser. “There are some clean clothes in there.”

Elliot’s cell phone rang and he put down the coffee before opening it. “Stabler.”

“You’re alive. Good. I expect you at work today.”

“I’m getting in the shower right now.” Elliot tried to sound sober. Cragen hung up on him, and Elliot shut it and tossed it. “I gotta go to work.”

Toby had moved closer, and he squeezed Elliot’s shoulder. “I moved you in last night. Your clothes are here, and your shaver, and anything else I thought you’d want.”

“Well, take it all back while I’m at work and I won’t beat the shit out of you.”

Toby leaned and kissed him on the forehead. “I knew you’d say that.” He walked out. Elliot drank some more coffee and staggered towards the shower. He had to try to think, but he’d killed so many brain cells that it wasn’t possible. Maybe he should stop thinking and go with the flow. Just let it all slide away. He didn’t really give a damn, did he? The water ran off his back, and he used a lot of soap. He shook his head to clear it, but it didn’t work. Well, he’d stumble through the day. Everyone was going to be laughing at him anyway.

Elliot finished his coffee while shaving, organized his few bathroom items the way he liked them, and went to get dressed. He took the time to really look at this part of the house. It was down a short hallway off the kitchen: bedroom, bath, and the office where he’d put his gun. It didn’t look used. Someone had set up this part of the house as an apartment. Why? He remembered that he wasn’t going to think today and went to get dressed. He found some jeans and a sweatshirt he liked. No suit today. God no. Cell phone and wallet and he was going to try to face the day. He took his mug back to the kitchen and refilled it.

Toby was at the peninsula with a cup of his own. “Your car is out front.”

“We’re going to talk later about how much money you had to throw at my problem.” Elliot hoped he’d have the ability to talk at some point today. Right now, he just felt fried. “Whose office is that?”

“Yours, now.” Toby shrugged. “Mine is upstairs.”

“I haven’t made it up the stairs yet.” Elliot wasn’t going either. He leaned against the cabinets and tried to think of something to say. “Who lived back there?”

“I did, before I got married. This is my parent’s home. Mine now.” Toby pushed Elliot’s car keys at him. “I put a house key on it.”

“Don’t need it.”

Toby sighed softly. “I have to get Harry after school today. His career day is Monday.”

“I may not have a job by then,” Elliot muttered. He rinsed out his mug, put it in the sink, grabbed his keys, and went out the front door. Chris still looked sad, and Elliot understood why. Trapped in a hell of his own making with no way out - brothers, twins, it was all the same.

The ride to work took half as long as it did from Queens, and he wasn’t happy about that because he could get used to it fast. He stopped at his locker, hung his badge around his neck, and put his gun on his hip.

“Elliot! My office!”

Elliot started that way. He had known it was coming, but the yelling made Cragen feel better. “I’m here.”

“Better late than never.” Cragen looked him up and down. “How you feel?”

“Fine.” Elliot went ahead and sat down in the chair by the door. Dr. Huang was lurking in the shadows, and Elliot had a feeling he was going to be here until they had the answers they wanted.

“Would you care to explain what last night was all about?”

Elliot chewed his lip. “I got drunk. Plastered. Spent all day drinking. Started at noon. Quit when you made me. After that, I went home.”

Cragen sat down at his desk. “Why?”

“I hadn’t had a drink in months.” Elliot made sure not to look at Huang. “I’m not a drunk. I just got drunk.”

“What’s the underlying reason, Elliot, the job? The divorce?” Huang asked softly.

Elliot tapped his fingers on his leg. It was time to come clean to his boss. Otherwise, he might be packing up his locker and going home. “Remember that personal time I took about two years ago?”

Cragen furrowed his brow. “Yes. You said you had a death in the family.”

Elliot nodded. “Mind if I use your computer to show you?”

“Be my guest.” Cragen looked confused. Elliot accessed his email and opened up the picture that Harry had sent him. Cragen and Huang both looked stunned.

“Things, well, everything has been difficult lately, but I have a grip. Yesterday, I just needed to blow off some steam.”

Cragen looked away from the screen to him. “I can see where the last year has been stressful.”

“Yes, but if you take this job away from me, I’m going to crack in half.” Elliot hated speaking so honestly in front of Huang. “I lost my twin brother and my family. I can’t lose this too.”

“No more day drunks,” Cragen snapped. “Promise me.”

“No more.” Elliot rubbed his face. “My word.”

“Keep it or you’re gone.” Cragen looked at Huang. Huang nodded slightly.

Elliot had no idea what that nod meant. “Since you have my mail box open, please read that email I got from Harry Beecher.”

Cragen took hold of the mouse and clicked a few times. “Is he serious?”

“Very. Boy’s bright, not like my kids.” Elliot had to smile. “Career day is Monday. Your call.”

Cragen stared at the screen a little longer. “You’ll shelter him from the worst of it, right?”

“Yes.” Elliot was ashamed that Cragen had to ask. “He’s a good kid. His sister is dating Dickie.”

“Now it makes sense.” Cragen nodded. “I’ll approve it, but watch him, and you have the weekend off.”

“You’re ripping me?” Elliot had figured he would get one.

“Yes. One day. When I sit down to breakfast with the other captains, I take it personally when they’re laughing about you.”

Elliot felt that hit home. He nodded, got to his feet, and made it out the door without yelling. Huang would love to see him lose control.

Fin clapped him on the shoulder. “Still drunk?”

“I wish I was.” Elliot lowered his voice. “Everyone still laughing?”

“Yes, indeed they are,” John said from Elliot’s other side. “I’m not sure if it was the hooker or the staggering or the fact that your ex-wife had to go pick you up.”

Elliot didn’t remember a pro. “Did I get laid?”

Fin and John exchanged a look. “Damn, boy, you got to drink less,” Fin said.

“Or more.” Elliot grinned. “Just for the record, Kathy did not pick me up. A friend of the family did.”

“He still pissed?” John asked.

“If I puked in his limo, yes.” Elliot saw Cragen come out of his office. John and Fin were laughing, and Elliot found his chair.

“Fin and Munch, get out there and start canvassing.” Cragen pointed. “Elliot, you’re on ass duty for the next two days.”

Elliot didn’t bother arguing. He’d been an ass. He’d do the time. The day slid away into phone calls, reports, filing, and making sure Olivia was up to date on the case she was working with John and Fin.

At five thirty, Cragen stuck his head out his office door. “Go home, Elliot.”

Elliot didn’t move. He still didn’t have a home to go to. All that beer and nothing had changed. He’d wasted a lot of money. He sighed softly and opened a drawer to put away his open files. Chris stared back at him, and he slowly pulled it out. It was his own face, and yet not. Almost defiantly, he set it out by the photo of his kids.

Olivia came over to him. “Why don’t you go see if you can have dinner with your kids?”

“I’m not going there unless I’m armed with flowers, and I’m broke from all the beer I bought.” Elliot shrugged and went to get his coat. “We’re going to sell the house. I have to get out anyway.”

Olivia looked slightly alarmed. “Where will you live?”

Elliot dug out his keys. “That is the question, isn’t it? I’m not sure I care.” He left her there with her mouth open and went to his car. Sleeping up in the crib was out of the question. Cragen wanted him gone. Sheer stubbornness made him want to drive to Queens, but his toothbrush was at the Beecher’s. He parked near the brownstone, walked up the steps, and hesitated. There was still time to run. Still time to find a crappy hotel. Still time to think of something.

Harry opened the door. “Sandy made clam chowder.”

Elliot gave up. “We need to talk about your project.” He went inside and walked back to his room, his apartment, shutting the door in the hallway for extra privacy. Sandy had smiled at him. At least she liked him. Elliot wasn’t sure that Toby did. He went in the office and found the safe. There was a note from Toby on it. I took the code off. Just plug in yours and press enter. Harry knows your badge number. T.

Elliot read it, rubbed his forehead, and pushed his gun and badge in the safe. He used Maureen’s birthday to code it. Harry was too damn smart for his own good. Elliot changed shirts, brushed his teeth again, he could still taste beer, and went back out to the kitchen.

Harry was sitting at the peninsula, waiting. Elliot sat down next to him and thanked Sandy for the tea she put in front of him. Harry swallowed hard. “Am I in trouble?”

“I don’t know. Are you?” Elliot smiled.

“I didn’t lie. I just wanted to do it on you. I’m sorry.” Harry hung his head.

“Harry, you worked your dad into a corner, and you knew it. Apologize to him, not me.” Elliot gave Harry a hug. “I talked to my captain today, and he approved it. You’re lucky. If he’d have said no, you’d have failed because of lack of planning.”

“I was being sneaky,” Harry whispered. “Dad hates cops.”

Elliot didn’t believe that any more. “Harry, grownups are complicated. Your father doesn’t hate cops. He hates violence and guns and people that solve their problems by hurting each other. He wanted to protect you from that. My job isn’t pretty or shiny.”

Harry swallowed hard. “Scary sometimes?”

“Even for me.” Elliot drank his tea. He was finally starting to get hungry. “Think you can handle it or do you want to take the failing grade?”

“You’ll be there?”

“Of course.” Elliot caught sight of Toby, listening from the stairs. “You think about it. Let me know.”

“Okay.” Harry got down off his barstool and went upstairs.

Toby came up from the basement with a funny look on his face. “You’re making me look bad at this father shit.”

“Stop cursing, ya idiot.” Elliot let Sandy refill his tea. “Did you take my stuff back to my house?”

“No.” Toby sat down across from him. “I told the kids that you were living here for now.”

“Did they scream and run from the room?”

“They seemed pretty happy about it. I can’t imagine why.” Toby pointed at him. “It’s on you to tell Kathy and your kids.”

“If it happens, I will.” Elliot still wasn’t sure. It couldn’t be the right decision, and he had to know one more thing before he even considered it. “How much did you spend on me last night?”

Toby gave him a long, steady look. “The limo company got your car. They didn’t mention if it was extra. I moved your things with the help of my new driver.”

“If you get a bill, I’ll pay it.” Elliot wanted to snarl at him, so he did, “And don’t you ever make that kind of decision for me again. It’s my life and if I want to live somewhere crappy, I will.”

Toby rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “I do hate cops.”

“Not like Eduardo does. Did you fire him?” Elliot remembered that part of the evening clearly. He wished he remembered the hooker.

“Of course not. I just requested another driver. The company doesn’t care.” Toby smiled and shook his head. “Sandy, did you burn his suit?”

“Took it to the dry cleaners along with your shirts.” Sandy shook her head. “Smelled like, well, things a lady doesn’t discuss.”

Elliot put his head in his hands and rubbed. He had to think, and it hurt. “Please get me that bill. I’m going to go lie down until dinner.”

“I’ll call you.” Sandy smiled. Elliot shut the hallway door and went back to the bedroom. He pushed off his shoes and stretched out on the bed. It was nice just to be flat. If he stayed here, he wouldn’t be alone. Not alone. Of course, he slept in the crib a lot, so it wouldn’t be all that often. It was closer to work, and Sandy was a great cook. He knew he was talking himself into it, but if he were honest, and he didn’t want to be honest, he’d admit that he didn’t care where he slept. The things he loved the most were gone, except on Saturday nights and sometimes Sundays. He shut his eyes and rested.

“Supper!”

Elliot got up with only a small grumble. He was hungry. Not eating all day would do that to a person. He hoped he could face food now, and he tried not to slink out to the kitchen table. Holly pushed the chair back next to her, and he took it. “Did you tell Richard I moved in?”

“Dad told me that if I did, I’d be grounded for a month.”

“Good.” Elliot was glad to hear it. Sandy served the chowder, and he was relieved that he didn’t gag. It smelled good. He found his spoon and ate a little. Yes, he was going to live. Toby was doing his usual not-eating thing, and Elliot had to say something. “You’d be able to lift more than fifty pounds if you ate occasionally.”

Toby wiped his mouth. “Is that an insult?”

“No, a suggestion. Man can’t live on yogurt.” Elliot noticed that Sandy was smothering laughter.

“Usually, you’re not going to be here, right?”

Elliot didn’t laugh or smile. He had the feeling that he was supposed to, but for some reason it wasn’t funny. So, he was an asshole. No wonder he was alone all the time. He ate some chowder, but not as much as he would have on a good day. When the kids excused themselves, he did too, and he thanked Sandy.

“Elliot, are you going to watch TV with us?” Toby reached for him, but Elliot slid farther away. He just shook his head and went to his office. He’d had it hammered home that he wasn’t wanted here or anywhere. Tobias wanted him to disappear, and yet, he’d moved him here. It just didn’t make any sense. Elliot felt as if he were treading water, waiting to drown.

Elliot pushed away his extreme frustration, turned on the computer, and sat down in front of it. He’d send Kathy an email and do some research on the housing market in Queens. If they were going to sell, it was going to be a huge job. Just cleaning out the garage would take weeks, and if he were living over here in the lap of luxury, it would never get done.

His mailbox was full, and he started with the one from Kathy.

I hope you’re feeling better. You scared me, but I apologize for dragging Tobias into your mess. Give me a call when you can. Your brother, Robert, called and wanted to know if we’d consider selling the house to him. I didn’t know what to say. Take care, K

Elliot leaned back in the chair and sighed. She was too good to him. He deserved a good cursing out. Of course, she might have counted on Cragen to get that job done. His brother, Robert, was a good solution, if he had the money. Elliot wasn’t going to give his house away, not even to family. He found a real estate site, typed in the search parameters, and dialed Kathy while it pulled the information up for him.

“Kathy, I got your email,” Elliot stupidly said.

“You’re okay?”

“Embarrassed, but fine. I guess I lost my grip on things.” He hesitated. “You can yell, if you want.”

“It won’t do any good.” Kathy sighed. “Just don’t hurt yourself. The kids and I, well, we count on you.”

Elliot didn’t think so. “Is Robert serious about the house?”

“Very. Said he had the cash. Said he was tired of living in apartments. He is nearly fifty. Maybe he’s going to settle down.”

“Hard to believe.” Elliot smiled. “What about all the junk we have left over there?”

“Let’s pick a weekend and take care of it.” Kathy was quiet a very long moment. “Where are you going to live?”

Elliot rubbed his forehead. “Kath, I don’t know. It’s hard to care.”

“Don’t do this to me. You know we were finished.” Kathy’s voice was hard now. “Find some place the kids will like.”

“I’ll think about it and let you know.” Elliot figured he had one day, maybe two, before Holly told Dickie. They clicked off, and he heard a small knock out at the hallway door. He almost ignored it, but he went, and it was Harry.

“What’s up, little dawg?”

Harry gawked and then laughed. “I made up my mind. I want to do it.”

Stabler nodded, refusing to smile and make light of it. “Okay. We’ll do it then. Monday, you can go to work with me.”

“Thanks. Are you - are you - going to live here?” Harry stuck his hands in his pockets.

Elliot saw Sandy turn, and he had to be honest. “Let’s sit down and talk.” They moved to the table, and he spread his hands. “You’re a smart kid, so I’ll tell you some of the truth. I have to sell my house, and I don’t know where to go.”

“Some?”

“Hey, even I don’t know everything.” Elliot winked at him. “Your dad said I could bunk here for a few days until I figured it out. No big deal. Okay?”

“Okay.” Harry tentatively reached out and touched him on the hand. “I like you.”

Elliot grinned. “Thanks. I like you too.”

Harry seemed to have said all he could, and he ducked his head and raced down the stairs. Elliot smiled after him. Sandy put a glass of ice tea down in front of him and sat down. “He’s a good boy.”

“He is. Toby is lucky.” Elliot took a sip. “If I stay, are you gonna wait on me hand and foot?”

“I might. Tobias sure don’t let me.” Sandy smiled. “I like to earn my wage.”

“How long have you been with the family?” Elliot asked casually. He was just curious.

“The Beechers bought this house in the late seventies. I was twenty-two, and this was my first job. I was glad to hear they weren’t going to sell when Mrs. Beecher passed away, and when Tobias moved in, I finally had plenty to do again. Nothing like children in the house.” Sandy seemed happy to discuss it. “Mrs. Beecher passed recently. Sad. I miss her.”

“I can tell.” Elliot hooked his thumb at his rooms. “How much will I owe you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sandy frowned at him. “No way one man can make that much more work.”

Elliot frowned back at her. “Irish don’t take charity.”

“And don’t I know that!” She laughed now. “Well, we’ll discuss it with Tobias then, won’t we?”

Elliot nodded. “The clam chowder was great. You make a good meat loaf?”

She gave him the eye. “That was a challenge if I’ve ever heard one. Well, I’ll let you decide. Tomorrow night. Be here.”

“Deal.” Elliot laughed. “I gotta go putter on the computer.” She waved him away, and he took his tea back to look at housing prices. He liked her, and he liked Harry and Holly, but Toby. Well, Toby, Tobias, was something else. That wasn’t ‘like.’ That was . . . something he’d rather not face sober. It took him awhile to settle on a comparable price, and he emailed Kathy the page. She knew more than he did about the condition of the house. When he finished that, he went back to his mail and opened up the one Harry had sent him with the picture of Chris in it. Chris would laugh about this. He would. He’d probably ask if Elliot intended to steal his bitch, and Elliot would have to punch him.

“Got a minute?”

Elliot turned. “I’m not saving the world back here, so yeah.”

“I want your word that you’ll take care of him.” Toby was dead serious. “No crime scenes, no women sobbing, no dead bodies, no visits to the morgue.”

“I was going to take him over to forensics. The lab is pretty cool, but the morgue is definitely out.” Elliot smiled, yawned, and stretched.

Toby put his hands on his hips. “You’re listening to me, right?”

Elliot got to his feet fast. “Don’t you talk down to me. I was helping children when you were rotting in a cell for killing one. I’ve been trained to handle traumatized children. I know my job!”

Toby didn’t back away, but he looked stricken. “Like my kids.”

“Not really. Your children obviously still had a loving environment, beyond the trauma of losing their mother to suicide and their father to prison.” Elliot made sure his voice was quiet. “I will take care of him.”

“I believe you.” Toby sighed. “I did rot in a cell.”

“Cop talk. It doesn’t mean anything.” Elliot backed away. He didn’t want to fight now that he’d made his point. “I just don’t want you thinking I’m some ignorant cop that barely graduated high school and kicks down doors for a living.”

Toby raised his hands. “I never thought that. It’s just - he’s my son.”

“And your oldest, Gary, is dead.” Elliot watched Toby silently grieve.

“Yes.” Toby slumped down in a leather chair, and Elliot sat back down also. “Chris tried to help,  
but-”

“There isn’t anything that makes it better, not even time.” Elliot put his hand on Toby’s knee. “I’m sorry for your loss, but don’t wrap Harry too tight.”

“I tell myself that every time I let him walk out that door.” Toby put his hand on Elliot’s and squeezed. “He’s lucky I don’t homeschool him, and Holly too.”

“Now that I understand, Toby.” Elliot didn’t take his hand away. “I appreciate you letting me stay here while I get my head on straight.”

“But you’d never consider staying.” Toby nodded. “I hear you. If you need anything, I’ll help.”

“Why?” Elliot cocked his head to the side. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t get the truth.

Toby got to his feet. “Go with the ‘Tobias is a nice guy’ theory.”

Elliot laughed softly. “Even if I know it’s bogus.”

“Are you going to continue to call me Toby?”

Elliot rubbed his hand down the length of his face. “Somewhere between puking in the gutter and sitting together on a cardboard box, you became Toby. Tobias just . . . doesn’t fit.”

“It’s my name!” Toby put his hands on his hips.

Elliot shrugged. “Sorry. I’ll try to switch my brain back, but I’m still dealing with that Dickie Richard thing, so don’t hold your breath.”

“It was not my fault you called your son Dickie!” Toby burst out laughing. He lowered his head and laughed some more.

Elliot laughed with him. Some of the pressures of the week eased away from him. He got out of his chair, and he would claim later that he didn’t do it, but they were in each other’s arms. They did nothing but hold each other and breathe, and it was enough to make the world a better place.

“Let go,” Toby said softly.

Elliot did immediately, moving away also. “Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” His dick laughed at him.

Toby pushed his hair away from his face. He took a good look at Elliot’s groin and walked out of the room. Elliot adjusted his package and sat back down. This twin thing really sucked, and he blamed Chris. Chris smiled at him from the computer screen, and Elliot flipped him off. It was juvenile and satisfying.

********

Elliot reached over and slapped his alarm off. There was no way he was going to be late to work today. He showered, shaved, dressed in blue, wrapped a tie around his neck, and went to find coffee. Sandy was putting breakfast on the table, and he went ahead and sat down. She served him fast, and he stared at the plate full of food. He’d skip lunch, and he’d hit the weights.

“Holly, what’s the plan with Richard tonight?” Toby asked.

“Well,” Holly said slowly and shot Elliot a look, “he wanted to hang out here. Is that okay?”

Elliot smiled at Toby. “How long were you going to ground her for?”

“A month.” Toby pointed at her. “Did you talk?”

Holly swallowed hard. She studied her plate. Elliot kept eating. Teenagers didn’t have the capacity to keep secrets - something in their brain chemistry. “I only said that Elliot was coming over for dinner tonight. So, Richard thought we could be here, and he’d get some extra time with his dad.”

Elliot listened for the lie, but he didn’t hear it. “We’ll see. I might have to work late. Holly, let me tell him, please?”

“Sure.” Holly blushed. She ate faster.

“Bus - ten minutes.” Toby checked his watch. Elliot cleaned his plate, finished his coffee, and watched Toby get Holly off to school. Toby came back in the house, but hit the sofa in the front room. Elliot thanked Sandy and went to get his gun and badge. Toby waited until Elliot’s hand was on the doorknob, and then he said, “Have a good day at work.”

“I’m on ass duty.” Elliot shrugged. “What are you and Harry doing today?”

“We’ll think of something.”

Elliot noticed that once again Toby wouldn’t look or smile at him. Well, it was no surprise. He got moving instead of standing there. First, he made a call to Kathy.

“Hello?”

“Are the kids still there?”

“I’m getting ready to take them. Why?”

“Would it be okay if Elizabeth goes with the Dickie after school?”

“You’re asking me? Shouldn’t you be asking Tobias?”

Elliot started the car. “He said it was fine. I’m going to meet them there for dinner. Okay?” It was a lie, but he’d fix it with Toby later.

“Sure. I’ll tell them.” Kathy paused. “Everything okay?”

“Going to work. Bye.” Elliot shut the phone. He’d send an email. It was funny that he lived with the guy and still didn’t know his cell phone number. He ran that through his brain again - he lived with a guy. Throwing the car into gear, he shook off the sinking feeling that he didn’t know what he was doing. That was a given. Right now, he’d get through this day. He’d find a way to slide through it. He’d visited a lot of prisons, and he’d seen the looks on their faces. They were just letting it happen. He had to do the same. Chris would understand.

********

“Elliot, go home,” Cragen said.

Elliot saw that it was five thirty and looked over his shoulder. “Still mad, huh?”

“You set for Monday?” Cragen neatly avoided the question. That was answer enough.

“I think it’ll work. Everyone has a head’s up.” Elliot nodded. He would make sure it was interesting, but not traumatic. “You sure I can’t come in for a half day tomorrow?”

“Positive. If I hear you’re drinking, I’ll have your badge.”

Elliot shut down his computer and let it roll off his back. He didn’t care. Damn it. He still had his job, that was the important thing. His kids and his job were the two big things in his life, and the rest of it was all negotiable.

“Going home?”

“I’m going to have dinner with Elizabeth and Dickie.” Elliot put on his coat. “You?”

“Got a date.” Olivia grinned. “Handsome lawyer.”

Elliot smiled. “I might have to get me one of those.” He blushed after the words slipped out because it was Toby he was thinking of. He tried to dig himself out. “Well, pretty, not handsome.”

“I was wondering if the world had tilted the other way on its axis,” John said slyly. “Elliot, you seem to prefer blondes. Olivia likes her men with dark hair. Interesting.”

“Please, no black helicopters tonight,” Fin said. “We going out for beer?”

“Olivia has a date. I’ve been sent home by Cragen. You two go ahead. You’re a cute couple.” Elliot grinned. Fin shot him a nasty look. John just laughed. Elliot got his stuff and went out the door. He did like blondes, but he wasn’t against brunettes. Of course, sex wasn’t on his agenda. He’d have to hire a pro to get laid, and he wasn’t wasting his money on that.

Suddenly, he was in front of Toby’s house, and he parked the car. It was Dickie that opened the door for him. Elliot smiled and hugged him. Elizabeth came out of the kitchen and joined them. It was nice. These kids were his life. He didn’t matter.

“How was school?” he asked quietly.

“Good,” they said at the same time, “I got an A!”

Elliot laughed. “I’m proud of both of you. Tell me, what are the plans for tomorrow night?”

“Maureen wants to go to the movies. Again. Kathleen wants to go to Times Square. Again,” Elizabeth said and sighed dramatically. “We don’t care.”

“Well, you get an extra evening.” Elliot kissed them one more time over their protests. He gently tugged them over to the sofa and made them sit. He sat down with them. “Listen, I have to tell you something.”

Dickie and Elizabeth instantly sobered. “We know you’re selling the house,” they said together.

“Would you two stop that?” Elliot rubbed his forehead. He started over. “Your mother and I are talking about selling the house. It’s not a done deal. You know that, well, work has been tough lately.”

“You always say that,” Dickie said. “Are you moving away?”

“No!” Elliot made sure to look them in the eye so they knew he was telling the truth. “Toby, well, he offered to let me stay here for a couple of nights until I straighten things out.”

Dickie’s eyes were huge. “You’re living here?”

“For a little while. Yes.” Elliot swallowed his spit. “Is that okay?”

Dickie couldn’t seem to form words. Elizabeth asked, “This is about selling the house?”

“Yes,” Elliot said. That much was true.

“Mom is going to freak out!” Dickie stared at him. “That is so cool. Can I move in too?”

“No,” Elliot said firmly. He’d known that was coming. “Elizabeth, it’s not a big deal.”

Elizabeth shrugged. “I’m glad you’re not alone. It worries me.” Her eyes drifted down to Elliot’s gun. “A lot.”

Elliot hugged her. “Don’t worry. I’m fine. I just need to work things out.”

Dickie got in his own hug. “Wow, this is great.”

“Dickie, I am moving out.” Elliot grabbed him by the ear and twisted. Dickie yelped, Elizabeth laughed, and the conversation was over. They scooted off, and he went to put his gun away. He stared at it a long moment before locking the door. Elizabeth shouldn’t have to worry that he’d eat a bullet. He wished she didn’t know enough to be scared. His badge, he put on top of the gun, and he shut the safe. He had a weekend, and he was going to enjoy it, even though it cost him money. Everything but his kids could wait.

Quickly, he changed into some sweats and a ratty T-shirt that said NYPD on it. No reason to dress up, and he hadn’t had time to work his biceps and triceps during lunch, so he was going to fix that now. He smiled at Sandy and went downstairs to the fun part of the house. Harry was on the computer, Dickie, Elizabeth, and Holly were playing video games, and Toby was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s your dad?” Elliot asked quietly.

“Upstairs?” Harry shrugged. Elliot didn’t push it. He went over to the weights, found what he wanted, made a few adjustments, and sat down on the bench to do curls. The second set he did standing, and by the third, he was hurting. That was good. He took a break, sat down, and smiled at the look on Holly’s face.

“What?”

“You’re strong,” Holly said.

Elliot shrugged. “Richard, come show Holly what you got.”

“Dad!” Dickie complained. “That’s embarrassing.”

“Girls like a guy with a little muscle.” Elliot laughed softly. Holly went back to the game. Elliot knew that Dickie lifted weights sixth hour, but obviously, he was still shy about his body. Thank God. He might keep his pants on. Elliot adjusted the weights again and started on his triceps. He didn’t quit until muscle failure, and it felt good in a painful way. He sat down, breathed, and watched the clock. Toby came down the stairs, stopped halfway, looked right at him, turned, and left. Elliot lowered his head, took a deep breath, and made his arms burn. Burn. Burn. He wasn’t going to think, or worry. It didn’t matter.

********

“Thank Mr. Beecher before I take you home.” Elliot spoke quietly so his kids didn’t feel one inch tall. They went to do that, and he found his keys. He waited for them in front of the fireplace. Chris stared back at him. The twins went past him and out the door, and he took them home to Kathy. Instead of going in and talking, he kissed them goodbye, waited until they were inside, and drove away. He got out on the interstate and let the road slip away under his wheels. He was absolutely sure that he was at a crossroads in his life. Left or right, but not both, and there was no going backwards. Kathy wasn’t going to come back to him. His kids were almost grown, and his parents were dead. If he wanted, he could keep going until he hit a different ocean, find a job, and live quietly.

And he’d never do that. Maureen and Kathleen might be older, but he still wanted to be part of their lives. And the twins would need more guidance in these next years, not an absentee father who might send gifts on their birthday. He’d sell the house and the money would go for college expenses. It was the best thing to do. A sign for a roadside café made him look, and he pulled in to piss. Lord knew he wasn’t hungry, not after eating Sandy’s meal. He leaned against the hood of his car, took a deep breath, and let himself think of Toby. That was the real dilemma. Could he walk away from that blond lawyer? Chris’s friend?

“Damn it all to hell,” Elliot muttered and rubbed his face. At that instant, his cell phone rang, and he answered it. “Stabler.”

“You bullied Tobias into letting you live with him! Just so you could see your kids more often!” Kathy’s voice was so loud that he pulled the phone away from his ear. “Elliot! That’s-”

Elliot shut his phone off and pressed it into his forehead. He hadn’t done that. His sin, and it was a sin, had been reaching out when he should have gone the hell home. If he hadn’t been so damn lonely, he wouldn’t have made that mistake. And Toby? No matter the attraction, Toby couldn’t even look at him. Elliot squeezed the phone hard. He got back in his car and drove back to the brownstone. There was a light on upstairs, but the downstairs was dark, and he had to use the key. He went through to his room. His room? No, but he’d been comfortable here, even when he was drunk. Wow, he was an idiot. Cragen wasn’t going to forget that any time soon.

“Are you leaving?”

Elliot whirled around, his heart in his throat. “Scare the shit out of me!”

Toby put his hands up. “Thank God your gun is in the safe.”

“I wouldn’t have pulled the trigger,” Elliot grumbled and sat down on the bed. “Didn’t your mother teach you to knock?”

“I did, but you didn’t answer, and for some reason, I was worried you were drunk.” Toby backed up another step.

Elliot glared. “What I can’t believe is that you bothered to walk down the stairs. You haven’t even looked at me tonight, much less said two words.”

Toby pushed his hair back. “Don’t you have a clue? You were in a tiny torn shirt and sweats for half the night!”

“What? Why the hell would you . . .” Elliot let the sentence die away. He sure as hell hadn’t intended that reaction. His own dick twitched. “Sorry. I didn’t think.”

“For some reason, I believe you. You’re not a flirt.” Toby groaned. “I’m sorry too. I thought, well, that I wouldn’t care, and I was just helping you out because your Chris’s brother but-”

Elliot put up his hand. “Stop. Right there. You don’t care, and I’m just freeloading because I want to see my kids.”

Toby stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’m glad you have all the answers.”

“Well, Kathy does, but she could be right.” Elliot looked away in the hopes his dick would give up. “Yeah, I’m leaving.”

“Why?”

Elliot could have named off ten good reasons, but there was only one that was making him leave. “Because you won’t look at me, and I can’t take it. You, just, go on with your life, and I’ll go somewhere else.”

“Come on, El, you don’t want me looking at you!”

Elliot bit the inside of his lip. Crossroads? Definitely. Left or right. John had said it. The world was about to switch around on its axis. “I’m not Chris.”

“No one knows that better than me.” Toby moved closer. “Would you like to see the pictures I have of him?”

“Yes.” Elliot did want to see. “He gave up, didn’t he? It was all just too damn much.”

Toby nodded slowly. “I thought I was the one breaking, but it was him. Give me a minute.”

Elliot shrugged, pushed off his tennis shoes, and put his back to the headboard. Some part of him knew he should move this conversation to the office, where he’d be safe, but he didn’t do it. Was it hours or minutes later when Toby came in the room with a box?

“Kids asleep?”

“Yes. I checked.” Toby sat down across from him, tucked his feet under his knees, and opened it. He pushed it so Elliot could see inside.

Elliot looked, dipped his hand in, and pulled out the first picture. Each one was in its own protective cover. “How’d you get all these?”

“I’d buy a disposable camera off O’Reily, snap them, and pass it to my mother or father when they came to visit.” Toby smiled. “I lost a couple to shakedowns, but all in all, I was pleased with the results.”

“Really?” Elliot looked at one after another. They weren’t just of Chris. Other men stared back at him, and they all had that same look - life without the possibility of parole. “Doesn’t it hurt to look at them?”

Toby scooted a little closer. “Yes, but it was my life. Oz didn’t make me the man I am today, but it sure did strip away the layers.”

“The layers that society forces us to wrap ourselves inside.” Elliot nodded. “Considering where you’ve been, it’s a miracle that you’re here.”

“I say that nearly every morning.” Toby pointed to the picture that Elliot had in his hand. “That’s Ryan O’Reily - he could get anything, for a price.”

“A friend?”

“Maybe. Sometimes. A man of shifting alliances. He ran the Irish.” Toby laughed softly. “Only man I knew that could score pussy in the joint. Well, except for Chris, but that was Chris.”

Elliot wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to hear the story. At least, not now. “You didn’t?”

“Had a girlfriend, but no.” Toby got his own picture out. “Think I look good in a beard?”

“No.” Elliot took it and looked. “You look insane.”

“I was. It was . . . different. Heroin will make you crazy.” Toby nodded, and Elliot found that he was staring at him instead of the picture. Toby was clean, but beating heroin was almost impossible. Elliot had seen it time after time.

“Are you gonna stay clean?” Elliot asked softly.

“Most don’t, but yes. I don’t want it. Getting clean in the hole brings an entire new meaning to the word ‘hell.’” Toby tossed the picture in the box. “You ever do drugs?”

Elliot wasn’t sure he wanted to discuss it. “Officially, no. I’m a cop, remember?”

“So, just some marijuana in the Marines. Got it.” Toby grinned. “Was the Marines fun?”

“Difficult. The kind of thing that makes you realize who you are, and who you’re not.” Elliot had just told Toby more about his military service than he’d ever told anyone, even Kathy.

“Sounds like prison.” Toby found one of Chris and passed it over. “Chris should have gone into the military instead of Lardner.”

“No birth certificate. He had a fake social security card and driver’s license.” Elliot had been surprised Chris’s parents hadn’t dummied up a fake one, but they hadn’t. “Chris grew up in Jersey, from all I can tell, and his father was killed early - probably working for the mob. We’re Irish, but Chris’s family was Italian and German.”

“How’d you find out all this stuff?” Toby looked amazed.

“That cop thing. Opens doors.” Elliot smiled at him. “I’ve had time to dig around.”

“So what happened to Chris’s mom? He’d never say.”

Elliot slipped his hand over his hair. “She was a pro. Got sent to jail a couple of times. She died about four years ago - complications from tuberculosis. She probably picked it up at Rikers.”

Toby made a soft sound. “Poor Chris.”

“If only, huh?” Elliot had been so angry for so long about it. Chris had deserved better. Chris had become the man Elliot might have been, but for some reason, he had dodged that bullet. It had been close though. His father had nearly driven him wild. Only the love of his mother had saved him. Toby suddenly reached for him, and their hands banged together and held tight.

“Don’t leave. Please. You need something, and so do I.” Toby’s blue eyes were big.

“It’ll look awful, and I ain’t no freeloader.” Elliot just couldn’t see it, but he didn’t turn him loose.

“What’s your mortgage?”

Elliot hesitated. Now that was personal information, so he reluctantly lied, “About fifteen hundred a month.”

“So, give me half. I’ll give it to Sandy. She needs a raise.” Toby didn’t turn him loose either. “No free rides around here.”

Elliot laughed softly and held on tight. “Seven hundred a month? Can I use the garage?”

“Of course. It’s empty. I sold my parent’s Benz.” Toby smiled now. “I’ve got you, don’t I?”

“Yeah. For now. I just can’t face that big, empty house. I’d rather sleep in lockup.” Elliot put the picture of Chris away. “Think Chris is laughing?”

“Hysterically. And he’s gloating. He always knew he was too handsome to turn away.” Toby got up, but didn’t turn him loose. “Coffee?”

Elliot stood with him. “No. Let’s just watch TV.”

“Deal.”

Elliot went out with him, and they let go of each other. He took the big chair, and Toby got comfortable on the sofa.

“That plasma screen is nice.”

“It was Harry’s idea to have it come down from the ceiling.”

“He got it off the internet.” Elliot was sure of it. He’d seen it before. “Now tell me he did the wiring and I’ll be impressed.”

“He helped. The electrician just shook his head. I enjoyed watching it.” Toby laughed and turned it on. He tossed the remote in Elliot’s lap. “Warn me when you’re going to lift weights.”

“Will do.” Elliot found some news and left it there. He wanted to sit here and pretend that everything was okay.

*********

“Coffee?” Toby hesitated before grabbing an extra mug.

“Yeah.” Elliot rubbed his eyes. He’d slept like he was exhausted, and he hadn’t thought that he was. “No Sandy?”

“She doesn’t work on weekends. I insisted.”

“I could gain fifty pounds living here.” Elliot noticed that Toby added cream before handing it to him. “Thanks.”

“She does tend to overdo it. We live on leftovers for two days, and that cleans out the fridge.” Toby sat down across from him. “I wasn’t going to ask you, but what the hell. I have tickets to the Lion King for tonight. Want to go?”

“I have four kids,” Elliot said tiredly. He was considering going back for a nap. “But thanks.”

“I have ten tickets. I know it’s weird, but Angus got them, and now he can’t go, so I’m asking you and your children.” Toby smiled at him.

“How many kids does he have?”

“Three.” Toby nodded. “And they were inviting friends, but it all fell through because of some school function. I didn’t buy them. So don’t offer to pay. Either say yes or no.”

“I’ll call and ask.” Elliot had no idea if his kids wanted to see it. “Is it good?”

“That’s what I hear. I haven’t been. The thought of all those people makes me slightly uncomfortable.”

“You live in your head too much.” Elliot drank some coffee. He’d call Maureen on her cell and work it that way. He did not want to talk to Kathy, not until she settled down. “Kathy is furious with me for moving in here.”

“I got that impression.” Toby brushed his hair back. “Why?”

“I’m using you. I’m an asshole, and I’m a loser. Those are my best bets.” Elliot leaned into his hand. He was definitely sleeping some more today. “Where’re the kids?”

“One’s up and one’s down. I’m going to lift around noon. If you’re going to lift, please pick another time.” Toby was very serious.

Elliot didn’t argue about it. It was hard to lift with a boner, and he’d have one if he saw Toby sweaty or half-dressed or breathing hard. Oh shit. He sighed and abandoned his coffee. “I’m gonna go sleep some more.”

Toby seemed surprised, but he said nothing. Elliot got out of the room without banging his dick into any furniture, but he knew Toby saw it. Shit. He was such a loser. His cell phone was on the night stand, and he dialed Maureen. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi Dad. Wow, is Mom pissed at you.”

“Yeah, I know. Would you guys like to go to the Lion King tonight?” Elliot wasn’t holding his breath. Kids were weird. Silence. That usually meant no.

“A Broadway show?” Maureen sounded confused. “Us?”

“One time offer. Ask the rest of my crew and call me back.” Elliot hung up, had a thought, and padded back out to the kitchen. “What time will we pick them up?”

“Around four? Dinner and a show?” Toby didn’t turn around in his chair.

“Sounds good, if they agree. I’ll let you know.” Elliot checked the time. It was only ten in the morning. He could sleep some more once he found out. Back to his bedroom, his phone rang. That was fast. He opened it. “And the verdict is?”

“Three squeals of joy and one cool man.” Maureen laughed. “It’s a Broadway show. What did you think we’d say?”

“I had no idea. Kids are weird.” Elliot laughed. “Tell your mom I’ll be by around four to pick you up. We’ll go out to eat and then to the show. Okay?”

“More than okay.” Maureen was smiling. “We’ll be ready.”

“Sounds good. Bye. Love ya.” Elliot turned his phone off so Kathy couldn’t call and yell at him. He crawled under the covers and shut his eyes. It took some doing, but his dick gave up, and then he slept.

*********

Elliot finally got up, showered, dressed in nice but casual clothes, and went to find some more coffee. The kitchen was empty, but there was coffee, and he took it to the table. The house was quiet. He might be alone for all he knew. Pulling out his cell phone, he turned it on and saw that Kathy had called twice. He was in deep shit there, and he had no idea what to say to make it better. Whatever he said, she’d think he was lying.

He drank a full cup before going back to what he guessed was now his office and turning on the computer. His inbox was still full, most of it spam, but he did have one from his brother. He read it quickly. Robert was putting together a bid. Kathy was handling the paperwork. No real estate agent, and it would save them thousands. That was good news. The bad news was that he was going to have to find a place for everything that was left in that house. Salvation Army? Storage? He rubbed his face and hoped his job was calm enough that he’d have time to deal with it. Otherwise, he’d have to throw money at the problem, and he hated that.

“You awake?” Toby asked from down the hallway.

“I’m in the office!” Elliot yelled, but not too loud.

“Are we on for tonight?”

“Yes. I was surprised, but apparently they want to go.” Elliot smiled. “Okay?”

“Holly will be happy to hear it. She’s been on pins and needles. Apparently whether Richard goes has some bearing on what she wears.” Toby sat down and laughed. “Ah, to be young and in love.”

“Were we ever?”

Toby laughed. “Not me. You?”

“Horny yes, but love? That’s a tough one.” Elliot had grown to love Kathy, and then it had faded away from neglect and anger. “Think you’ll ever re-marry?”

Toby gave him a funny look. “I should show you my ass. It’s a deal breaker.”

Elliot immediately flashed back to the file he’d read. “No. Reading about it was bad enough. But thanks!”

Toby glared for two seconds and then laughed. “I knew you’d read my file. What I didn’t count on was you actually speaking to me afterwards.”

“I was pretty damn rude if I remember right.” Elliot was still ashamed of that. “You’re lucky they had no proof that you’d shanked Chris or you’d still be in there.”

Toby turned a funny shade of white. He swallowed hard and looked away. “I’ll take the fifth on that.”

“Good idea.” Elliot had been furious when he’d connected the dots, but prison was prison, not Park Avenue. “And Schillinger? You knifed him but good.”

“Chris switched a prop for the real knife. Stupid play.” Toby just sounded tired now.

“And then there’s your arms and legs.” Elliot deleted some spam. “Toby, I work sex crimes. I’ve seen it all.”

“Well, now I feel better." Toby was good at the sarcasm. "Schillinger pragged Chris too, back in Lardner.”

Elliot understood the intent, if not the slang. “I guess Chris owed him then.” He raised an eyebrow and smiled tightly. “You forgave him for breaking your arms?”

Toby nodded, but not enthusiastically. “I did. He was backed into a corner. Schillinger had him by the balls. Listen, as much as I’d love to sit around and reminisce about all my old injuries, I gotta go take a shower.”

Elliot nodded. “You still want me to live here?”

“Yes. You’re not afraid of the dark places I’ve been.” Toby walked out fast. Elliot stared after him for a second before going back to his email. That was true. He wasn’t afraid, but he was going to be careful. Toby might still have a shank around the house.

At three-thirty, Holly came downstairs. She yelled, “Let’s go! Now!”

Elliot burst out laughing. Toby rolled his eyes and said, “I think she’s ready.”

“Ya think?” Elliot got his keys, cell phone, and wallet.

Toby looked out the window. “The limo is here.” He opened up the front door and bowed. “Your carriage awaits, my lady.”

“Cut the small talk and move it,” Holly grumbled.

Elliot threw his arm around Toby’s shoulder. “Let’s sit between them.”

“She might hurt us.” Toby grinned at him. “Harry! Time to go!”

Harry came flying down the stairs, and they all went out. Elliot had put his car in the garage earlier when he realized that driving would be stupid. He got in the limo last and was reminded that his life was out of control. Every day seemed to be stranger than the one before it.

“Who’s your new driver?” Elliot asked after taking a look.

“Felipe.” Toby shrugged. “He seems nice enough. Not much English yet.”

Elliot was so tempted to run a background check on him. “Can’t you get someone that’s legal?”

Toby smirked. “It seems prejudiced to ask. Felipe might be third generation. How can I know?”

“As long as you don’t trust him,” Elliot said with a smile. “This limo seems newer.”

“It is. I asked for a newer one. Extra space. You have long legs.” Toby gave Holly a pat on the knee. “Does Richard know we’re all going together?”

“I called him.” Holly nodded. “Was that okay?”

“Sure,” Elliot said. He wasn’t sure he believed that long legs excuse. “Hey, if Kathy comes out with a skillet, I’m getting behind you.”

Toby laughed. “My skinny ass won’t save you. Oops. Sorry, kids.”

“We’ve heard it before, Dad,” Harry said. Elliot watched Toby’s face light up like a Christmas tree. Was that the first time Harry had called him Dad? Elliot thought maybe so. Elliot got out of the limo and went to the door.

Richard yanked it open and practically fell out. “I love you, Dad, and you better run.”

“Get in the limo.” Elliot stood his ground. “Kathy! I’m here!”

Girls came piling down the stairs and kissed him before going on out. Kathy was in the kitchen, but luckily, she put her knife down. “I still think what you’re doing is wrong. Tobias doesn’t deserve your shit!”

Elliot didn’t have an answer for that.

“Kathy, I asked him to move in, and I had to talk him into it. I have a back apartment at my brownstone, and he’s going to pay rent.” Tobias put his hands on his hips. “We’ll work around the kids, but I know he’ll be at the precinct most of the time. Did you expect him to live a homeless shelter?”

“It was his decision to sell the house!”

Elliot opened his mouth, but Toby jumped in first. “And you never mentioned that you needed the money? Give me a break. Fight fair or don’t bring it to the field.”

“Toby, that’s not-” Elliot didn’t think that was completely true.

“He’s using you, like he used me!” Kathy pointed. “Out. Both of you.”

“Kathy, he’s not using me. I like him. God knows why.” Toby stepped closer to her. “Let it slide - for the kids.”

“He said that for years.” Kathy seemed to slump. “The schedule can stay like it is, but Elliot, I don’t want to hear any complaints about selling the house.”

“You won’t. I give up.” Elliot moved in front of Toby. This was his fight. “You can have all the money. I don’t want it. I quit, Kathy. Just like you did.”

Kathy turned and went back into the kitchen. Her silence said it all. Elliot turned and poked Toby in the chest with his finger. “You need to stay out of things that aren’t your concern!”

“You need someone to stand up for you. Lying there like a damn doormat. Shit, Elliot, all the money? What the hell are you supposed to do?”

Elliot lowered his head. “I just don’t care. Come on, let’s go see a show. Maybe Scar won’t kill Mufasa this time.”

Toby rubbed his face, but he followed Elliot out to the limo. The kids were dead quiet when they got inside, and Elliot cracked a small joke. “Harry, do I have a knot on my head?”

They all laughed. Toby forced a smile, and Elliot hugged Maureen. She smiled weakly. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Let’s have a nice night. How many times have we gotten to ride in a limo?”

“Like, zero.” Maureen smiled. “Introduce me to your new friends?”

Elliot made all the introductions, and she was right. Toby was a friend. More than.

********

“Harry, you’re sure?” Toby got on one knee and hugged him. Elliot saw Harry’s mortified look and left them alone, going out to get the car from the garage. Harry was ready. Toby wasn’t. When they came out, Harry got in the car fast, so Elliot strolled over to Toby.

“Got my cell number?”

Toby shook his head. He looked miserable. “If I get it, can I call?”

“Once, at lunch.” Elliot gave him the number. “Trust me. He’ll be fine.”

Toby shut his phone and went back in the house. He didn’t answer about the trust thing, and Elliot made sure not to smile. Toby might be watching. Harry was already buckled, and Elliot did the same. “Ready?”

“Yes, but Dad is freaking out.”

“He’ll get through it.” Elliot hoped Harry didn’t feel responsible for everything Toby did. “He’s a grownup. Don’t worry.”

Harry nodded. “I got my video camera and my notebook.”

Elliot put the car in gear and got them moving. He didn’t want to be late, even if it was just ass duty and making sure Harry had a good experience. Cragen was mad enough.

“Elizabeth is nice,” Harry said quietly.

“She’s too old for you.” Elliot grinned at him. “Older women are for later in life.”

Harry grinned back at him. “I didn’t mean that way! I just meant she doesn’t treat me like a baby.”

“She better not. I’ll smack her around.” Elliot was sure Harry knew he was joking. “When we clean out the garage, you should come see if there are any bits and pieces that you want.”

“Like what?” Harry suddenly looked eager.

“Radios, televisions, old stuff, you know.” Elliot thought about it. “I think I have an old computer out there.”

“I’m there.” Harry nodded. “I’ll help too.”

“Thanks.” Elliot hoped Toby didn’t mind. It was probably a good idea to consult him before asking his kids to do things. Elliot didn’t want to piss him off, at least not right away. It had only been two days. Now, on to the business of the day. “Harry, there might be a situation today where I’ll need you to stay in the car or walk away to a safe zone. Can you do that?”

Harry serious. “Because I might get in trouble?”

“Yes, but also because I have a responsibility to the people that are injured and the people that I arrest. They have feelings too.” Elliot wasn’t sure about the latter group, but he had to make a point. “Do you understand?”

“You mean, I might make it worse for them?”

“Yes.” Elliot patted him on the shoulder. “Just promise me that if I ask you to walk away, you will.”

“I promise.” Harry was very serious, and Elliot heard the truth. Elliot parked the car, got out, and smiled. Harry took a deep breath. “I don’t hate cops.”

“Good. They’re people too, ya know.” Elliot put his arm on Harry’s shoulder. “Come on, I’ll show you the sedan.”

********

“Stabler.”

“How’s Harry doing?” Toby cut right to it, not even offering a hello, and it made Elliot smile.  
Elliot looked over at Harry, busy interviewing John. “He’s doing very well. I’m impressed with him.”

“About done?”

“I get off at five tonight. We’ll be home then.” Elliot made sure to sound firm. “Thanks for checking in with us.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“He’s occupied. Ease up there, Toby.” Elliot wasn’t going to interrupt Harry and make him feel like a child, even if he was one. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Toby grumbled.

Elliot laughed and shut the phone.

Benson spoke up. “Nice boy. Where are we taking him to lunch?”

“Our usual place.” Elliot glanced back at Cragen’s office. “Think I’m out of the dog house yet?”

“Getting there.” Benson nodded. “You’ll be in the field by tomorrow.”

“I hope so. My ass is getting big.” Elliot got up and stretched. He went over to John’s desk and listened. “John, enough with that. It’s time for lunch.”

“Just trying to educate our youth.” John smiled. “Harry here is remarkably perceptive.”

“Let’s go to lunch, Harry.” Elliot smiled. “You can stow the video camera in my locker.”

“And then we’ll see the lab and lockup?”

Elliot nodded. “And I want you to meet our technical assistance team.”

Harry gawked. “Wow.”

Benson grabbed her coat. “Elliot, your turn to buy.”

“Good enough.” Elliot got his coat and Harry’s. “Harry, the next half hour is the most important part of being a cop.”

Harry put his coat on. “Shooting practice?”

“Hot dogs,” Fin whispered in Harry’s ear. Elliot smiled, and they took Harry down to the corner for a hot dog and a soda.

********

“Elliot! My office!”

Elliot nearly cringed. Another ass-kicking. “Harry, hang out with Olivia.”

“You bet. Olivia, can I see the interrogation room again?”

Elliot didn’t ask why. He went to get his ass chewed. “Yes, Captain?”

Cragen sat down at his desk. “Doing okay?”

“Yes.” Elliot put his hands on the back of the chair, but didn’t sit down. He also didn’t feel the need to elaborate.

“Olivia tells me that you don’t have a place to live.” Cragen furrowed his brow. “Reassure me.”

“Kathy and I are selling the house, very quickly. I moved into an apartment in Manhattan this weekend.” Elliot bit the inside of his lip. He wasn’t going to lie, but there was a thing called discretion also. “I’ll get you my new address.”

“Good idea. Closer to work?”

“Thirty minutes.” Elliot thought that was nothing. “I’m fine.”

“I doubt that.” Cragen pointed at his computer. “Remember that problem I was having with Word?”

“Uh, no.” Elliot had missed that.

“Well, Harry fixed it. We may have to put him on retainer.” Cragen smiled. “Nice boy. Leave at four. He’s starting to look tired.”

“Thanks.” Elliot almost asked whether or not he’d be back on the streets tomorrow, but he bit off the question. No reason to push his luck. Cragen picked up a file, and Elliot got out fast. He felt as if he’d dodged a bullet, and that was stupid, but it was the guilt working at him. He felt guilty for getting blind drunk. Cragen expected more from him.

“Elliot, are you taking Harry down to central booking?” John asked.

“Well, I was thinking we’d skip it. Kinda rough for a kid.” Elliot thought Toby would freak out about that.

“He’ll want to see the new fingerprinting technology.” John frowned. “I’ll call and see how busy they are and if the place is full of pros.”

“Good idea.” Elliot checked the time. It was almost three. If they hit central booking, they could call it a day. He sat down, organized a few files, and checked his email while Harry was with Olivia. He had one from Toby, and he opened it.

I trust you, but don’t make me shank you. T

Elliot burst out laughing. He hit reply and typed - Threats by email are a class C misdemeanor, just so you know. I’m going to lift weights when we get home. That’s your only warning. E - Elliot hit send and shut down his computer.

Harry and Olivia came back into the squad room, and Elliot looked over at John. John put down the phone and said, “It’s fairly quiet. I say we give it a try. I’ll run interference.”

“I always need backup.” Elliot smiled. “Harry, get your camera. We’re going to central booking.”

Harry smiled up at Olivia. “Thanks. That was fun.”

“You can fix our equipment any time you like.” Olivia laughed. “Good news - the intercom is working in room three again.”

Harry blushed. Elliot grinned and got his coat. Today had been a good day, and hopefully, Toby would see that. The tour through central booking went without a hitch, and it wasn’t until John had gone back to the squad room, that Harry pulled Elliot aside and whispered, “Can I see the cells?”

Elliot almost snapped no, but he thought about it instead. “Sit down right there and let me ask the sergeant.”

Harry sat down fast. Elliot didn’t think it was a great idea, but he had a feeling this was about more than a school project. “Are we full tonight?”

“Practically empty. Slow night. Tomorrow, all hell will break loose.” The sergeant smiled. “He wants to see the cells?”

“Yeah, but I’m not taking him unless they’re empty!” Elliot grinned. “He’s nine, not fifteen.”

The sergeant looked at his sheet. “Row three is completely empty.” He dug in a drawer. “Here’s the keys. Have fun.”

Elliot took them and sighed. Toby might shank him for this. “Come on, Harry.”

Harry nodded and moved fast. Elliot unlocked door after door until they were at the cells. They stretched on the right down a long hallway that was a dead end. Harry swallowed hard, walked the length and then back again. Elliot watched him videotape, and then go inside one. He didn’t come out right away, and Elliot went to find out what was going on.

“You okay?” Elliot made sure he had the key and pulled the door shut with a clang.

Harry flinched. He wasn’t filming. He was sitting on the cot, staring into space. “How did my dad stand it?”

Elliot leaned against the wall across from him. “Well, I think because he knew that you and Holly were on the outside, waiting for him.”

“The stink, the small area, nothing to do. I’d go crazy!”

Elliot nodded. “It would be very hard. Your dad found out how tough he really was.”

“Very damn tough,” Harry whispered.

Elliot didn’t fuss at him for cursing. “Harry, was this what today was all about?”

Harry shrugged. “Some of it, yes. I wanted to know a little bit of it. It’s not like he’s going to take me to Oz to see his friends!”

“Oz is hell, Harry.” Elliot went ahead and cursed. “This place is much nicer. Think about that.”

“I will.” Harry got up slowly, walked to the bars, grabbed two and squeezed. “I never saw him in Oz. Holly did.”

Elliot moved closer to provide him with the comfort of having someone near. “You’d have seen him in a room that’s bright, colorful and looks somewhat like a classroom. Not his cell.”

Harry put his head down. “I still feel like I let him down.”

Elliot had suspected those words would be next out of Harry’s mouth. He gently put his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “I know.”

“But?” Harry turned and glared.

“There is no but.” Elliot shook his head. He was glad he hadn’t said it.“However, let’s say your dad was still in prison. Would you go visit him now that you’re nine?”

“Of course!” Harry looked indignant. “I’m not a baby!”

“Exactly. You’ve grown.”

Harry lowered his head and sighed. “You’re smart.”

Elliot didn’t agree with that, and he figured no one else would either. “Not very often.”

“Do you think the reason he loved Chris was because he had nothing?”

That question was unexpected, and Elliot wasn’t sure he wanted to think about it, but he answered honestly. “Some of it, but I also like to think that Chris wasn’t all bad, even though he was in prison.”

“Sometimes, the other kids make fun of me - call my dad a dirtbag convict.” Harry looked straight at him. “What do you think?”

“I think your dad made a mistake, and he paid for it. Harry, some men would have run away, but your dad faced it. It means something.” Elliot thought it did at least. “Your father deserves respect for that.”

Harry slowly nodded. “I think so too. You have the key, right?”

Elliot chuckled and opened the door. “Let’s go home.”

“My report is gonna kill.”

Elliot grinned and got him the hell out of there. It was four by the time Elliot got his car moving towards the brownstone, and Harry sat quietly. After they were parked in the garage, Harry turned to him. “Thank you, Elliot.”

“You’re welcome.” Elliot reached in his pocket. “I think you earned this.”

Harry took the ID badge and smiled. “Is it real?”

“Of course.” Elliot nodded. “You’re an official member of SVU now. Captain’s orders. I think he wants you back next week to work on his computer again.”

Harry laughed and clipped it to his coat. They got out of the car, and Toby met them at the door. Toby looked worried, relieved, and more worried. “Well?”

“I’m hungry,” Harry said.

“Me too.” Elliot grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. “Being a cop is tough work.”

“It is.” Harry nodded. He hugged his dad, and Elliot kept moving so they could have a moment. He was hungry, but he wanted to work out first. Sandy smiled and waved, and he gave her a kiss on the cheek for fun. She gaped at him and then swatted him with her spatula.

“You!”

“Yep.” Elliot laughed and went to change into some sweats and a T-shirt. Ten minutes later, he was making the weights go up and down. Toby wasn’t around, and neither were the kids. That was fine. Elliot enjoyed the quiet. Nothing in his life had changed. He was still divorced, lonely, and overworked, but for some reason, today, he didn’t feel it.

“Hey.”

Elliot turned, put the weight down, and sat on the bench. “Hey.”

“Thanks.” Toby looked away. His eyes were everywhere but on Elliot. A long moment of silence passed, and then Toby went to sprawl on the big couch. He turned on the TV. Elliot shrugged and went back to his workout. He did some squats and finished up with enough crunches to make him want to cry. When his back refused to come up off the carpet, he collapsed back flat and laughed. Holly and Harry were staring down at him.

“What?”

“Are you nuts? I can’t even count that high!” Holly exclaimed.

“Gotta stay in shape or I can’t run down the perps.” Elliot managed to say between gasps. “Two weeks ago, I had to chase a guy about ten blocks!”

“And working your abdomen muscles helps?” Harry didn’t look convinced. “Shouldn’t you go jogging?”

“No fat around the middle helps.” Elliot sat up and smiled. “Not much of a jogger.” They helped pull him to his feet. “I need a shower.”

“No kidding.” Holly wrinkled her nose and went to sit by her dad. Toby was studiously watching TV, and Elliot refused to think otherwise. The shower felt good, and by the time he got out, he could smell dinner. He put on jeans and an old sweatshirt. Dinner was almost ready, and God help him, he was glad to have a family to sit down with. It might be wrong, and it might be pitiful, but he needed it.

Toby was already in the kitchen. He looked at him now. “Ready to eat?”

“Definitely. Don’t expect me home at this time from now on. I think the boss is putting me back to work tomorrow.” Elliot hoped so.

“I don’t expect anything.” Toby came over to him and said softly, “I’ll be grateful for what I get.”

Elliot blushed and hoped no one noticed his instant boner. “Well, according to Kathy, that’ll be damn little.”

Toby shrugged and went to sit at the table. Elliot grabbed a diet soda from the fridge before Sandy could get him some tea and went to join him. Toby whispered, “Watch.” And then he raised his voice. “Sandy, Elliot and I have been talking and we think you deserve a raise.”

“A big one,” Elliot said in agreement.

Sandy came over to them. She shook her head and said, “No, I don’t. Had one two years ago. I don’t work during the day or weekends!”

“Well, with Elliot hanging around, you are going to have more responsibility, and the food budget might go up.” Toby wasn’t smiling. “Sit. We’ll negotiate.”

Elliot nodded. “There’s my laundry, cleaning my bathroom, changing the sheets, dusting, and vacuuming. That’s a lot of work.”

“Nothing at all!” Sandy protested.

“And I’m sure he’ll have dry cleaning.” Toby tapped his lips with his fingers. “How about a thousand extra a month?”

“Tobias! Absolutely not!” She honestly looked appalled. Elliot made sure not to laugh.

Toby frowned. “Doesn’t your husband need a new car? You could have a down payment in one month.”

“Yes, but, no, that’s far too much!”

Elliot went ahead and nodded. “It is, Toby. Most of the domestic help in Queens get by on far less.”

Toby narrowed his eyes at him. “This is Manhattan. What’s your suggestion?”

“Well, Sandy, am I going to make the food budget go up?”

“Not really. I already make too much. Tobias never eats!”

“That is a problem. Toby, you should eat occasionally. You’re making me look bad.” Elliot grinned at him. “How about eight hundred? With a hundred of it earmarked for groceries. Who does the shopping around here?”

“I do.” Sandy blushed. “It’s still too much.”

Toby sighed loudly. “Okay, seven hundred, but it’s all yours. The food budget stays the same. You’ll have to eat less, Elliot.”

“I can do that.” Elliot nodded. “Sounds fair to me.”

Sandy blushed, looked down, and then shrugged. “I give in!”

“I knew you’d see reason.” Toby smiled at her. “Irish people make me crazy.”

Elliot patted her hand. “He’s probably English.” He rolled his eyes. “Saints save us.”

Sandy giggled behind her hand. “Thank you, Elliot and Tobias. I’ll work hard.”

“Not too much harder. You’re wearing out the carpet.” Toby managed to look glum. Sandy bustled off to check the food, and Elliot drank his soda. That had gone well. Toby had known exactly how to play her.

Elliot heard his cell phone ringing back in his room, and he went to get it. It was Kathy, and he opened it, praying she wasn’t angry. “Stabler.”

“Elliot, Robert and I have drawn up a contract for the house.” She paused. “You do still agree that we’re selling?”

“Yes.” Elliot waited for the rest of it. “And?”

“I’ll drop it by tonight. When we got a divorce, the courts divided the house as an asset in half.”

“I remember.” Elliot did.

“My half was already assessed to me.” The line went very quiet, and Kathy didn’t even seem to be breathing, but then she rushed out, “But you said-”

“I know what I said,” Elliot interrupted. “Bring the paperwork over. I’m not going anywhere.” He shut his phone fast, stuffed it in his jeans, and went out to dinner.

********

“Need some help?” Toby waved his hand at the paperwork that Elliot had spread out on the coffee table.

Elliot frowned at him. He hadn’t gone back to his office because he’d thought that Toby was in bed. “Do I need to have a lawyer look it over?”

“What is it?” Toby didn’t sit down.

“Real estate contract.” Elliot went ahead and scooted over. He had a feeling that Toby was going to sit next to him. It happened two seconds later.

“You should.” Toby nodded. He picked up the first page. “Of course, since you’re just giving her the money, maybe you should sign and not look at the profit you’ll be missing out on.”

Elliot rubbed his face. “She’s worried about that. Seems her half of the house was assessed during the divorce. I’d forgotten.”

“Legally, the house is yours.” Toby put it down, leaned back against the sofa, and said, “If you give it to her, how do you know she won’t squander it?”

“I don’t. I mean, I trust her not to. She was always good with money.” Elliot couldn’t believe Kathy would do that to him and his children.

“She’s pissed at you. I’m still not sure why.” Toby reached, and Elliot had plenty of time to get away, but he just watched the hand land on his shoulder. The touch was almost delicate, almost gentle, and it made him hard as stone. “Elliot, don’t just hand her a check.”

“I said I would, and I don’t give a damn about the money. I don’t really care if I do live in a homeless shelter!” Elliot let it burst out of him. “All I wanted was to live with my kids, and I can’t do that.”

“A prison of your own making.” Toby rubbed him. “Good news. You get to see them every week.”

“It’ll have to be enough.” Elliot wanted to pout, but men didn’t do that.

“Tie it up in trust funds. Each child gets a quarter of the profits.” Toby edged closer. “You don’t pay a mortgage, do you?”

“No.” Elliot nearly blushed at being caught in a lie. “Paid it off with that big bribe I took last year.”

Toby laughed. “Very funny. Okay, so the money is all yours. What are you going to do?”

Elliot wasn’t sure. “I could play the ponies and see if I could double it.”

“Right.” Toby suddenly took his hand away and started going through the contract. “You make me very, very horny, and I’m sure that’s a bad thing.”

Elliot was glad to hear he wasn’t the only one about ready to pop a button. “Is there a way to earn a little money and preserve the balances for the kids?”

“Of course. Easy. In a year or so, you’d have enough for a new car, which you’re going to need. I noticed that Kathy has a nice, new SUV.”

“She needed it.” Elliot shrugged. “I don’t suppose you’d let me pay on the bills here.”

“Not likely.” Toby shook his head instantly. “Unless I see a huge increase, and then I’m taking away your shower privileges.”

“Guess you’re the warden.” Elliot watched him closely, but Toby just nodded. Apparently, prison humor didn’t bother him. “Okay, guide me. I trust you.”

“Me? Have you been smoking weed again?” Toby grinned.

Elliot reached for him, and Toby didn’t move, so his hand wrapped around Toby’s neck and into long, blond hair. “You need a haircut.”

“Yeah. Maybe so. It grows fast.” Toby slowly settled into him. Elliot held him. Toby sighed and said softly, “I’m such an idiot.”

Elliot nodded. He was too. They looked over the contract together, and Toby pointed out a couple of things that Elliot made notes on. Elliot refused to be liable for any repairs for the next two years. His brother was crazy. When it was finished, he glanced over at Chris’s picture. Was that a smirk?

“It’s getting late. You better hit your bunk, you have work tomorrow.”

Elliot nodded, but didn’t move. “Thanks for your help.”

“You’re just lucky I do a lot of pro bono work now.” Toby rubbed his eyes. “I think I’m worn out from worrying all day.”

“Harry was a big hit at the station house. He fixed the intercom system in interview room three and the captain’s computer. He also listened to John’s conspiracy theory about John F. Kennedy.” Elliot had to laugh. “He’s a good kid.”

“Where’d you go for lunch?”

“Hot dog stand on the corner.” Elliot yawned. He was tired, but he didn’t want to leave, not yet. “It’s where all the cops eat.”

Toby somehow seemed to get closer. “He was most impressed with the technical assistance team, whatever that is.”

“They’re the guys that look for evidence of the crime on computers or cell phones. I had to drag him out of there.” Elliot paused to say these next words just right. “You gonna be disappointed if he goes that route?”

“Disappointed? In Harry? Hell no. It’s up to him. He’d be good at cyber crime.” Toby sighed. “The only person I’m ever disappointed in is me.”

“I hear you.” Elliot wasn’t sure whether to pull away or try to take him to bed. It was time to be honest. He wanted that. He wanted Toby. “Okay, so go on.”

“I thought you’d move first.” Toby laughed. “Sorry. You’re comfortable. Like a big pillow or something.”

“You’re bony. Gain some weight!” Elliot didn’t push him away. “Who knew that prison could give a fellow an eating disorder?”

“Oh, shut up.” Toby pushed at him. Elliot caught Toby’s hands. So fast that his heart nearly burst, they were kissing, and his only thought was that they should take this elsewhere. The drapes were open, for God’s sake. Toby yanked his face away. “God damn it. God damn me. Shit!”

And he left. Practically ran upstairs. Elliot sat, more than stunned, on the sofa - his entire body ached for more. He slowly picked up the housing contract, stuffed it away in its envelope, and started shutting off lights. The door was locked, and he went back to his apartment. He wasn’t sure if he should be embarrassed or angry that Toby had run out just as things had been getting interesting. Of course, the kids were upstairs. Elliot rubbed his face. He’d been going to let things slide away. Not care. Just get through each day. He laughed softly. He would never be able to do that without the benefit of beer - and lots of it.

Elliot stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed after setting his alarm. For some reason, he didn’t think Toby would boot him to the homeless shelter for a few kisses. Even if they had been really good kisses. He rubbed himself, but refused to masturbate. His dick could get over it. Maybe a pro wasn’t such a bad idea. He could afford it now.

********

Elliot thanked Sandy for breakfast and beat it out the door. He was running early this morning because he wanted to return the papers to Kathy and still make it on time to work. Halfway there, he changed his mind. It was his damn house. He’d deal directly with his brother. What was he? Some kind of wimp? He took an exit, got moving the other direction, and made it into work thirty minutes early.

Cragen gave him a look but didn’t say anything at first. Elliot felt like holding his breath. He worked at his desk for about an hour before Cragen said, “Olivia, Elliot, this one’s for you.”

Elliot controlled his reaction, but he wanted to cheer. He was back on the street, and he wasn’t going to screw it up. No more drinking until the rest of his life was stable, if that ever happened.

********

“Elliot, I’m running over to pick up Holly. Want to go?” Toby was coming out the door as Elliot came up the sidewalk.

Elliot turned and looked at the limo. He would like to see his kids, even if it was only for a minute, but that meant being alone with Toby. In a limo. In a dark limo. He waited one second too long.

“Forget it. I can see you’re thinking with your dick.” Toby shut the door and started walking.

Elliot used his longer legs to catch up with him. “I had a long day!”

“It’s been two days since we’ve seen you. Did you come home last night?” Toby opened the door to the limo, and Elliot had the uncomfortable feeling that Toby wanted to shut it on him. Elliot got in before that happened. He immediately took off his tie and rolled his shoulders. Suddenly, he realized that Toby was waiting for an answer.

“Um, no.” Elliot rubbed the back of his neck. “We had three cases come up right in a row. Turned out it was the same guy. Took us two days to track him down. We were actually lucky. He got sloppy or we’d have never caught him.”

Toby drew back a little and turned on the light so they weren’t in complete darkness. “So, you haven’t slept in two days?”

“Not that I remember.” Elliot smiled and went ahead and pushed off his coats. It was warm in the limo, and he had to unwind a little. “Don’t remember much food either. Is Sandy cooking dinner?”

“It’ll be ready when we get back.” Toby leaned forward and touched him on the knee. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“Well, I was thinking with my dick.” Elliot raised one eyebrow and gently pushed the hand away. He didn’t want his johnson to get any ideas. “These things are made for, um, well, you know.”

“Yeah. I’m starting to think that you know more than I do.” Toby laughed.

Elliot rotated his neck and listened to it pop. “That guy was sick. Sick! I don’t want to see anyone naked for a day or two.”

Toby instantly quit laughing. He looked away. “I never thought of that side effect of your job.”

“Thank God for normal sex between two consenting adults, not that I ever see any of that!” Elliot realized he was getting loud, and he shut his mouth firmly. He was still wired. That last interview had gotten him going.

“Well, okay.” Toby reached across the seat and pulled open a tiny fridge. He took a good long look. “I think you need this.”

Elliot took the beer, but he almost didn’t. “Just one. Right?”

“I think one’s enough, don’t you?”

“I do.” Elliot unscrewed it and took a drink. It was good, and he did need it. “Wait, this is illegal.”

“I don’t think so. Don’t these limos always stock champagne and stuff?” Toby looked again. “Well, mine has diet drinks and that beer, but I’m almost sure.” He glanced up. “Well, don’t throw it out!”

“Yeah. I might hit the cop behind us.” Elliot stifled a laugh, but it was funny. He drank it anyway and asked when he was finished, “Did you order that for me?”

“Uh, no.” Toby shook his head. “Strange.” He hit the intercom. “Felipe, no more beer, okay?”

“Si, Mr. Tobias. It twas left from before.”

Toby turned it off. “I’m not to blame.”

“Good to have an alibi.” Elliot tucked the empty in the trash. “I could fall asleep in here.”

“Don’t. I’d leave you.” Toby pointed. “We’re here anyway.”

Elliot got out first and walked towards the door. Toby was right behind him, and Kathy opened it. She didn’t even try to smile. “Did you bring the paperwork?”

Toby looked at Elliot. Elliot shrugged. “My house. I’m handling it.”

“Now you have time. Figures.” Kathy left the door open and went to the bottom of the stairs. “Holly, your dad is here!”

Elliot noticed the omission so he let out a little frustration. “Kids! Your dad is here!” It boomed through the house. Toby actually covered his ears. Elliot grinned. Kathy got out of the way, and Elliot thoroughly enjoyed the attention and the hugs. Everyone was home, and they were all happy to see him, and it made two tough days bearable. He didn’t drag it out. Kathy was glaring, and Holly hadn’t eaten, but it was nice.

Dickie walked them all back out to the limo. “I’m glad we got to see you, Dad.” He hugged him again. “Mom’s still angry,” he whispered.

“I know. I’m sorry. You’re going to have to let us work it out and not worry about it. We’re the adults. Not you.” Elliot knuckled his son’s head. “Got it?”

Dickie laughed and struggled, pushing him away. “Got it!”

Elliot let him loose. “Don’t be afraid to email me at work.” His kids never did, and he didn’t understand why.

“Well, I hate to bother you.” Dickie smoothed his hair down.

“Bother me? Right. You getting thrown in detention was a bother. Email is nothing.” Elliot grinned. “See ya.”

Dickie waved, and Elliot shut the door. More than anything, he wanted to stay. He’d be willing to sleep on the couch or the floor, if only he could stay. Holly changed sides and sat next to him.

“I know it’s hard, but they love you,” Holly said.

Elliot looked in her eyes and saw the years of searches and restricted visitations to a father that could never just drop by for a hug. “Thanks. I have to be grateful for what I get, not grouch about what I don’t.”

“Exactly.” Holly nodded. “And let the rest of it slide away.”

Elliot knew his eyes widened. She did understand. He gave her a hug. “You’re smart - for a girl.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and went back to her father. “Can I hurt him?”

“He carries a gun.” Toby kissed her on the cheek. “Did you get your homework done?”

“Sure did.” She smiled. “We want to go to the movies on Friday. Is that okay?”

“We’ll see. Harry and I might go with you.” Toby laughed. “I promise to pretend we don’t know you and Richard.”

“Then, that’s okay. I could ask Elizabeth too. I like her. She’s a good friend.” Holly keep on talking, and Elliot didn’t really listen to the rest of it. He rubbed his forehead and let it all slide. Dinner was good, and he concentrated on eating and not falling asleep on his plate. Once he relaxed, sleep wasn’t far behind.

“Elliot!”

“Whoa - what?” Elliot put his fork down.

“Your eyes are half-shut.” Toby smiled. “Why don’t you go to bed?”

“Where’d Holly go?” Elliot asked before realizing that he’d gone to sleep for a few minutes. “Never mind. Thanks, Sandy. It was great.”

“Go to bed, crazy Irish!”

Elliot pushed away from the table, stood, and yawned. “Toby, I need to ask you something before I go to sleep. Office?”

“Sure.” Toby wiped his mouth and followed him back.

Elliot sat down hard, accessed his email, and opened the one from his brother. “Can you look this over before I sign it?”

“Of course. Print it out.”

Elliot pointed and clicked, printing the attachment. “Thanks. You have a plan for the money?”

“We’ll discuss it when you’re awake.” Toby reached, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him up. “Go.”

“Well, okay.” Elliot didn’t turn him loose. He leaned. Held him. Breathed him deep into his lungs and shoved away any guilt. “Thanks.”

Toby didn’t push him down. “Do you have the day off tomorrow?” he asked softly.

“No.” Elliot wanted to kiss him, but didn’t. “Sorry about this.”

“What?” Toby took him by the shoulders and leaned away so they could see each other’s faces.

“The twin thing. I blame Chris. You see, if he’d have kept his pants zipped, I might have gone through life without wanting to kiss a man.” Elliot shrugged. “Ah well.”

“You’re half-asleep.” Toby turned him and tried to get him moving towards the bed. Elliot resisted, locked his gun and badge away, and then went to his bedroom. He was both disappointed and relieved that Toby stayed out. Dimly, he could hear the printer, and he stripped before he fell asleep fully dressed. The bed felt good, and he was out.

*********

“Stabler.”

“Are you coming home?”

Elliot smiled. It was Toby, and for some reason, it felt good that he cared enough to ask. “Why?”

“It’s Friday, if you hadn’t noticed, and Holly, with a lot of help from your daughter, organized about ten thirteen year olds to go to the movies.” Toby sighed. “If you don’t come home, I’m the only chaperone.”

“Shit, dawg, you’re burned!”

“You’re so lucky that Harry is looking at me,” Toby growled.

Elliot laughed and leaned back in his chair. He checked the time. “I’m about done. I’ll pick you up. The rest can ride in the limo.”

“Thank God.” Toby did sound relieved. Elliot said goodbye and clicked off. He noticed Benson was staring at him, and he raised his eyebrow.

“Got a date?”

“Uh, no.” Elliot finished up the fives quickly. “Dickie and Elizabeth want to go to the movies with some friends. I’m the chaperone.”

“A limo?”

“It’s a long story, but Holly Beecher uses a limo service.” Elliot got everything organized and filed. He’d be in tomorrow. “Is the interrogation over?”

“Well, sure.” Benson shrugged. “Just curious. Her dad’s the skel, right?”

Elliot nearly flinched from thinking of Toby like that, and then he nearly groaned from the change that had come over him. “Toby’s on my side against the kids, and I need all the help I can get.”

“Okay.” Benson stood. “I just hope he doesn’t get high around them.”

Elliot didn’t answer, but that wasn’t going to happen. He turned off his computer and went to Cragen’s office. “Captain, I’m outta here.”

“Got your fives done?”

“Yep.” Elliot smiled. “Got a date with my kids.”

“Good. Be in at noon tomorrow. You need to burn off some overtime.”

“Damn.” Elliot would have liked the money. “I’m gone.” He got his coat and got out of there. If he were eager, it was because he’d get to see his kids. When he pulled up, there were kids piling in the limo, and he left the engine running when he got out.

“Lock and load, Elliot,” Toby said, meeting him in the driveway. “Wait, you can go put your gun away.”

“We may need it. Did you fuss at Holly?”

“I yelled at her. Yes. She has to tell me a month in advance before she does this sort of thing!” Toby threw up his hands. “Even Harry invited a friend, and they’re drooling over the girls!”

“Okay, settle down. I’ll go lock up my gun.” Elliot was trying not to laugh. “Felipe driving?”

“Yes.” Toby rubbed his face. “I’m too old for this.”

Elliot went inside fast, locked up his gun, changed clothes, and trotted back outside. “Okay, send them.”

Toby went to talk to Felipe, and Elliot got in his car. Was there room in that limo for all those kids? The door opened, and Toby got inside. “I can’t believe their parents trust me with them. Me? The ex-con? Have they lost their minds?”

Elliot buckled up and pulled out into traffic. “Most of them probably don’t know. What’s the schedule?”

“Two movies and then Felipe is taking them home one by one.” Toby ran his hand through his hair. “We just need to guard the gate.”

“I should’ve kept my gun.” Elliot grinned at him. “Hey, cheer up. This is better than say, well, um-”

“Prison?” Toby glared at him.

“Wasn’t going to say that, but yeah. Let it slide, Tobias.” Elliot let the limo get a good distance in front. He’d sold the house today, and for some reason, it didn’t feel bad. He’d ensured that his kids could go to college, and that was more important than anything else. His brother had paid extra for most of the furnishings, so all he had to do was clean out the riff raff and get anything he really wanted. He could do that. Kathy had quit yelling, and his job was manageable. All in all, it had been a good week.

“I let it slide for years. Kinda feels good to get worked up about something.” Toby sniffed. “What are we going to do while they watch movies?”

“Watch a movie?” Elliot stopped at a light and teased him, “Make out in the limo?”

“The seats will be sticky. Trust me.” Toby punched him in the arm. “Not that you mean it.”

“We might get caught.” Elliot knew he had to stop talking about it. His dick was starting to take it seriously. “I have to buy some food. Breakfast was a long time ago.”

“There was some in the limo, but who knows what‛s left.” Toby suddenly laughed. “This is surreal.”

“Damn odd too, but I don’t mind.” Elliot pulled in behind the limo and counted the kids as they got out. Twelve of them, counting Harry and his friend. Dickie and Elizabeth took the time to hug him and then dashed up the stairs.

Toby just shook his head. “We’re nuts.”

“Yep.” Elliot got back in his car and parked. That done, he locked up and went to the limo. They had a clear view of the front door from it. He got in and stared. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” Toby had a towel and some spray and was wiping off the seats. Elliot eyed the amount of trash, collected it, and took it to the container in front of the movie theater. When he got back, Toby had the fridge open. “Luckily, they didn’t touch the food. They were just thirsty.”

Elliot got in, sat down, and took a look himself. He found a sandwich, some chips on the dry side, and snagged a soda. “It’s enough. I’m surprised there are any chips left.”

“All the candy bars are gone.” Toby laughed and sat back across from him, stretching out his legs. “I ate already, so don’t be shy.”

“Never.” Elliot ate his food, but kept an eye on the door. “Is Holly a popular kid?”

“I guess.” Toby shrugged. “She says she has friends and likes it. When we moved into the brownstone, she refused to return to her private school - absolutely threw a fit.”

“Holly?” Elliot had a hard time picturing it. “Why did she wait so long to complain?”

Toby got a soda from the fridge and then answered. “I think she was punishing herself.”

“You mean, you were in prison, so she had to be miserable too?” Elliot could believe it, but it made his heart ache for her.

“Exactly. Not a little bit of guilt there!” Toby took a drink. “Angus swears that she never complained.”

Elliot sighed. Kids were difficult on a good day. “You should send Felipe to the movies.” He saw Toby react to the change in topic. “It’d be nice of you.”

“Good idea.” Toby used the intercom, gave Felipe some money, and they watched him walk away. He seemed happy enough to be doing something other than sitting. “Okay, what about the next four hours?”

Elliot wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going to worry about it. He finished his food, cleaned up after himself, and relaxed back. “Never thought I’d hang out in a limo.”

“It’s dull. I’d rather drive.” Toby had said that more than once, so Elliot believed him. “Glad you like it though.”

“Like it? No. It’s like a sin. I feel guilty about it! I’m a cop. Any hint of wealth is probably a bad idea.” Elliot smiled at Toby’s expression. “If you took me to work once, IAB would start an investigation before the door was shut.”

“I’ll make a note.” Toby finished his soda and tossed the can in the trash. He licked his lips, and Elliot found himself staring. When it washed over him, it was familiar and still a mystery, but he was through arguing with his dick. It knew what it wanted. Toby shifted in his seat. “I don’t get you.”

“I don’t either.” Elliot was glad the windows were darkened because he was about ready to yank Toby over and rub up against him. “You forgive me?”

Toby frowned. “What for?”

Elliot hated to explain, but he did. “Acting like an asshole that time at Kathy’s, but also for wanting you when I shouldn’t.”

Toby took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I already forgave you for acting like a shithead, and I’m not sure about the rest of it.”

“I know it bugs you. You’re still in love with Chris, and here I am, bulging in my jeans.” Elliot made sure his hands didn’t reach and pull. “Admit that you find it annoying.”

“Elliot, Chris is gone. I miss him, but he and I, well, we were never enough or maybe we were way too much, I don’t know.” Toby rubbed his forehead. “That bulge has been a shock more than anything. At first, I thought I was hallucinating again.”

Elliot didn’t ask about the first hallucinations. “But you did love him?”

“I did, yes. I’d have forgiven him anything.” Toby glanced out the window. “I’ve never dated twins before, but I’m willing to give it a try.”

“Ugh. Put it like that and I’m staying over here.” Elliot was half-joking. He wasn’t sure it counted since he hadn’t known his brother. “Anyway, I’d hate for you to compare us.”

“I’m too busy trying not to pass out from shock.” Toby grinned. “Elliot, have you been gay before?”

“I’m not gay.” Elliot raised his eyebrow at the joke. “Not sure you are either.”

Toby smiled. “The gay lifestyle? No. But men? Yes. I’ve had my fair share. I don’t mind saying that mostly I enjoyed it.”

Elliot thought about that and skidded his hands down his thighs. He should shut up, go watch a damn movie, and forget about it. Force his dick to forget about it. It was the smart decision. Toby had engaged in sex while he was prison. He could have any number of STD’s, including HIV. Elliot took a drink of soda. When was he smart lately?

“I don’t have any diseases. I’ve been tested - twice.” Toby said that almost defiantly. He raised his chin and sniffed. “You?”

Elliot bit the inside of his lip. “I’m clean. I was tested not too long ago. Fact of my job that I come in contact with fluids occasionally.”

Toby actually winced. “Poor fuckers.”

“I think that, but I never say it that way.” Elliot put his empty can in the trash. “How was Harry’s week?”

Toby brushed his hair back. “Changing the subject, huh? Well, okay, for now. Harry has decided to live full-time with me. He moved in completely Thursday night.”

Elliot opened his mouth to congratulate him, but changed his mind and shut it. Toby smiled at him in a way that let him know it was okay, and Elliot cautiously said, “I’m happy for you.”

“I have to admit that I nearly squealed like a girl.” Toby laughed. “I know he loves Angus, but . . .”

“He’s your son.” Elliot understood that perfectly. “I thought maybe he was at a tipping point when we talked in lock up.”

Toby’s eyes narrowed, his face flushed, and a vein emerged on his forehead. “You threw my son in a cell?”

Elliot edged closer to the door. He might have to make a break for it. “Haven’t you see his report?”

“No! He’s not done!” Toby had clenched his hands together.

“Shit,” Elliot whispered. He should have kept his fat mouth shut. “Toby. Tobias. Um, I didn’t throw him. He wanted to see. The cellblock was empty!”

Toby lunged at him, and Elliot quickly made the choice not to fight back. A fist connected with his chest, and he did his best to wrap Toby tight. Toby wiggled away and slugged him again. “You fucker!”

“Toby! He needed to see it! He needed to understand a little of what you went through!” Elliot took a deep breath and caught Toby by the wrists. Slowly, he forced Toby’s arms back behind him. Toby lifted his knee, but Elliot blocked him. Chest to chest, they strained, pushed, and Toby cursed at him about a thousand times. Pissed didn’t begin to describe it. Elliot made a big push, managed to get Toby down flat on the other seat and on top to hold him down. “Settle down!”

Toby squirmed. “I am gonna kill you. Understand?”

Elliot thought he did. He made sure not to turn him loose. “Listen to me! Harry told me that he didn’t understand why you survived. When I told him it was for you and Holly, he believed. He finally believed.” He took a breath, but didn’t let go. “Toby! Harry needed to own it.”

Toby went limp. “Stupid fucker. Putting my son in a six by nine. I should shank you like I did your brother!”

Elliot slowly turned him loose and quickly sat across from him again. They were both breathing hard. Toby was damn strong. He just wasn’t strong enough. Glaring blue eyes made Elliot feel guilty, but he’d known it was the right choice, after he’d done it. “Maybe so, but it was what he needed to make up his mind.”

“Is that what all your training with traumatized children told you?” Toby sneered.

“Well, yes. Harry doesn’t remember ever visiting you in Oz. Did he?” Elliot thought he knew the answer.

“Never. He threw a fit whenever they asked him.” Toby shoved his hair back. “You’re saying that he felt guilty, and he needed to understand what I went through.”

“Yes, a little. I made sure he understood that lock up is much, much nicer than Oz. You see, Holly came to see you. She knew. She felt your pain. Harry never did.” Elliot hoped he was saying enough to get out of being shanked. “Your son didn’t really believe it. He does now.”

Toby blew out a huge breath. “That’s not necessarily a good thing!”

“No, but it’s honest and it’s real. He needed to come to grips with it so he could hold his head up when the kids at school call his dad a dirtbag convict.” Elliot watched his words hit Toby hard. When Toby said nothing else, Elliot changed the subject. “So, how are you getting him to school?”

Toby frowned. “We’re still discussing it. It’s quite a distance from the house.”

Elliot nodded. “Still gonna shank me?”

“I might. I trusted you!”

“And I did right by him. Him! Not you. You’re an adult. You can handle it.” Elliot let him have the truth. “I’m not the business of playing nice with skels.”

“No shit. You rip my guts out and smile.” Toby rubbed his face. “Just like Chris always did.”

“Maybe he thought you were tough too.” Elliot slipped out of his leather coat and tossed it to the other side of the limo. He was hot from wrestling. “I’m going to get some popcorn. Want something?”

Toby just glared. Elliot got out and took a deep breath of fresh air. He needed to get away from those angry eyes for a minute or two. He’d done the right thing, and Toby could get over it. Elliot loaded up with popcorn and candy and went back to the limo. Luckily, Toby hadn’t locked the doors to keep him out.

“All that?”

“I figured the kids would eat what we didn’t.” Elliot pointed at the TV. “Get it on.”

Toby sighed and found the remote. “I think the car has to be running.” The TV came on. “Maybe not.”

“Separate battery. Should last us a couple of hours.” Elliot started on the popcorn. “Put it on CNN.”

Toby did that and took his own tub of popcorn. “I’m still angry.”

“So?” Elliot shrugged. “I spend half of every day pissed off. Doesn’t mean anything.”

Toby huffed. “You could care about me. Wouldn’t kill you.”

Elliot felt a big stupid grin spread out on his face. “So, you care about me, just a little?”

“Not very damn much.” Toby might have meant that. Who could tell? He rubbed his wrist. “I think I have a bruise.”

Elliot lifted his shirt and looked. “Well, I do too.”

Toby glanced over. “I assaulted a police officer. Felt damn good too.”

“You don’t hit very hard. Sure, you’re strong, but you lack the weight to put behind it.” Elliot laughed as a handful of popcorn rained down over him. “Think how happy you’d make Sandy if you ate occasionally.”

“I lost my appetite in Oz. Haven’t gotten it back yet.” Toby shrugged. “Next time, I’ll aim for your face. That’ll make up the lack of weight.”

“It might. Yeah.” Elliot hoped there wasn’t a next time. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“No.” Toby was pretending to watch TV.

Elliot laughed. “Did you go out with my wife?”

“What the fuck?” Toby gaped at him. “Are you nuts? You’d kill me!”

“You’re both adults. I’d have gotten over it, eventually.” Elliot ate some popcorn before finishing, “She said she might ask you out.”

Toby just shook his head. “That’s borderline gross, as Harry would say.”

“Hey, you dated my brother, what’s my wife?”

“I didn’t date him!” Toby seemed like he might start hitting again. “I loved him. We shared something in a very bad place. Oz won though. It beat him down too far.”

Elliot thought about it. “And he couldn’t face it without you.”

“I guess not.” Toby shut off the TV. “If you want to blame me, go right ahead.”

“Nah, I figure you do enough of that without my help.” Elliot didn’t care about the TV. Toby was more interesting than the news. “Was he a good kisser?”

Toby stuffed his mouth full of popcorn and mumbled something. Elliot laughed. He wasn’t getting an answer to that, but he knew it already. Toby put his popcorn down and fumbled past Elliot to get another soda out of the fridge. Elliot used the distraction to adjust his dick in his jeans. He was hard again. Hell, he was nothing but hard.

“I saw that.”

“Yeah. Well, no big surprise.” Elliot blushed when Toby laughed. “Okay, it is a big surprise.”

“Too late. I guess identical twins aren’t always identical.” Toby smirked. “You got the short end of the stick.”

Elliot had heard worse insults. He smiled. “How would you know?”

“I stripped you and put you to bed when you were drunk. Wow, shrinky dink.” Toby was really pushing his luck.

“I was drunk!” Elliot was glad he didn’t remember it. “I thought maybe Harry had security cameras posted in my room.”

“I should check on that. I wouldn’t put it past him.” Toby seemed serious now. “When are you going to clean out your house?”

“Next weekend. Oh, and um, shit, Harry wants to come help.” Elliot rubbed his forehead. He should have mentioned that a few days ago.

“I’ve shanked men for stealing my towel. What do you think I’ll do to you for stealing my boy?”

Elliot finished his popcorn, wiped his hands on a napkin, and refused to laugh at the threat. He stuffed the candy bars he’d bought in the fridge and grabbed another soda. “Oh, did you want an answer?”

“Asshole. So, I never shanked anyone for that.” Toby looked out the window. “We can all help. Someone has to save you from Kathy.”

“My hero,” Elliot said sarcastically. He changed the subject again. They were alone. “A couple of times, I tried to picture you in bed with Chris, but I can’t seem to do it.”

Toby’s mouth fell open. “You are all over the map tonight! Good! Don’t think about it!”

“You see - he’s always me, and that’s when I get thrown out.” Elliot didn’t quite understand why his brain did that.

“Elliot, if you don’t stop, you’re going to be gay by Christmas,” Toby growled.

Elliot tried hard not to laugh, but he did anyway. “Well then, maybe I’ll be good at decorating for a change.”

Toby tried to frown, but burst out laughing. Some soda dribbled out on the seat, and Elliot grabbed the towel to wipe it up. Toby put the can down and reached for him. Elliot knew instantly that he was in no danger of being punched. Kissed, yes. He casually hit the door locks and let it happen. Expecting it to end after one or two, he was surprised when Toby pulled away just enough to whisper against his lips, “He was a better kisser than you.”

Elliot felt as if he was being backed into a corner, but he didn’t go. “So? Kathy was better than you. No stubble.”

Toby kissed him again. Elliot didn’t mind. It was different, but not bad, and he wanted to do it again. Some part of him had needed it since that first night they’d chaperoned a dance together. Toby slid his hands under Elliot’s shirt and found some skin to caress. “For a cop, you’re amazingly tolerant.”

Elliot shrugged and tried not to shove against him. “I’ve never had a problem with any kind of sex. It’s pervs that piss me off.”

“That must be why you work sex crimes.” Toby turned him loose and moved away, but not much. “I have to stop or I’m going to pull you down.”

“That would be wrong.” Elliot tried to sound convincing. “Did you think I was a gay basher?”

“Most cops are. Except the gay ones.” Toby licked his lips and picked up his soda again. “CO’s too. Man, they hate faggots.”

Elliot had a feeling that he wasn’t getting anymore tonight unless he made a move. No matter what Toby said, prison had thoroughly stomped on him for loving Chris, and that sort of thing was hard to forget. “Toby, any men since Chris?”

“Of course!” Toby was a good liar. Elliot had to hand it to him. Well, shit. He checked his cell phone for the time. Two more hours until they were free to go. Toby said, “We should go inside and make sure our kids still know we’re here.”

“Good idea.” Elliot agreed they needed to get out of the limo. It was time to step away. He unlocked the doors and got out. He waited for Toby and they went in together. Sure enough, the kids were coming out and queuing up for another movie.

Dickie and Holly came over to them. “We thought you guys had bailed on us!”

“No such luck,” Elliot said. He put his arm around Dickie’s shoulder and whispered, “Keep it zipped or I’ll ground you for a year.”

Dickie looked up at him and swallowed hard. “Well, okay.”

“Glad we understand each other.” Elliot smiled. Harry and his friend came pounding up, and they were talking a mile a minute.

Toby laughed with them, and Elliot heard him promise to go to the next movie. Elliot caught Elizabeth’s eye. She was whispering with a girlfriend. Hopefully, everyone was behaving. Felipe came out also, and Toby got with him. Elliot wasn’t surprised to see Felipe go out to the limo. Well, that was over, whatever it had been. He might as well see a movie, but he wasn’t sitting by Toby. They might accidentally hold hands or something.

“Elliot, are you going with us to see King Kong?” Harry asked intently.

“Sure.” Elliot got out some money. “Wait, is your dad buying?”

“I think so.” Harry laughed.

Toby just shook his head, but in the end, he bought four tickets. Elliot smiled.

********

Elliot put on some sweats before going out to get coffee. It was Saturday morning, and he fully intended on lazing around until he went to work. Doing nothing sounded pretty damn good. Next weekend would be crazy, so he was going to enjoy this half-day and tomorrow.

“A shirt?”

“Hey, Toby.” Elliot found the cream. He should lay off it, but he was hooked. “Where’re the rugrats?”

Toby leaned against the peninsula. “They went with Angus for the day.”

Elliot thought about that while he blew on his coffee. “Why didn’t you?”

“I needed a break from all the people.” Toby shrugged. “Believe me?”

“Actually, yes, but I was beginning to think that you and your brother don’t get along.” Elliot took a sip and smiled. He put it down and stretched.

Toby didn’t answer immediately. “We do okay.”

“He’s still waiting for you to screw up again, isn’t he? And you can’t handle it.” Elliot saw the truth flash across Toby’s face like a neon sign. “I was thinking the other day. There’s a time lapse that’s bugging me. The school year has been going for about three months. You’ve been out about a year, give or take.”

“And?” Toby didn’t look happy.

“Why did it take you eight months to move in here?” Elliot liked puzzles, but he didn’t like big holes in Toby‛s story.

Toby paced back and forth, rubbing his hand through his hair. “After I was released, I lived with Angus.”

“I bet that got old fast. You lasted eight months? I’m impressed!” Elliot was. If he had to live with any of his brothers, he’d move out within a week.

Toby groaned. “Harry didn’t even know me, and I knew if I left, I’d be going alone.” He threw up his hands. “Finally, I just couldn’t take the silent accusations any longer, and I told Angus I was leaving. His house just wasn’t big enough.”

“Really?” Elliot drank his coffee.

“I slept on the floor in Holly and Harry’s room. It was that or the couch and his wife always glaring at me.” Toby shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong. After Oz, it was fine.”

Elliot nodded. “Were Holly and Harry upset?”

Toby sat down suddenly next to him. “Holly was packed before I was, and you know Harry’s story.”

Elliot put his arm around him. “You made the right decision. Angus will come around.”

“I keep telling myself that.” Toby moved away. He didn’t look happy to be discussing this.

Elliot smiled. “Hey, before you find a shank, I’m going to go back there.”

Toby said nothing, and Elliot went back to his bedroom, but he left the hallway door open. Toby might want to yell at him. Elliot put his back to the headboard, relaxed, and drank his coffee. There was plenty of shit he could be worrying about, but he was going to let it slide. It was his new philosophy in life. If he couldn’t change it, he wasn’t going to kill himself over it. Why waste a bullet?

“Are you going to work?” Toby asked from the doorway.

“Around noon, yes.” Elliot nodded. “Too much OT.”

“They’d hate to have to pay you.” Toby rolled his eyes. He looked away and then back. “Would you like to come upstairs and get the tour?”

Elliot considered it. “No thanks. I’d just be jealous that your office and bathroom are attached. No pesky little hallway that means I have to wear pants.”

“I can see it really annoys you,” Toby drawled. “Fine. Hey, and there have been other guys.”

“Whatever.” Elliot drank some coffee. He didn’t believe that for one second. “I need a TV back here.”

Toby walked over to the bed, reached in the drawer of the night stand, and pulled out a remote. He hit power. Elliot could only grin when a flat screen came out of the ceiling towards the end of the bed. Toby tossed the remote on the bed. “Better?”

“Damn. I am in the lap of luxury. Please don’t tell the rat squad.” Elliot laughed.

Toby threw up his hands. “You’re slightly crazy today. I’m going.”

Elliot put his coffee down fast and moved even faster. He caught him by the back of the neck, curled his fingers into long hair, and whispered, “My dick hurts.”

“Not my fault,” Toby said firmly.

“Uh, yeah, it is.” Elliot didn’t hold him tight. That would be a mistake. “Your choice. Run away or stick around.”

Toby turned and pushed Elliot’s arm away. “Don’t act all sexy. You don’t do it well.”

Elliot blinked. “I’m doing that?”

“Well, yeah, sorta.” Toby put his hands on his hips. “So, stop.”

Elliot went back to his coffee. “Guess I’m out of practice. Haven’t fooled around in, well, a damn long time.”

“You used to be good at it?”

Elliot didn‛t think so. He took a long drink and scratched his stomach. “Hell, I doubt it. Well, go on.”

“You’re not going to chase me down?”

Elliot made a rude noise. “Sounds like paperwork.” He concentrated on his coffee and watched TV. Toby did walk out. It took him a while, but he went, and Elliot sighed. His dick throbbed, and he muttered, “Give up! Just give up. He ain’t interested.”

Elliot’s dick didn’t answer. Elliot reminded himself that he hadn’t moved in here to get laid. He hadn’t. All he’d wanted was something a little less lonely, and this filled the bill nicely. No complaints. Not ever. The morning slid away, and he made a sandwich in the kitchen for lunch. It was about time to go.

“What time do you get off work?”

Elliot was finally used to Toby entering the room by asking a question. The first couple of times, it had been a shock. “I usually leave at five on Saturday. Why?”

“Want to meet somewhere for dinner?” Toby sat on a barstool. “Kids won’t be home until around ten.”

Elliot nodded. Food sounded good. “Just don’t pick me up in the limo. I’ll meet you there.”

“I said meet.” Toby sighed loud enough to be a complaint. “Wait. Don’t you usually get your kids tonight?”

“Kathy called and said to forget it. Her mom is taking them out.” Elliot shrugged. He didn’t like, but bitching about it would get him less time, not more.

“I thought the court awarded you visitation on the weekends?” Toby looked surprised.

“They did. Toby, if I pitch a fit, she’ll find a way to make the me suffer. Trust me. She’s a woman.” Elliot took a bite and sat down to eat. When he finished, Toby was staring at him. “What?”

“You’re not the same man that I met at the school dance.” Toby cocked his head to the side. “I don’t quite understand.”

“Yeah, well, I learned to chill. I can only do so much. Anyway, Maureen called and her and Kathleen are coming over tomorrow. So, it evens out. That okay?” Elliot hoped so. “They want to see where I live.”

“Of course it‛s okay. Maybe they’ll think I’m cute.”

“They’ll think you’re old.” Elliot smiled sweetly. “So dinner and dancing sounds divine.”

Toby blushed and laughed. “I should make you.”

Elliot made sure he had his keys, grabbed his coat, kissed Toby on the back of the neck, and went out to the garage. If he could hear Toby cursing, he ignored it. His old car stared back at him, and he reviewed his budget in his head. Even with the seven hundred dollars and child support, he had enough for a car payment. Some months might be a little lean, but he’d eat less hot dogs on the corner. He’d have to be careful and get something ugly or the rat squad would come knocking. They were always looking to jam him up. Before he knew it, he was at work. Between doing paperwork and running a quick canvas, the day passed quickly.

“Elliot!”

Elliot turned his chair. “Let me guess - your office?”

Cragen made a sharp motion. “Now.”

Elliot grabbed his straw to chew and went. He sat down and waited to get yelled at about something. His middle name should be screw-up.

Cragen sat down behind his desk and frowned. “I got a call from a friend in IAB.”

“You have friends in IAB?” Elliot flipped the straw. “Shit.”

“They have you red-flagged. Seems a large sum of money just dumped itself into your bank account. Care to explain?” Cragen wasn’t joking.

“Sold my house.” Elliot hated this part of being a cop. Well, the son of a dirty cop. That was the real problem. They’d always watch him. “I did tell you. My brother bought it. Paid cash.”

“Did you ask him where he got the cash?”

Elliot sighed. “He’s an investment banker. I figured he saved it.”

“I hope so, for your sake.” Cragen frowned at him. “Be careful what you spend it on. Pulling up in a corvette is a bad idea.”

Elliot nodded. No new car for him, not this year. “I’m going to put it in a trust fund for the kid’s college expenses. Think IAB will mind?”

“Get a lawyer. Keep it above board.” Cragen shrugged. “Sorry, but once they get up your ass, it’s hard to get them out.”

Elliot had lived with that reality for years. “Anything else?”

“You’re taking this calmly. I expected you to throw that chair through the window.”

Elliot stood and sucked his straw. “I’m letting it slide.” He checked the time. “Am I out of here?”

“Yes. I’ll see you Monday.” Cragen got up, came around, and smiled. “Hang in there. Things will get better.”

“Captain, there ain’t no going back to the good old days.” Elliot smiled to put him at ease. “But I’m fine.”

“No booze. Right?”

Elliot nodded, pulled open the door, and walked away before his new sliding away policy threw a chair out the window. He’d gotten drunk. Geez, you’d think he’d assaulted someone. He put away two files, turned off his computer, and nearly jumped when he spotted Toby over by the lockers. Toby was leaning there, watching. He didn’t smile, wave, or walk over. He did raise his eyebrows. Elliot made sure he had everything.

“Elliot, who’s that?”

Elliot took his captain to meet him. “Captain Cragen, meet Tobias Beecher - Harry’s dad.”

Cragen smiled and extended his hand. “You got a great kid. I bet you’re proud.”

“Yes. I am.” Toby shook the captain’s hand. Elliot made sure his locker was secure and got his jacket. Toby said, “Ready to go, Elliot?”

“Yes.” Elliot smiled, but it was forced. He felt as if he had to explain, and he didn’t like it. “Toby is setting up the trust fund for me. We’re having a business meeting.”

Cragen nodded. “Dot your T’s and cross your I’s. Elliot’s job may depend on it. And no new cars.”

“Tough gig around here. Wouldn’t working security be more fun?”

Elliot nearly laughed at the look that came over Cragen’s face. “I like it fine here, even though they’d love it if I had to bunk at the homeless shelter.”

“For some reason, I believe you,” Toby said. “We have reservations. Let’s go.”

Cragen stepped closer. “Elliot is a valued member of my squad.”

“Really? Then why did I pick him out of the gutter instead of you?” Toby wasn’t pulling any punches tonight. “And have you seen his car? He sells his house and you act as if he robbed a bank? Give me a break.”

Elliot moved in between them. “Toby, I’m going to give you a broken arm if we don’t leave now.”

“Nothing new there.” Toby smiled. “Nice to meet you, Captain.”

“I’ll see you Monday, Elliot. I’ll call IAB.” Cragen went off, but he didn’t look happy.

Elliot wanted to kick Toby in the ass. “You’re making it worse. Not better. And for God’s sake, tell me the limo isn’t waiting.”

“I took a cab. I wanted to see this place.” Toby looked around. “You sure you can’t do better?”

Elliot started walking. He knew Toby would follow. “I might have to, if you don’t keep it shut!”

Toby shrugged. “Damn cops.”

“Hey, that’s me!” Elliot pushed open the door to the parking lot. “But, I see your point. A new car would have been nice.”

“I could buy one and let you use it, but I bet they’d notice.” Toby shook his head. “You have to protect and serve and be poor. What a great system.”

“My choice.” Elliot got in and buckled up. He waited until Toby was settled. “Where to?”

Toby gave directions, and Elliot followed them. They weren’t going anywhere too fancy, not dressed like this, but any food would be welcome. Elliot nearly wrecked the car when Toby leaned over and yanked the straw out of Elliot‛s mouth. “Hey!”

“Making me nuts,” Toby muttered.

Elliot grinned. He made sure to keep the car on the road the rest of the way, and they didn’t do more than glance at each other when the other wasn’t looking until they were sitting with coffee.

“Do they always give you a hard time about money?” Toby asked softly.

Elliot nearly deflected the question, but he decided that Toby, of all people, might understand. “My dad was kicked off the force. They thought he was dirty. Like father, like son.”

Toby seemed shocked. “That’s not exactly fair.”

“Well, yeah, but he wouldn’t testify against his buddies, so they fired him, took his pension, and made sure everyone knew he was a rat or dirty or both.” Elliot took a sip. “IAB has been up my ass since day one. I might have taken this job for the money, but I don’t stay for the money.”

“I would guess not.” Toby leaned across the table. “Was he dirty?”

Elliot shrugged. He had his opinion, but it wasn’t worth anything. “Not like Dad ever confessed to me.”

“Is Cragen on your side?” Toby looked right at him.

“He knows I’m honest, but he’s caught. No new car, not for at least a year, and Toby, wipe that look off your face. I don’t care. All that matters is protecting that money so the kids can go to college, if they want. Dickie may pick the Marines. No night school for them.”

“We’ll take care of it.” Toby nodded. “As long as they don’t get into Harvard, they’ll be fine.”

Elliot raised his eyebrow. “We really are from two different worlds.”

“Yes. I’m a ex-con, and you’re a cop.”

“No, you’re wealthy and I’m middle class, on a good day.” Elliot looked over the menu. He was hungry, and he didn’t want to talk about it any longer.

Toby reached across the table and touched him on the hand. Sparks went off in Elliot’s groin, and he groaned softly before he looked up to meet blue eyes. Toby frowned. “Does it matter?”

“No.” Elliot didn’t care. They had come from different places, but they had ended up in the same restaurant. “Hey, are you buying or me?”

“I owe you. You took Harry out.” Toby smiled a little.

“I better just stick with the coffee.” Elliot laughed. The waiter came and took their order. Elliot got what he wanted and didn’t worry about it. Toby didn’t look distressed so it must have been okay. If anything, he looked slightly amused. Elliot lowered his voice. “Since you’re buying, do I have to put out?”

Toby sputtered in his coffee. Elliot laughed. It was all in the timing. Toby wiped his mouth, coughed, and glared. “I’ll let you know later.”

“Weak.” Elliot laughed. He was amazed how relaxed he felt. His new policy of not giving much of a shit was working out pretty well. Toby managed a chuckle. The rest of the meal they talked money and kids. Elliot was willing to admit that he felt better tonight than he had a very long time. They finished with more coffee, and Toby checked the time. Elliot agreed. It was time to go. Toby settled the bill, and Elliot drove them home. Home. He pulled in the garage and wondered at that. Was he home? Maybe, but he shouldn’t get comfortable.

Toby shut the garage door. “Did you know there’s a back entrance?”

“I figured it, but I haven’t bumped into it yet.” Elliot got out, locked the car, and stretched.

Toby nodded. “We’ll go in that way and I’ll show you.”

Elliot shrugged and followed. The back door abutted a small breezeway that led to the kitchen. “My own private entrance. Now I feel special.”

“Your key works on this lock.” Toby flipped on a few lights. “Be sure not to trip the alarm.”

“Got it.” Elliot stopped. “What alarm?”

Toby laughed. “Just messing with you. I should probably install one.”

“Have Harry do it.” Elliot glanced at the clock - eight o’clock. He was tempted to ask what Toby’s plan was for the rest of the evening, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

Toby suddenly took him by the hand. “Upstairs?”

Elliot swallowed hard. “Not a good idea. I don’t want to have to picture you up there.”

“I still don’t understand why you seem to like me.” Toby didn’t let go. “I almost feel as if I’ve been hit by lightning - twice.”

Elliot looked down at the hand in his and up to Toby’s face. “I’m not good with words, but you feel that?” He held their hands up. “Feel it?”

“Yes,” Toby whispered.

“It’s a first for me. I don’t want to turn it loose before I figure it out.” Elliot felt like an idiot, telling the truth so baldly. “I did notice that you’re not exactly arguing about it.”

“No. I’m just waiting to see if you walk out before I commit myself.” Toby gently released him. “I can’t lose you again.”

Elliot had known that part of this was about Chris. It was one of the things that held him back from saying dangerous words that he could never take back. They both looked when the doorbell rang. Toby went to get it. Elliot rubbed his face and went as far as the kitchen door so he could say hello to Holly and Harry.

“No, you may not come in. Not without a warrant.”

Elliot snapped to attention. He took a step, but Toby put out his hand in a clear motion of stop.

“My tenant lives in the back with his own entrance. Knock there. If he admits you, I can’t do a damn thing about it.” Toby was practically snarling. “Otherwise, don’t come back without some paperwork.”

Elliot made sure he was out of sight. Toby shut the door hard. Elliot looked the question.

“Sgt. Tucker. If you’re going to let him in, close that pocket door. Your apartment is your business. Nowhere else.” Toby’s eyes glinted and his fists were clenched. “Got it?”

“It’s perfectly clear. Yes.” Elliot had never seen this side of Toby - Tobias - and it was a little alarming. Maybe Toby did hate cops. Of course, even dogs hated Tucker. Elliot went back to the kitchen, pulled the pocket door firmly shut, and made sure the door to the basement was closed. The instant he turned, he heard the knock on the back door. More of a pounding really, and he reluctantly went to answer it. He had a bad feeling about this.

“Detective Stabler.”

Elliot sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. “Hey, Sgt. Tucker. Drown any puppies lately?”

“Let me in. We have to talk.” Tucker glowered and did his best to look like a bad ass.

“Not without my rep, a lawyer, and two warrants.” Elliot went ahead and gave him a false smile. He wasn’t intimidated in the least.

“Two?”

“Mr. Beecher would want one also.” Elliot yawned and scratched his hair - anything to annoy Tucker.

“Since I like you, I’m going to lay it all out. The money, this house, and a restaurant that you can’t afford on your salary, not even once a year. What will I find in the garage?” Tucker loved to mix sarcasm with the facts.

“My car, but that would take another warrant.” Elliot wanted nothing more than to slam the door. “Anything else?”

“Drunk and disorderly, solicitation, and living with a ex-convict. Is he your sugar daddy? Running drugs together?” Tucker smiled. “I’ve prayed for this day for years.”

Elliot just looked at him. Yelling would make him look guilty. Guiltier. “No warrant?”

“No. I had hoped you’d come clean, like your old man didn’t.” Tucker’s smirk was a mile wide. “I am really going to enjoy this.”

Elliot had to face the fact that he could lose his job for nothing, but it had been a long time coming. There was no pleasing some people. “If you want to speak to me again, see my rep.”

“Expect it.” Tucker swaggered off. Elliot went out as far as the sidewalk to make sure the slimeball actually drove away. Instead of going back inside, he sat on the steps and tried not to sigh heavily. Every decision he’d made had been what he wanted, so he’d live with the consequences. Toby was right. Working security couldn’t be any worse, and he could always bunk on Robert’s couch, which used to be his. Elliot went ahead and sighed. He was such a loser.

“You okay?” Toby came out and sat down next to him.

Elliot nodded. “Sure. What are they gonna do besides fire me and take my pension?”

“Good point. What else can they do?”

“Put me in prison.” Elliot shrugged. “Too bad Chris is dead. We could have bunked together.”

Toby was silent.

Elliot wondered how much he was like Chris. Was violence part of their genetic makeup? Hadn’t Huang argued that once or twice? Elliot wasn’t sure, but he was starting to believe. There was no good twin. He was as bad as his brother. He’d contained it longer, but in the end, he’d be in the same confined space.

“Move out.”

“Too late.” Elliot shook his head. “Wait. Unless you want me out, and then I’ll go pack.”

Toby sighed now. “I should have been stronger. I always get the people I love into fucked up situations.”

Each word hit Elliot right between the eyes. He felt the air escape his body, and it didn’t come back. There was nothing to say to that. Nothing he could come up with at least. Except. “Not your fault. I made the decisions that led to this place. I’ve done nothing wrong, and I refuse to apologize for finally having two nickels to rub together.”

Toby gave him a long look. “How did you pay off your house?”

“It was my mom’s. When she died, I inherited it. Everyone in the family was furious, but the will was ironclad. I paid the taxes on it.” Elliot had made sure never to hint that he liked the house at family dinners.

“Guilt. It’s interesting, isn’t it?” Toby leaned back against his hands. The neighborhood was quiet except for some dog yapping, and lights shown on every house. It was a cool evening, but not cold, and all Elliot could see and feel was his closeness to Toby. Toby waved to the lady with the dog. “They’re just rattling your cage. Pay your rent tonight and I’ll make up a receipt.”

Elliot was reluctant to give them that much, but it’d be stupid to push his luck. “Seven hundred isn’t enough, and you know it.”

“Actually, I don’t. We could look on the internet. I’ve been busy with prison.”

“I didn’t let him in your house.”

“Thanks.” Toby shivered. “Computer?”

“Yeah.” Elliot got up and extended his hand. Toby took it, and they went in together.

*********

“Nice place, Dad.” Maureen smiled and hugged him. Kathleen got the other side.

“It’s not mine.” Elliot stole kisses from both of them. “You two doing okay?”

“Sure.”

“You bet.”

“Well, come on. I’ll show you where I live.” Elliot shut the front door. “Have you two met Toby?”

“Tobias? Um, yeah. Seen him once or twice when he was picking up Holly.” Maureen laughed. “Hard to believe you like him.”

Toby came out of the kitchen. “He doesn’t. Hey, ladies.”

Elliot watched his girls giggle and laugh with Toby. Toby turned on the charm, and Elliot wanted to kick him in the ass. “You two have lunch?”

“Of course not.” Kathleen rolled her eyes.

“Let’s go raid the fridge then.” Elliot dragged them away from Toby and into the kitchen.

“Think Mom will ever let you come for Sunday dinner again?”

“I hope so,” Elliot said. It might be a month or so. She was still pretty hot. They had a nice lunch of Sandy’s leftovers. Toby, Holly, and Harry joined in about halfway through, and they all sat together at the table. Elliot found himself laughing and smiling instead of feeling terrible about himself. It couldn’t last, but he’d enjoy today.

********

“Elliot?” There was also a knock.

Elliot got up from his office chair and went down the hallway to open the door. “What?”

“Here’s the receipt for your rent.” Toby handed it over. “You okay?”

“Sure. No problemo.” Elliot didn’t look at it. “You can come on back.” He took the receipt to his office, made a copy with the scanner, and put it away safely. He’d need it tomorrow to give to his rep.

Toby sat down. “Kids are asleep.”

“Good.” Elliot furrowed his brow. “How are you getting Harry to school tomorrow?”

“I’ll take him in the limo. Sandy will have to make sure Holly gets on the bus.” Toby spread his hands. “Unless you have a brilliant suggestion.”

“Where’s the school at?” Elliot listened and used Google to see exactly where the school was. “That’s only five minutes out of my way. Let me take him.”

“School starts at eight-thirty.” Toby frowned. “What if you’re called in early?”

“Take him in the limo, but it seems silly for us both to go the same direction.” Elliot lifted his eyebrows. “But, do what you want.”

“I bet Kathy hated that.” Toby laughed softly. “That only leaves getting him home. Well, we’ll manage it.”

“I bet most kids live there.”

“Some do.” Toby leaned back and shut his eyes. “I like all of your kids - the entire herd.”

“Hey, four isn’t that many!” Elliot laughed. “One of my brothers has six.”

“Robert?”

“Uh, no.”

“Is he gay?”

Elliot had never asked, and he didn’t want to know. “Who cares? I have one week to get out everything I want.”

“Better get busy.” Toby smiled. “Sgt. Tucker’s a fucker.”

“Yes.” Elliot couldn’t disagree with that, and it even rhymed. “Are we going to bed soon?”

Toby’s eyes popped open, and he jerked up. “Well, uh.”

“Shit, Toby, you are so much fun to tease.” Elliot turned off the computer and got to his feet. “I’m going to my bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Toby managed to step directly in the way. Elliot stopped when they were staring into each other’s eyes. Toby put his hands on Elliot’s hips. “One kiss?”

Elliot took it. He didn’t hesitate. He wanted to feel it, wanted to taste it, and his entire body tingled from the joy of it. “Enough?”

Toby crossed his eyes. “Okay. You’re a good kisser.”

“I’m getting warmed up, yeah. It was the stubble that threw me off the first couple of times.” Elliot wrapped his arms around him because it felt good. “I know you’re not ready.”

“How do you know that?”

“You tremble when I touch you.” Elliot kissed him gently. “Go to bed. I’ll take Harry to school in the morning.”

“What if you don’t come home for three days?”

“You better take him to school.” Elliot didn’t want to turn him loose. “I need a cold shower.”

“I think I do too.” Toby sighed and rested his head on Elliot’s shoulder. “If you need a lawyer, call me right away.”

Elliot thought about it. “You’ll send your brother?”

“Right, and I’ll come too.” Toby didn’t seem inclined to move. Elliot gently rubbed Toby’s back. Toby groaned softly. “I really didn’t see you as the type to fall in bed with a man.”

“You didn’t see me at all.” Elliot had always known that he could be persuaded, but he’d gotten married, and that had been the end of it. “Go to bed.”

“I’m going, and you’re right.” Toby eased away. “If we were in Oz, I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“But nothing’s easy out here.” Elliot had a sudden thought, and he said it before he changed his mind. “If I go to prison, keep an eye on my kids, will ya?”

“That isn’t going to happen.” Toby shook his head. “Not. Going. There.”

Elliot bit the inside of his lip and nodded. He thought Toby was being overly optimistic, but it could wait. “Good night, Tobias.”

“Good night, El.” Toby went down the short hallway and shut the door. Elliot looked down at his tented jeans and decided on a shower. He rubbed the knotted muscles in his neck and enjoyed the water. Let it slide, he told himself again. Just, don’t worry. He nearly laughed. That was easier said than done. The kids were fine. Kathy was fine. The money was safe, and whatever happened to him would happen. He had to stay calm. His dick hadn’t gone down, and he shut his eyes and let his hand help him out. It wasn’t enough, but it was something.

*******

Elliot drank his coffee and watched his rep and Sgt. Tucker fight it out. Cragen was in the room also, but he hadn’t said anything yet.

“He’s bunking with an ex-con!”

“He’s renting an apartment. So his landlord was in prison? Mine probably was too. He’s paying full market value on it.” The rep handed over the receipt. “Sgt. Tucker, I think you’re making a fuss out of nothing.”

“And the restaurant?”

“Ridiculous.” The rep snorted. “It was a business meeting to discuss the children’s trust funds. You simply can not prosecute Detective Stabler for having the misfortune to inherit property in Queens!”

Elliot thought that Tucker probably could. Cragen finally spoke up. “Detective Stabler has been completely honest about his financial dealings at all times.”

Tucker put his hands on his hips. “Appearances are everything.”

Elliot watched them all turn to look at him. “I don’t think anyone gives a shit but you, Tucker.”

“We may file charges.” Tucker smiled. “Get a lawyer.” He slammed the door behind him.

“That went well,” Elliot said. He swirled his coffee. “Want my badge, Captain?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Cragen finally sat down. “You have to live somewhere. That homeless shelter joke wasn’t much of one!”

“It’d make Tucker happy.” Elliot focused on his rep. “Thanks for going to bat for me.”

“My job, but this is stupid.” The rep rubbed his forehead. “I gotta get to my real job.” He grabbed his coat and was out the door.

Elliot assumed he’d be back on ass duty. “I guess I could take some time off.”

“It’ll make you look guilty.”

“Hell, Captain, I already look guilty!” Elliot took his hand off the cup before he threw it. He breathed in hard through his nose. Calm. He had to stay calm. “Some days, I hate this damn job.”

Cragen nodded. “We all do. You have the money to quit.”

“It’s not that much. No matter what Tucker says.” Elliot wasn’t going to touch it anyway. The money was for his kids. His mom would want that. “I’m going to my desk, unless you have a problem with that.”

“No.” Cragen stood and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t forget that Huang is available.”

Elliot got to his feet and walked away before he growled something obscene about shrinks. He went to the locker room and washed his face.

“How jammed up are you?”

Elliot wiped off his face. “Jammed.” He smiled at his partner. “Tucker wants my ass and then my badge.”

“Ugh.” Olivia sat down on the bench. “All you did was sell your house. He can’t mess with you for that.”

“I think he can. The bigger problem is where I live.” Elliot knew it. “Queens is fine, but Manhattan? In a brownstone? Stablers are supposed to stay middle class.”

“Someone over in IAB must be reasonable.” Olivia shook her head. “I don’t think you ever did tell me who your landlord was.”

“Harry’s dad. Tobias Beecher.”

Olivia’s mouth fell open slightly. “The guy who just got of Oz? The addict?”

Elliot smoothed his hands through his hair and turned away from the mirror. “Yes. I got to know him because his daughter is dating Dickie. He offered. I took it. It was better than nothing!”

“Much better.” Olivia shrugged. “They’ll never back off now.”

“That’s what I’m thinking.” Elliot had no idea what to do about it. Quit? Move out?

“Even if you moved out, they’d still be after it.”

“I know!” Elliot whirled and slammed his fist into the locker. He leaned and breathed hard. “I always seem to fuck it up. I just wanted some place that wasn’t empty. God damn, I’m a fool.”

Olivia moved closer but didn’t touch him. “This may blow over.”

Elliot nodded, but he wasn’t going to lie with words. He straightened up and fixed his tie. “How about we try to solve a case or two?”

“I think we have a few open ones.” Olivia smiled. Elliot went with her to the squad room. He ignored the looks and got to work. Let it slide. Let it slide.

********

Elliot parked the car in the garage and leaned his head into the steering wheel instead of banging it. Sure, it had been a crappy day, but it was over. He shut the garage door and caught sight of a sedan pulling up. Well, fine. They could arrest him here and that way his car would stay out of the impound. He walked to the front of the house and waited.

Tucker did not look happy. No, he didn’t. “Stabler, one of these days I’m going to get that gold badge!”

“But not today?” Elliot brushed his coat back and put his hands on his hips.

“I was officially told to back off!” Tucker spat on the sidewalk. “How the hell did you manage it?”

“This is a nice neighborhood. A man could get arrested for screaming on the sidewalk,” Elliot said mildly. “Have you been drinking?”

“Fuck you! You’re the damn drunk!” Tucker’s face was an unhealthy color. “Come on. Let’s settle this!”

“I hate macho shit.” Elliot backed up a step. He wasn’t going to do this, not here. “Go home. Leave me alone.” He got as far as the front door before Tucker’s hand dropped on his shoulder and dug in with real force.

“Why don’t you use your private entrance?” Tucker snarled and wrenched him around. “You lied! You’re dirty! Just like your dad!”

Elliot managed to shove the hand away. “There are children in this house. Go home!” He took another step back and felt the door against his shoulders.

Tucker smirked and boxed him in. Elliot knew the plan instantly. That smirk said it all. They’d have a fight, and he’d be arrested. Not Tucker. No one at the precinct would believe that Elliot hadn’t thrown the first punch. After all, he had a history of it. The door moved behind him. He reached for the knob to keep it shut. Tucker shoved him, Elliot‛s heel hit the tiny step up, and he lost his balance just enough. Tucker’s fist drove him through it and down. Elliot blinked up at Harry.

Harry knelt down, practically covering him, and Elliot forced his spinning head up. Protecting Harry was the only thing that mattered.

“Come on, Stabler! Fight!” Tucker looked deranged, and he must have been to take the fight inside the house.

Elliot tried to untangle Harry, shield him, and get up at the same time.

“Motherfuck!” Toby came barreling down the stairs. Elliot put Harry behind him. Toby would get there, if only Tucker would settle down. Tucker took another step at the same time that Toby scooped up Harry. Elliot pushed them both towards the kitchen and a measure of safety. He wiped his mouth and tried to block Tucker’s route to them. Tucker’s fist caught him, and Elliot hit the carpet again. Some calm part of his mind told him that getting his ass kicked wasn’t much fun.

“Elliot!”

Elliot’s eyes flashed from Harry to Tucker right as he went for his gun. Elliot didn’t hesitate. He got to his knees and went for his gun, but he knew he was out of time.

“Police! Put your hands up!”

A uniformed cop shoved Tucker against the wall, and Elliot stayed down on his knees. He put his hands up and waited to be arrested. Someone, thank God, had called the police. He looked towards the kitchen and saw Harry’s frightened face. Toby shut the pocket door, and Elliot was glad. Sirens wailed, more cops arrived, and he could only shake his head in wonderment. Money made things happen. Tucker was yelling, but they’d cuffed him.

“Get down! Get your ass down!” One of them yelled. “Keep your hands up!”

Elliot stayed where he was. “I’m a cop,” he said calmly.

“I don’t give a fuck! Get down!”

Elliot saw a scared rookie and shut his mouth. He slowly went down to his stomach and put his hands behind his head. Sandy was going to kill him for bleeding on the carpet.

“He’s hurt. Get a bus!”

Elliot didn’t argue. They might shoot him and then he‛d really need a bus. They took his gun and badge, cuffed him, and hauled him up.

“Please tell Tucker to stop yelling,” Elliot said to the patrol officer. “Please.”

No one listened, and he was taken out to a black and white. An ambulance screamed its way to the scene, and again Elliot was amazed at how quickly it had arrived. They took him to it, but left the cuffs on. He sighed and let the paramedics work on him. Butterfly bandages would keep the cut near his eye closed, but there wasn’t anything they could do for his split lip. He hurt. He ached, but Harry’s stark fear hurt even worse. They took pictures of Elliot‛s face before pulling him towards a patrol car.

“He assaulted me! Read him his rights and arrest him!” Tucker yelled and pointed. Elliot noticed that Tucker had managed to get out of his cuffs. Well, he was IAB. These rookies were all scared shitless.

“You have the right to remain silent-”

Elliot leaned against the patrol car, took a deep breath, and didn’t listen. He was done. Finished. And all it did was make him chuckle. A fitting end to his career - taking an ass kicking from IAB.

“I saw it. That crazy guy hit Elliot. Twice.”

Elliot snapped his head up when he heard the trembling voice. “Tobias! Get him out of here!”

Toby leaned over and rubbed Harry’s back. “Tell them the truth, Harry.”

Elliot tried to get to them, but he was shoved back. Harry looked at him. “I opened the door, and that man punched Elliot in the mouth. And then Elliot was trying to protect me from him, and the man hit him again.”

“Did Elliot hit him?” One of the patrol officers asked softly. Elliot didn’t understand how he could hear them over all the noise.

“No. Never. I thought that man was going to hurt me. He’s nuts.” Harry’s face was so white. “He came in our house and hit Elliot. Hard!”

Elliot needed to sit down. Someone put him in the back of a car, and he didn’t complain about it. What a fucking mess. Toby was going to kill him. Shank him. He saw the officers go with Harry and Toby in the house, and he put his head back to wait it out. Too bad these cars weren’t sound proof. Tucker was still yelling.

It was later when Cragen pulled the door open and him out. “You have definitely had a bad week, and it’s Monday.”

“Tell me about it.” Elliot winced when the cuffs came off. “Thanks for that.”

Cragen pointed at the suits getting out of a sedan that had just pulled up. “Let’s watch the fun.”

Elliot nodded. Neither of them said a word until Tucker was gone. “He’ll get off.”

“They’re charging him with criminal trespass, assault, and more.” Cragen took him by the arm and started for the house. “You’re going to bed.”

“Captain, it’s just my face.” Elliot walked with him and gently took his arm back. He had to check on Harry, and he was relieved to see that Harry wasn’t crying. “Are you okay?”

Harry bolted to him and hugged him hard. “I thought he was going to kill you.”

Elliot met Toby’s angry eyes. “You were brave, Harry. I’m very proud of you.”

“You’re okay?”

“I’m fine until Sandy sees the blood, and then I’m dead.” Elliot laughed to reassure him. “It’s late. Let your father put you to bed.”

Toby nodded. He put out his hand, Harry took it, and they went upstairs. Elliot sat down heavily in a nearby chair. The door was still open, but the cops were leaving. Finally.

“Okay?” Cragen asked.

“Yeah. Sorry about the mess.” Elliot gently touched his face. It hurt, but it didn‛t matter.

“IAB will be over to get your statement in the morning. Take the next two days off.” Cragen sighed. “I’ll have to hold onto your gun and badge until this is straightened out.”

“I understand. I’ll be here.” Elliot got to his feet and shut the door behind his boss. That had to be the most excitement that this neighborhood had ever seen. They might demand he move out. He caught sight of Holly on the stairs. “Holly! Go to bed!”

Instead, she dashed down and hugged him tightly. “I thought for sure they were going to arrest you.”

“Me too.” Elliot squeezed her back. “I’m fine. Go to bed before your father kills us both.”

Holly nodded and scooted back upstairs. She’d managed to stay out of it, but Harry had been traumatized. He’d been about ready to give cops a chance, but that was probably shot now. Damn. Elliot went to the fridge and made an ice pack. He gently put it on his face and sat down at the peninsula. Shock had to be setting in because he wasn’t angry. Tired, yes. Tucker had finally lost control. Stupid bastard. Coming over here and kicking his ass in front of Toby’s kids. Okay, he was angry now. The ice melted, and he still sat. If he were smart, he’d be packing. Instead, he got a soda. He wasn’t hungry, just nauseous.

“Harry’s asleep,” Toby growled as he came through the door. “I suggest you go to bed also.”

“Before you finish kicking my ass?” Elliot saw the raw anger.

Toby walked straight to him and grabbed him by the face. Elliot allowed it. Toby looked him over and said, “That fucker didn’t hit very hard. I could have done worse.”

Elliot brushed Toby’s hand away. “Are you going to do worse?”

Toby hesitated long enough to make Elliot worry. “No. It wasn’t your fault. The man is obviously insane.”

“Sure looks that way.” Elliot made sure his bandages were still on tight. “He was pissed because they dropped the investigation.”

“I know.” Toby got himself a soda out of the fridge and sat down across from him.

Elliot digested those two little words. Very carefully, he took a drink of his soda. It hurt, but he was thirsty. “Tell me what you did.”

“You’re no dummy, El.” Toby gave him a cocky grin. “I called my brother, explained the situation thoroughly, and waited.”

“Your brother is a big wig?” Elliot had a hard time believing it. “I knew you guys were wealthy, but . . .”

“My dad knew everyone.” Toby shrugged. “About the only thing he ever failed at was keeping me out of prison.”

Elliot let the conflicting emotions process and took another drink. “So, I owe your brother a favor?”

“No. His law firm made it clear to IAB that you were fully represented and any investigation into you would be defended vigorously.” Toby smiled. “Once you weren’t an easy target, they looked at the facts, and backed away. You have done nothing wrong.”

Elliot nearly rubbed his face, but stopped himself. “And that one hour cost me how much?”

“Pro bono.” Toby was still smiling. “I told you I did some pro bono work.”

“I’m not sure whether to kiss you or punch you in the mouth.” Elliot shook his head. “Word is going to get around that I have real lawyers now.”

“Maybe they’ll leave you the fuck alone and let you do your job.” Toby twirled his soda can. “Need some help getting to bed?”

“Hell, I ain’t no pansy.”

Toby’s eyes widened. “You sounded just like Chris.”

Elliot got up and put his hand to his head. Maybe he did need to lie down. “Did the door hit Harry?”

Toby took him by the arm. “I don’t understand.”

“I fell through the door. Harry was right there. I was afraid it had hit him on the head.” Elliot took advantage of the situation and wrapped his arm around Toby’s shoulders. “I am a little groggy.”

They went towards the bedroom together. “I didn’t see anything, and he didn’t complain. I’ll check when I go upstairs.”

“Good.” Elliot yawned. He was wiped out. “Tucker did punch pretty hard.”

“Looks like he had a ring on too.” Toby helped him get his shirt off. “Sandy is going to kill you.”

“Does blood come out?” Elliot didn’t think so.

“White carpet like that?” Toby laughed. “I know where your first month’s rent is going.”

“To buy carpet.” Elliot laughed with him. “So, evict me.”

“I might yet.” Toby was close, and Elliot wanted to pull him down on the bed. His dick didn’t know that his face was throbbing.

“IAB is coming over tomorrow for my statement. Could I, um, let them in?” Elliot brushed Toby’s long hair off his face.

“Yes. This time. I’m keeping Harry home from school. They said they might want to talk to him again.” Toby poked him in the chest with a sturdy finger. “I hate cops!”

Elliot didn’t blame him right now. “I know. I’m sorry. I never would have moved in here if I thought Harry or Holly would get hurt.”

“What about me?” Toby raised his voice a little.

“You’re tough.” Elliot smoothed his hands down Toby’s arms. “Kiss goodnight?”

“You’re sucking me in.” Toby pushed him to sitting and walked away. “Chris’s brother is an alley cat, just like him. I never would have guessed it.”

“Sarcasm suits you.” Elliot shoved his shoes off and then the rest of his clothes, leaving a pile of laundry by the bed. “Hit the light on your way out.”

Toby licked his lower lip. “I’m not going to make it much longer,” he muttered.

Elliot tried to find a comfortable spot for his face. “Good.”

Toby turned off the lights and shut the door. Elliot knew he should back away. Hell, he should run away. Toby was Chris’s lover, not his. But it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t easy at all. Elliot sighed and told himself to relax. Tomorrow, he’d have to stay calm. Let it slide. He couldn’t punch anyone, that much was certain.

********

“Harry, go downstairs while I speak with my brother.”

Elliot came out of his apartment just in time to hear that and see Harry do as he was told. Turning around and going back would look strange, so he sat down at the table and let Sandy bring him some coffee. She looked like she had a lot to say, but her eyes were on Toby and a man that Elliot assumed was Angus Beecher. Angus was taller, heavier, but blond and blue-eyed.

“Tobias, he’s been my son for three years. I allow him to move in with you and within three days he’s nearly killed by a cop!”

Elliot wanted to slide under the table. He should have gone back to his bedroom.

“You allowed him?” Toby’s forehead did that vein thing. “He asked, and he’s my son!”

“I’m aware of that, but I could get custody in a heartbeat.” Angus snapped his fingers. “What the hell were you thinking letting a cop move in? And Keller’s brother? Talk about bad blood!”

Elliot had heard enough. He stood.

Toby turned on him. “Sit the fuck down, Elliot.” He went back to his brother. “Elliot needed a place to live, and it’s certainly not his fault that Sgt. Tucker went crazy.”

“And you don’t think that Elliot drove him to it?” Angus was a big guy, and he loomed over Toby, but Elliot didn’t think that Toby was intimidated at all.

“No, I don’t!” Toby wasn’t backing down. “Elliot is a good man. Better than me. Criticize me all you want, but not him.”

“I have a few complaints. Yes!” Angus threw up his hands. “I’ve seen his jacket! He’s been suspended, sent home, and investigated more than any cop in his squad. Look at him. He’s Keller‛s brother, and that means trouble.”

Elliot got back up. “Toby, he might have a point.”

“I certainly do. This time, he was innocent, but next time he throws someone through a window, I’m not defending him.” Angus wasn’t letting up. “Admit it. This was a bad decision brought on because you can’t quit mooning over your prison lover!”

Elliot heard himself gasp. Now, that was harsh. “Angus, Harry can probably hear you. Bring it down.”

Toby clasped his hands together, but it was clear he wasn’t pleading. He was trying not to hit someone. “Angus, you’re being a huge asshole.”

“Toby, he’s not.” Elliot moved so he was more or less between them. “I’m more trouble than I’m worth, and I never should have moved in here.”

“Finally, the voice of reason!” Angus threw up his hands.

They all turned when the basement door opened. Harry shut it quietly behind him. “Angus, you’re not my father. I love you, but I want to live with my dad, and what happened was not Elliot’s fault.”

“Harry, please.” Angus went down to one knee. “Come home where you belong.”

“But, it’s not where I belong. I want to live with my family. My family.” Harry shook his head. “Dad didn’t do anything wrong, and neither did Elliot. That guy was crazy.”

Angus got to his feet. “Fine, but I want that cop out. Today.”

Toby looked as if he might explode. Elliot nodded. “I’m gone.” He took one step, but Harry’s small hand on his arm stopped him. “Harry, what is it?”

“I don’t want you to leave. I like you. You helped me when I was confused.” Harry smiled at him. “I like Elizabeth and Richard.”

“Harry, I like you too. You’re a great kid, but I won’t risk hurting you again.” Elliot gave him a quick hug. “You’ll still see Richard and Elizabeth, and I’ll come over occasionally. It’ll be fine.”

Toby had been remarkably quiet, but now he spoke up. “Angus, you’re not doing this in my house. I’m not your bitch!”

“Tobias!” Angus got back in his brother’s face. Elliot picked Harry up and took him out the back door to the garage. It was safe out there.

“Wow, they’re mad.” Harry seemed happy enough in Elliot’s arms.

“I think, maybe, they need to yell at each other, but you don’t need to hear it.” Elliot took him inside the garage and put him on the hood of the car. “Adults are stupid, ya know.”

“I know.” Harry nodded. “Dad lets Angus boss him around. Angus thinks he’s Toby’s dad too.”

“What do you think?” Elliot smiled. He really liked Harry.

“My dad is smart, but he needs to stand up for himself.” Harry scooted further up and started playing with the windshield wipers. “He’s worried the courts will take us away.”

“You really think so?” Elliot tried to ignore the trace of guilt from the time he’d threatened Toby with that.

“Yeah.” Harry shrugged. “I’m old enough to make up my own mind where I want to live.”

“Unless Toby is ruled unfit.” Elliot told the truth. “Angus is right. I am trouble.”

“Maybe.” Harry unscrewed the nut, took it apart, and put it back together again. “Maybe not. Maybe you just like your job so much that you can’t stand it when the bad guys get away.”

Elliot thought he’d never heard it put so well. “I do get pretty mad when it happens. Harry, you know I have to move out.”

Harry shook his head. “We’ll see. My dad ain’t nobody’s bitch.”

Elliot cringed, rubbed his face, and changed the subject. “Did you get a knock on the head?”

“Nope.” Harry pulled up his shirt. “Just this.”

Elliot moved fast to look. “Oh God.” He looked even closer and forced himself not to curse. “Did you show your dad?”

“Nah.” Harry put his shirt down. “It hurts, but it’s okay.”

“Okay, come on. This is more important than them yelling at each other.” Elliot picked him up again, but this time more carefully and went back in the house. He shut the door hard to announce himself, put Harry on the peninsula, and grabbed Toby by the shoulder.

Toby looked homicidal. “What?”

“We have a larger problem.” Elliot had Harry raise his shirt. Angus and Toby were speechless for one long moment.

“Motherfuck!” Toby snapped open his phone. Angus did the same. Elliot got his out too. Sandy pulled Harry into her arms, hugged him, and got him some breakfast. Elliot talked to Cragen at length before sitting down next to Harry and claiming his coffee again.

“Harry, you have to see a doctor and have pictures taken. Okay?” Elliot wanted to kill Tucker. Kill him. Break his neck. Make him eat a bullet. Something.

Toby was right there with them. “I got him an appointment.”

“Now?”

“Now.” Toby nodded. “Angus is taking us.”

“Good.” Elliot glanced over at Angus still on the phone. “I am so terribly sorry.”

“You didn’t do it.” Toby put his hand on Elliot’s shoulder and squeezed. “Stay here. Do not move out or I will be seriously angry.”

“Not like before.” Elliot rolled his eyes. “Get him taken care of and don’t argue in front of him.”

Angus shut his phone. “Let’s go.”

Elliot kissed Harry on the top of the head, and Sandy made him take some snacks and a juice. When she came back to the kitchen, Elliot was still sitting over his coffee. “I really screwed up, Sandy.”

“Not from what I heard.” Sandy refilled his coffee. “Tobias can curse like a sailor.”

“Yeah. He can.” Elliot took a sip and his cell phone rang. “Stabler.”

“Where are they taking him?” Cragen asked immediately.

“I’m not sure. Here’s Toby’s cell phone number.” Elliot rattled it off. “Who are you sending?”

“Olivia?”

“No, send Munch.” Elliot was certain that was a better fit. “I didn’t think I could feel worse.”

“This is all on that rat.” Cragen clicked off. He sounded pissed. Elliot was also, but there was no one to punch in the mouth.

Sandy gave him a pat. “Harry’s a tough lad. His father doesn’t always know that.”

Elliot bit the inside of his lip and jerked from the pain. He wasn’t doing that again. “I should move out while Toby is gone.”

“You can, but don’t you think he deserves better?”

Elliot sighed. Toby did deserve better. First Chris, and now him? Twice the trouble. Angus had every reason to be furious. Harry was injured, and it was Elliot’s fault. It was. The doorbell rang, and Elliot got up before Sandy took a step in that direction. “I’ll get it. I’m sure it’s for me.”

“If I hear yelling, I’m calling the police.” Sandy wasn’t joking.

“Good idea.” Elliot groaned. Screw up was his middle name.

********

“I can’t believe they didn’t have the ambulance check him over!” Angus was yelling again. “Your boyfriend got excellent care.”

Elliot sighed. It was starting again. “Angus, I’ve about had enough. Holly and Harry are home. Lower your voice and act like a civilized man.”

“Or what? You’ll throw me out?”

“No. I will.” Toby pointed at his brother. “Sit down. I’m sick of the drama. I didn’t see the door hit him. Elliot told me to check Harry’s head and I did. I should have checked under his pajamas.”

“That’s the truth.” Angus snorted. He did sit down though. “Elliot, I want you gone.”

“Yeah. You’ve made that clear.” Elliot stared down at the blood on the carpet. He could tell that Sandy had tried to get it out - with no success. “If I move out now, Harry will blame himself, and I don’t want that. Give it a month or two, and then I’ll find an excuse to leave.”

“Listen to him. He’s actually knows how to handle children that have been put in stressful situations.” Toby glared at Angus.

“Well, your kids qualify. Are you proud?” Angus crossed his legs and huffed. “I should have kept them.”

Elliot sighed. These two had issues. “Why don’t you two go somewhere and argue this out? And please go far away from the children. Angus, pound on Toby a little for all his mistakes, and Toby, give him a kick in the butt for being so self-righteous.”

“Good idea.” Toby got to his feet. “Angus, get out of my house. We’ll talk in the limo.”

Angus uncoiled fast, and he did look angry. “Excellent. I have a few things I’ve wanted to say for years.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Toby yanked open the door, and they went out together, both furious.

Elliot hoped they came back in one piece. He shrugged. Brothers could fight it out. It was one of the rules. He glanced up at Chris and wished they’d had a chance to have an argument. Maybe roll around on the floor and punch each other.

“Where’d they go?” Holly asked from the kitchen.

“Out to argue.” Elliot got up from his chair. He preferred other rooms to this one. “I’m going to lift weights.”

“Won’t your face hurt?”

“Maybe.” Elliot stopped in front of her. “Did you call Richard?”

“Well, yes. Dad didn’t tell me not to.” She smiled nervously. “Okay?”

“Okay. I’ll call Kathy. You’re keeping me on my toes. It’s a good thing I like you.” Elliot kissed her on the forehead and went to change clothes and make the call. One thing he did know - he wasn’t moving out this week.

********

“How could you let him get you in the face?” Elliot made an ice pack and handed it to a fuming Toby. “Uh, the kids are going notice!”

“No kidding.” Toby took it and put it on his eye. “I was going to duck.”

“But you figured you earned it.” Elliot went to him. He pulled him close and arranged the ice pack so it’d do the most good. Toby sighed and leaned against him. Elliot wanted to hug him, but that would be a really bad idea.

“Ouch,” Toby said softly. “My brother hits pretty hard for a lawyer.”

“Is it Friday yet?” Elliot was careful not to bump his sore face into Toby’s sore face. Toby laughed and wrapped his free arm around him. They stood that way for a good fifteen minutes, and Elliot watched him breathe. Elliot took it off and looked. “You’ll live.”

“I should press charges.” Toby stood up a little straighter. “You’re not leaving. Not unless you want to. Angus can get over it.”

“And if you lose your kids because of me?” Elliot didn’t think Toby was making a good decision.

“That won’t happen. Angus won’t do it. He knows it would hurt Harry and Holly.” Toby shook his head, touched his eye, and groaned. “I think he feels better about all this.”

“I’d hope so. You gave him a free shot.” Elliot draped the damp towel over the side of the sink. “And I thought I was the good twin. What a joke.”

Toby flashed him a grin. “You are.” He looked around. “Where are my kids?”

“Basement.” Elliot wasn’t going down there. He waited until Toby had the door open. “You did kick his butt, right?”

“Yes.” Toby went downstairs, and Elliot thought it was a good time for a shower. Cleaner, and feeling more like he could face the world, he got in his car and drove over to Kathy’s.

“Do you think that’s the end of it?” Kathy got them both a cup of coffee, and they sat at the kitchen table together.

“If there is a trial, it could get nasty.” Elliot prayed that didn’t happen. “Hopefully, IAB will force him to plead out.”

“Is Harry okay?”

“Bruised, but nothing broken.” Elliot still wanted to kill Tucker. “Bad situation.”

“Well, you can sleep on the couch until you find a new place to live.” Kathy sighed. “I’m glad you came over. Dickie was insisting that you were beaten within an inch of your life.”

Elliot laughed. “He just wanted to see Holly. Whose night is it tomorrow?”

“They’re at Holly’s, unless you think I should call and cancel.” Kathy reached across the table and gently put her hand on Elliot’s. Elliot waited for fireworks to go off in his jeans, but it didn’t happen. He almost wished it had. It seemed that he had moved on. She was right. It was over.

“I’ll ask Toby what he thinks. He’ll call you.” Elliot smiled for her. “And I’m not moving out. Not yet.”

“Toby isn’t throwing you out on your ear? Harry got hurt, and I’m sorry, but that is your fault.” Kathy frowned.

“I know it is, but Toby doesn’t blame me for the decisions that Tucker made.” Elliot pulled his hand away and drank his coffee. “Other than living at work, what could I have done differently?”

Kathy was still frowning. “You’re trying to convince me that you didn’t goad him into it? You and that smart mouth of yours?”

Elliot stared into his coffee cup. He had to let it slide. “So nice to know you think the best of me.”

“See what I mean?” Kathy got up and checked the oven. “Staying for dinner?”

“Are you inviting me or hoping I’ll leave?” Elliot didn’t understand this woman. Twenty years and she didn’t really know him. Had he ever known her?

“You’re invited.” She sighed. “Why didn’t you walk away from him?”

“I did. It did no damn good whatsoever. I begged him to leave. I did everything but drop to my knees, and Tucker kept coming at me. He knew that I’d take the rap.” Elliot looked away from her.

“Your reputation hurt Harry. Not you. I guess all your chickens came home to roost.”

“Just go ahead and say I told you so.” Elliot got up with his coffee. “I’m going to go hang out with Dickie and Elizabeth.”

Kathy nodded, but said nothing else. She’d pretty much covered the topic. Elliot wallowed in the guilt on the way upstairs. Twelve years of being an asshole had caught with him in a bad way.

*********

Elliot heard breakfast going on in the kitchen, but he stayed in his part of the house. For some reason, he couldn’t face the guilt this morning. He knew he was a coward. Yawning, he found the remote and turned on the TV.

“Elliot! Are you taking Harry to school?” Toby yelled down the hallway.

Elliot groaned and got up, muting the television. “Yeah! Give me a couple of minutes!”

“You’ve got one!”

Elliot put on his jeans, tennis shoes, and left his wife-beater alone. It’d do. He found his coat, grabbed his keys, and went out to the kitchen. Harry was ready. Toby gave him a careful hug and said, “If you get tired, call me, and I’ll come get you.”

“Dad, chill.” Harry grinned. “Elliot, are you awake?”

“Yeah.” Elliot went out the back door, right behind Harry. Toby was practically glaring, and Elliot didn’t want to know why, other than the obvious. “Harry, don’t talk about this, okay? The school is liable to call Child Protective Services.”

Harry gave him a long stare. “They’d do that?”

“If your teacher sees that bruising, you bet.” Elliot nodded. “It’s the law.”

“I didn’t know. What about gym? The kids will see when I change, and if I have to climb the rope, I’m going to die.” Harry was serious.

“I didn’t think of that.” Elliot sighed. “Okay, you may be a couple of minutes late, but I’ll fix it.”

“I trust you.”

Elliot nearly rolled his eyes. He drove faster. Quickly, he and Harry went into the station house. “You okay with this?”

“Sure.” Harry kept up with him. “Can I put on my badge?”

Elliot chuckled softly. “I really like you, Harry.”

Harry dug it out and clipped it on. “Do you like my dad?”

“I can’t decide.” Elliot grinned. “Usually.”

Harry grinned also, and they were inside. Elliot took him right to John. “John, we have a problem.”

John frowned. “Hi, Harry. Hanging out with that guy is nothing but trouble.”

“I like him though.” Harry waved at everyone.

“John, Harry is due at school. And I think you can fill in the blanks from there.” Elliot didn’t wave at the captain who was coming over. He gave John the address. “Do you mind?”

“Not a bit.” John shut the file he’d been working on. “Captain, I’m taking Harry to school and making sure the administration is appraised of the ongoing investigation.”

“Good idea. The case is complicated enough,” Cragen said. “Elliot, you look like-”

Elliot threw up his hand to stop him. “I know. I know. John, get moving or Harry is going to be really late.”

Harry smiled at Elliot. “Thanks, Elliot. Will you pick me up?”

“Sure. Look for me.” Elliot didn’t dare hug him, so he patted him on the head. “Go on.”

John and Harry went off together, and Cragen didn’t go back to his office. Elliot strolled past Olivia and picked up his messages.

“Shit, El.” Olivia stared.

Elliot hadn’t looked in the mirror this morning, but he had a feeling that his face was colorful. “I’m okay.”

Cragen was still with him. “Go home. The shit is still hitting the fan.”

“I’m only going to say this once,” Elliot growled. “If Tucker cuts a sweet deal where he gets probation, I’m-”

“Enough!” Cragen lowered his head. “This is what I’m talking about. Go home.”

Elliot told himself to let it slide, but it wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t give a crap that Tucker had smacked him down, but he’d hurt Harry, and that was unforgivable.

Olivia suddenly took hold of his arm. “Elliot, please, go home. No one knows anything yet.” She dropped her voice to whisper, “He’s still in a room. He hasn’t been formally charged.”

Elliot looked into her eyes, and she slowly nodded. He forced a smile. “I’ll go home and call my lawyer.”

“Good.” Olivia went back to her desk. Elliot stuck his messages in his pocket and headed to the car. Let it slide? Hell no.

Elliot went in the back door, making a note not to slam it that hard in the future. Sandy about hit the ceiling. Toby flinched also and got up from the table. “What?”

“They’re trying to make it go away!” Elliot went ahead and yelled at the top of his lungs.

Toby took a step back. “How do you know?”

“I had John take Harry to school and explain about the bruises. Olivia gave me a heads up.” Elliot put his hands on the hips so he didn’t punch a wall. “Those bastards!”

“Toby, put a suit on,” Angus said as he came into the kitchen. Elliot hadn’t known that Angus was here or he might not have yelled quite so loudly.

Toby disappeared upstairs fast, and Elliot got right in Angus’s face. “I know you hate me, and I don’t give one shit about the assault on me, but you make sure he doesn’t skate!”

Angus stared back at him. “I apologize for the remarks I made, and you can be certain that this isn’t going to disappear.”

Elliot breathed hard. “The rat squad can make anything disappear.”

“Not this time.” Angus stuck out his hand. “Do you think we could start over?”

Elliot shrugged and shook Angus’s hand. “Sure, but you were right.”

“That admission is why we need to start over. I was too quick to judge. My brother made that perfectly clear yesterday.” Angus went to the stairs. “Tobias! Get a move on!”

Toby came down the stairs two minutes later. “Elliot, I’m trusting you to pick up the kids. Holly gets out at three, and Harry at three-thirty.”

“No bus?”

“Not in the afternoon.” Toby straightened his tie. “Got it?”

“Yes.” Elliot wished he could put on a suit and go yell at cops. “Toby, when they ask about that black eye, and they will, please tell them I didn’t do it.”

Toby grinned. “Hope for the best.” He and Angus went out the door, and Elliot stared down at the blood again.

Sandy spoke up from the doorway. “Come eat, Elliot, and don’t worry about that. I’ll get it out yet!”

Elliot nodded to make her happy and went to eat a little. His mouth hurt like hell today. He ended up back in bed, watching TV and wishing his cell phone would ring. Checking his email didn’t help. When the doorbell rang, it was a relief, and he got it quickly.

“Hey, Captain.”

Cragen came inside and smiled. “This is a nice house.”

“Come on back to the part I pay rent on.” Elliot wasn’t going to stand around and pretend it was his. When they were sitting in his office, he asked, “What’s this about?”

“Here’s your gun and badge.” Cragen handed them over. Elliot put them in the safe and locked it. He knew there was more, and he knew he wasn’t going to like it. Cragen sighed. “They want you to drop the charges against him.”

Elliot shut his eyes for one second. Part of him had expected it. “So that’s how they’re playing it? Going to pretend that the cops weren’t called and cuffed us both?”

“Yes, they’re trying to downplay it into a simple argument that led to a couple of punches. No assault. No trespass. Tucker resigns, but keeps his pension.”

“And Harry?”

“Charges won’t be filed.” Cragen had the grace to look embarrassed. “I’m stuck here, Elliot.”

Elliot knew that was the truth. “Casey agreed to this?”

“She was persuaded that you caused the bruising by falling through the door. Yes.” Cragen frowned.

Elliot clutched the back of his office chair and wished for a window. “How many days am I going to get ripped?”

“A week.” Cragen got to his feet. “It’s the best I can do, Elliot.”

“I’m sure it’s easy to blame my temper for all of this, but there is one tiny flaw in the master plan.” Elliot didn’t think Toby and Angus were going to be pushed aside so easily.

Cragen furrowed his brow. “What?”

“We’ll have to see how it goes today.” Elliot shrugged. “I suppose I have to sign a revised statement.”

“Yes. It should be ready by tomorrow.”

Elliot put his head down and sighed. They’d write it. He’d sign it. He didn’t like cops either today. “I’m tired. Can you excuse me?”

“Elliot, at least he’ll be gone.” Cragen put his hand out as if to touch him, and Elliot moved away. Cragen narrowed his eyes. “He’s still claiming you punched him first, and there are no witnesses to dispute that.”

“As if they bothered to do a canvass. Where the hell is his black eye?” Elliot started for the front door and he knew Cragen would get the idea that it was time to leave. “I’ll be in tomorrow.”

“Good.” Cragen tried to smile, but it didn’t work too well for him. “In another year, this will be forgotten.”

“I guess so. I just wonder what it says about me that I’m willing to take a beating, smile, and say thank you. I’m not the man I ever thought I was.” Elliot hesitated to slam the door in his captain’s face.

“It’s not personal.”

“Right. Do you honestly believe that?” Elliot snorted. “Tomorrow.” He shut the door quietly and wished he knew who had called the police. That person was his witness, but it didn’t matter. They were going to let it slide, and he had to also. Let it slide. Don’t worry. No one cares. He sat down heavily and shut his eyes.

********

“Kids?” Toby started taking off his tie before the word was out of his mouth.

“They’re all in the basement. I ended up with four of them.” Elliot wasn’t going to interrogate Toby to find out what happened today. Tomorrow, he’d go to work, and they’d tell him what to do. Shit. What a system. “Dinner’s in ten minutes, and Kathy is picking mine up around eight thirty.”

Toby nodded. “Thanks. Did Harry have any trouble at school?”

“I talked to John. They were sympathetic, and he’s not going to go to gym class until he’s healed.” Elliot stifled a yawn. He slid off the barstool and went towards his room.

Toby caught him by the arm and squeezed. “Thank you.”

“I heard you.” Elliot furrowed his brow. “I’m going to go wash up.”

“We’ll talk later, in private.”

Elliot shook his head. “Forget it.” Nothing he’d heard today from anyone had given him any hope. Tomorrow, he’d sign a bunch of lies, and be grateful they weren’t arresting him for assault. Toby turned him loose, and he went to wash his hands. His cut and bruised face stared back at him. No wonder cops got drunk.

********

Elliot went to bed when Toby took the kids upstairs. He’d need some sleep to face tomorrow. Sandy was long gone, and Kathy had picked up Dickie and Elizabeth. This crappy day was over. He couldn’t wait for the rest of his life.

“Wow, you’re fun tonight. I’ve seen corpses that looked happier.”

Elliot shrugged. “Harry looks like someone used him for a punching bag, my face hurts, and I’m scheduled to commit perjury in the morning. For some reason, I’m a little down.”

Toby didn’t laugh, thank God. “My eye is a little tender too, but yours looks worse.”

“No way they’re asleep.”

“No.” Toby stuck his hands in his jeans. “You want to know about my day?”

“Not sure I do. My jaw is starting to hurt from grinding my teeth.” Elliot sat down on the bed, arranged the pillows, and leaned back against them. “But, how was your day, honey?”

“Smart ass.” Toby glared. “I’ll be back.”

Elliot turned the TV on and found a news channel. It was the same stuff as usual. People dying. He watched anyway.

“That wife-beater has given me a perpetual hard-on today in spite of my black eye. Do you think you could put on a sweat shirt or a gunny sack or something?” Toby was back. It was thirty minutes later, but he’d come back.

Elliot took it off, tossed it, and scratched his chest. “Better?”

“Maybe. Yeah.” Toby pushed his hair away from his face. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

“Neither. I want to pretend I have a job where people actually serve and protect, instead of covering their ass.” Elliot wished Toby would sit down. “And sit down somewhere, will ya?”

Toby looked at the bed, at him, and around the room. “I need another chair in here.”

Elliot rolled his eyes. “Okay, do this. Go away. Yes, really. Go to your three-quarters of the house.”

“It’s all my house,” Toby growled.

Elliot didn’t want to talk, or yell, or even look at another human being. His let it slide policy had slid right out the door. He wanted to hurt someone.

Toby took the other side of the bed, exhaled sharply, and stroked his hand across Elliot’s tattoo. “If your head explodes, I’m not cleaning up the mess.”

“I should have shot the bastard dead or at least cracked his head open.” Elliot wanted to shove Toby away, but he hesitated to do it. The touch made him feel less like killing.

“I’m sure you would have, but Harry was there. I’d like to personally thank you for your restraint.” Toby hesitated a long minute. “I met ADA Casey Novak today.”

“She’s blaming for me for this. I heard.” Elliot would never admit how much that hurt. Casey bent over backasswards for Olivia, but she’d blown him off when it counted the most. “My fault. Of course.”

“Well, you did fall down.” Toby smiled, and Elliot reached over and poked him on the cheekbone. “Ouch! You motherfucker!”

Elliot caught Toby’s hand when Toby attempted to retaliate. “You need to stop cursing in front of your kids.”

“Turn me loose, so I can hit you!” Toby struggled, but not hard, and soon they were both smiling. Elliot turned him loose, and Toby sat up cross-legged and faced him. “The situation, as you suspected, was a huge fucking mess.”

“Sure is.” Elliot raised his hand and was so glad when Toby laced his fingers through. “Protect Harry. Forget me.”

“Don’t worry about that!” Toby squeezed. “Did you know that every night around eight, Mrs. Hixon - she lives two houses down - walks her dog?”

Elliot could only stare.

“And yes, Harry always asks to go pet the dog, and I allow it because there is no way I’m ever getting one of those damn yappers.” Toby smiled. “Right about the time Angus and I found out that there was literally nothing we could do because everything had been tidied up so nice and neat, Mrs. Hixon walked into the precinct. She wanted to give her statement. No one had gotten it last night. She was worried and concerned. She’d seen a man assaulted right in front of her eyes.”

“I’ll be damned,” Elliot breathed. “Let me guess. They told her to shut up and go home.”

“I won’t say they didn’t try, but do you know which board Mrs. Hixon sits on when she’s not busy calling nine one one.”

Elliot thought frantically. He knew this one. “My God.”

“Yes. The New York Post.” Toby’s blue eyes sparkled. “And the walls came a tumbling down.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t tune her up.” Elliot grabbed the remote and turned it off. He wanted to listen to Toby now. “That has to be the good news.”

“Yes.” Toby nodded. “The bad news is that he pled it out to five.”

“He lost his pension. He lost it all.” Elliot felt as if he’d been hit in the head with a nightstick. “I don’t have to lie.”

“For some reason, I knew that’s the part that would make you the happiest.” Toby smirked. “More bad news.”

“What?” Elliot hadn’t heard any bad news yet.

“He’s not going to Oz. Too dangerous.” Toby sighed. “Our justice system is so unfair.”

Elliot had to laugh, and it built slow, but lasted a good long time. His cheeks were sore at the end of it. Toby watched him and smiled. When the laughter faded, he tugged gently, and Toby came to him. Carefully, they kissed, and Elliot tried not to wince. “And Novak?”

“She gave us a look that could have peeled wallpaper and then apologized for minimizing Harry’s trauma.” Toby shook his head. “Do you like her?”

“Usually, yeah.” Elliot was reluctant to say more. He was positive he’d see her tomorrow. “Are you still furious with me?”

Toby studied him and then gently reached. The touch was warm, and Elliot quivered slightly. Elliot looked down at the hand on his heart. Toby cocked his head as if he were listening. “I never was. Sometimes the shit jumps off, and you gotta roll with it.”

Elliot had to ask something. “What are you now? A lawyer or a graduate of the hard school of Oz?”

“Worried I’ll shank you?” Toby smiled.

“No. I’m waiting for the day you’ll wake up and throw this blue collar asshole right out the back door.” Elliot raised his eyebrow. “Kathy offered me the couch after it happens.”

“Really? She must be over it. That’s good.” Toby unfolded and lay down next to him, tucking in close and putting his arm across Elliot’s chest. “Turn the TV back on.”

Elliot stared down at him, fumbled for the remote, and turned it on. “This is . . . weird.”

“Glad you like it.” Toby yawned. “I’m worn out. Being a lawyer sucks.”

Elliot laughed. “I hate lawyers.”

Toby found some skin to twist. “I hate cops more.”

“Let’s argue about it later.” Elliot held him and watched the news. Toby fell asleep, and Elliot didn’t shake him wake, but he tempted. A kiss would have hurt, but they could have done other stuff. He hadn’t ever done it before, but that wasn’t going to stop him.

*********

Elliot rolled over and slapped the alarm. He groaned when he realized that he had two more days of work this week. “Damn,” he grumbled, but he headed for the shower. When the water hit him, he blinked and wondered where Toby had gone. Had he ever been there? Elliot was pretty sure of it. He felt slightly insulted. Toby hadn’t even tried for a kiss.

His suit was the order of the day, gun and badge were next, and he was ready for coffee. Toby was at the table with his, and Sandy brought him a cup. “Good morning, Elliot.”

“Hey, Sandy.” Elliot sat down next to Toby. “Did I miss the bus?”

“They’ll be down in about two minutes.” Toby checked the time. “You’re running early.”

Elliot didn’t see how that was possible. Sandy came over and plunked a plate of food in front of him. “Sandy, I’m going to get fat.”

“You’ll run it off before dinner.” She smiled.

Elliot picked up a fork and ate. Toby stood and moved too close. He reached, and Elliot moved his head away. “Don’t touch!”

“Hold still, ya baby.” Toby gently removed the butterfly bandages. “They were hanging. It’ll hold now.”

“Thanks, Dr. Beecher.” Elliot was relieved when Toby went back to his chair. Touching the side of his face, Elliot winced. Well, it wasn’t bleeding so he might as well eat. The kids came dashing in the kitchen, and they all ate together. Toby even splurged and had some eggs. Elliot grinned at him.

“Ready, Harry?”

“Let me get my book bag.” Harry left the table.

Holly pouted a little. “No one takes me to school.”

“You insisted you wanted to ride the bus, remember?” Toby rolled his eyes. “I’ll take you.”

“Nope.” Holly got up, kissed her dad, and smiled. “Gotta run.”

“She’s messing with you,” Elliot said when she’d left the room. “Guilt - a beautiful thing.”

Toby laughed softly. “She’ll ask for something later. Who knows? I may say yes, just to mess with her.”

Elliot had to laugh with him. He finished his breakfast, got to his feet, and Toby gripped him by the arm. “What?”

“If there’s a problem, call me.” Toby squeezed. “Don’t sign anything without me or Angus looking at it.”

Elliot nodded. “Okay. Harry! Let’s go!”

Harry came up from the basement. “I’m ready.”

“Good.” Elliot wanted to kiss Toby goodbye, and that was ridiculous. “Toby, I’ll call you. Maybe we can meet for lunch.”

Toby’s eyes widened. “Call me.”

Elliot followed Harry out and took him to school. That was the easy part. The hard part was going to work afterwards. The temptation was to toss his badge out and keep driving, but who he was forced him through those doors. Everyone turned to look at him. He didn’t like it one bit. He put his coat on a hanger and went straight to Cragen’s office. No reason to wait.

John intentionally stepped in front of him. “You know I love you.”

“Shut up, John.” Elliot made sure not to laugh. Trust John to make a joke out of it. Elliot knocked and opened the door. “You wanted to see me?”

“Not really.” Cragen shook his head. “Ride your desk.”

Elliot shut the door. He did go to his desk and boot up his computer, but he didn’t sit down. Slowly, he rolled up his sleeves. His career, such as it was, was over. No more advancement for him, and if he were honest, he didn’t much care.

“Elliot? Can we talk a moment? Privately?”

“Good morning, Casey.” Elliot finished his right sleeve. “Where to?”

“My office would be nice.” She smiled. Elliot walked with her and sat down in front of her desk. She opened a file. “I’d like you to consider signing this.”

Elliot took the offered page. He read it carefully. “Explain to me why.”

“IAB has dropped the investigation against you, and they ask me to have you sign that.”

Elliot laughed softly. “I don’t think so.” He handed it back. “They’ve kept me squirming for years. A month or two won’t kill them.”

Casey nodded. “Fine. I asked. You refused. We’re done. How is Harry?”

“No gym for a week or two, but he’s a kid. They heal fast.” Elliot got to his feet. “Where is Tucker going?”

“Rikers. He’ll be safer there.” Casey stood also. “I want you to know that none of that was my idea.”

“You just smiled and nodded. I know.” Elliot walked out. He didn’t want to hear her tell him that she’d had no choice. There were always choices. She had given in because in her mind there was doubt. Tucker had said that Elliot had hit him, so it might be true. He did have a terrible temper.

“Elliot!”

Elliot stopped and turned. “Hey, Doc.”

“Your face is-”

“Pretty. I know.” Elliot smiled. “Do you need something?”

“I thought you might want to talk.” Huang started walking, and Elliot went with him. “About everything that happened.”

Elliot hesitated, but he didn’t mind. “I built a reputation as a man without much control. Tucker used it against me.”

“I think you’re right. I never thought you hit him though.”

Elliot stopped. “Why?”

“The children.” Huang smiled a little. “Are you relieved?”

“Not really. I’m sure more than a few people are angry that it wasn’t swept under the rug.” Elliot shrugged. “Glad to know someone believed me.”

“I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.” Huang stuck his hands in his pockets. “You’ll come see me?”

“Maybe.” Elliot didn’t think so. “Thanks.”

Huang nodded and went into his office. Elliot went to his desk and prepared himself for a long day. The brass was mad, IAB was sweating, and chances were good that Cragen had had enough of Detective Stabler.

********

Elliot took a breath of New York’s not-so-fresh air. It was lovely, and he was glad to be out of the squad room.

“You buying?” Toby came up behind him, as usual.

“Of course. I owe you a nice meal.” Elliot let Toby catch up, and they went to the hot dog stand together. They ordered and took their stuff to the stairs to sit. “Nice day.”

“Not bad.” Toby took a bite. “These are good.”

“Told ya.” Elliot smiled. “Doing any lawyer stuff today?”

“Cleaned up a few odds and ends this morning, but nothing big. You shoot anyone?” Toby smirked.

“Not yet, but I was tempted when I found a plastic dead rat hanging on my locker.” Elliot shrugged and ate some hot dog.

“A rat? They think you’re a rat?”

“No, I’m a rat killer. It was a joke.” Elliot hadn’t laughed, and Toby didn’t either.

Toby looked around. “Where are your cop buddies?”

“Out working a case. I’m on ass duty again, damn it.” Elliot took a big drink of his soda. “Cragen won’t even talk to me.”

“Fun job you got.” Toby ate some more hot dog. Elliot did too. He wasn’t mad about the rat, but several people had stopped by his desk to tell him that he was a wimp, and that had stung. Toby tapped him on the knee. “You okay?”

“I’m letting it slide. It’s that or open fire.” Elliot nudged him. “Shut up now. Cragen is coming over.”

Toby snorted. “Right. Hey, Captain.”

Cragen nodded. “Elliot, did you sign it?”

“He better not have. Not without a lawyer present.” Toby got to his feet. “What is he talking about, Elliot?”

“No, Captain. I didn’t. I don’t intend to sue, but I refuse to sign away the right to sue.” Elliot stood and wadded up his paper. “My lawyer also advised me not to sign anything today.”

“Damn right I did.” Toby wasn’t shutting up. “How much on the job harassment is my client going to receive?”

Cragen sighed. “No one blames him for what happened, but it doesn’t sit easy when a cop goes to prison.”

“That fucker hurt my son. I pray to God he takes it up the ass once or twice before he gets out in two on good behavior!”

Elliot stepped in between them. “Toby, I think everyone on the planet knows you’re angry.”

Toby lowered his head. “I hate cops,” he muttered.

“We know. Everyone knows. I’ll see you later. Okay?”

“Don’t sign anything.” Toby narrowed his eyes. “Don’t.”

“You have my word.” Elliot watched him walk away before turning to Cragen. “He’s not a cop. He can’t understand.”

“No, but his anger is understandable. Is he angry at you too?” Cragen headed for the hot dog stand, and Elliot walked with him.

“He isn’t happy.” Elliot didn’t buy another one. “I wish I could have done something differently.”

“Tucker made his own mess, but I still think prison is too harsh.” Cragen gave him a hard look. “No one arrested you for drunk, disorderly, and soliciting.”

Elliot had only one thing to say. “When I got drunk, no one got hurt. If the police hadn’t shown up at Toby’s house when they did, someone would be dead, probably me.”

“You went for your gun?” Cragen’s face switched from concerned to cold and stony.

“We both did.” Elliot told the truth, even though it might cost him. “He hit me again, and all I could see was Harry’s scared face. Tucker went for his gun, and I was right behind him.”

Cragen was silent a moment. “Maybe prison is what he deserves.”

Elliot didn’t push it, but he thought so. “I never touched him.”

Cragen ate his hot dog before answering. “If you’d have punched him in the mouth out on the sidewalk, none of this would have happened.”

Elliot groaned. “So now I’m supposed to lose my temper? I can’t win in this job!”

“Welcome to the world.”

********

Elliot rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders. Ass duty had turned into canvassing and that had become two rape cases, and now it was Friday evening, and he still hadn’t made it home. His cell phone rang. “Stabler.”

“Hi, Elliot. It’s Kathy.”

“Hey, babe.” Elliot smiled.

“Funny. I’m taking the kids for the weekend, okay?”

“That’s two weekends in a row.” Elliot wasn’t happy to hear it. “Are you pissed at me?”

“Not more than usual. My mom is having-”

“Forget I asked,” Elliot interrupted. “What do I get?”

Kathy hesitated. “What do you want?”

“To see my kids!” Elliot couldn’t believe her. “And we were supposed to clean out the house this weekend.”

“Robert hired it done. He put everything in storage. It’ll give us time to pick through it.”

Elliot felt like hanging up on her. “He should’ve asked.”

“He did. Me. I told him to do it. You’ve been busy getting beat up.”

“Fine. Take them, but next weekend, they’re with me from Friday evening until Sunday evening.”

“Sounds good. Bye.” Kathy hung up on him. Elliot snapped the phone shut and stuffed it away angrily. Sure, he saw his kids more now that he lived at Toby’s, but it still wasn’t enough, and Robert should be calling him, not her!

“You okay?” Olivia asked.

“Let it slide. Let it slide. Let it slide,” Elliot chanted to himself. “God, I hate letting things slide.”

“It’s really not your style. Maybe you should just do your best and forget the rest.” She smiled brightly, teasing him.

“Another stupid saying.” Elliot nearly rubbed his face, but stopped just in time. “Are we done?”

“Yes. I’m going home.” She headed for her coat.

“Elliot, you’re off this weekend. No arguments,” Cragen said as he got another cup of coffee.

Elliot sighed. He wasn’t going to make any money this month. “I’ll be lucky if I can make the rent!”

“Should’ve thought of that before you took an ass-kicking,” Fin said. “The guy wasn’t even homicide.”

“He hit pretty damn hard!” Elliot turned off the computer and shoved his files in a drawer.

“For a rat, yeah.” Fin smirked and walked away. John laughed, and Elliot got his coat before he starting hitting his co-workers. He pulled the plastic rat from his coat pocket and threw it at Fin’s retreating back. It bounced off. Fin never slowed down. Two seconds later, it was flying back at him. Elliot let it hit the floor. He was going home. Enough was enough. The ride home went quickly. Traffic was light, and he parked his car in the garage and went in the back door.

“That you, El?” Toby was in the basement.

“It ain’t Sandy.” Elliot put his coat on a kitchen chair and pulled his tie off. He stretched and yawned.

“Slept in two days?”

“Some.” Elliot went to see if there were leftovers. “Where are your kids?”

“They went to spend the weekend with Angus. He insisted. I didn’t argue, not much.” Toby was just watching him. “Yours?”

“Kathy took them somewhere for something, damn it.” Elliot found a plate of food that Sandy had prepared for him and stuck it in the microwave. “Sandy is worth every dime we pay her.”

“I know.” Toby smiled. “You realize what this means?”

“I’m hungry?” Elliot got a fork and a soda. He was hungry.

“We’re here, alone, for two days. Wait, you work tomorrow. Okay, one day.”

“Cragen told me not to show my bruised face until Monday.” Elliot found a napkin, pulled the plate out, and sat down to eat. “Two days. I bet if you think real fast you can find an excuse to leave.”

“Probably.” Toby walked behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. Elliot groaned. He didn’t stop eating though. Toby used his thumbs and dug in hard. “What are your plans?”

“I’m going to sleep. At this point, I’m not real picky about where.” Elliot swallowed hard when Toby’s lips met his neck and kissed. “Okay, you should stop.”

“Why?” Toby asked innocently.

Elliot didn’t have an answer at first. “You don’t like cops?”

“I’m making an exception for you, and I kind of like that Munch fellow.” Toby kissed him again. “Anything else?”

“You don’t like me?”

“Yeah. I do.” Toby laughed. “You done yet?”

Elliot ate faster and pushed his plate away the instant it was empty. “Yes.”

“Good. Come on. I want five minutes with you before you fall asleep.” Toby pushed him. Elliot got up, took one step towards his bedroom, and was yanked back. Toby steered him towards the stairs. “My room. You owe me a favor.”

“But.” Elliot gave up quickly. “I don’t owe you anything.” But he went upstairs. Toby’s room was more of a suite. His office was tucked in a corner opposite a king-sized bed, and the bathroom was through a connecting door. “I knew you had it nicer than me.”

“It is my house.” Toby frowned. “The gun and badge have got to go.”

Elliot looked around, shrugged, and put them on Toby’s desk. “Don’t touch.”

Toby saluted and took his shirt off. Elliot stared for a second at Toby’s chest and then went to work on his buttons. All the blood rushed from his brain to his groin, and he ached. Ached. Toby came to him and tugged his shirt out. “Can you handle this?”

“Can you?” Elliot shoved his clothes down and off. He was going to wait for some clear consent, and then he was going to let his dick take charge of the situation.

“Yes.” Toby yelped one second later. “Hey!”

Elliot tossed him on the bed and crawled on top. Whatever Toby was complaining about must not have bothered him too badly because Elliot found himself with a mouthful of tongue. They shoved at each other, neither of them gentle or patient. Elliot tried to concern himself with whether Toby was having a good time, but the roar in his brain pushed everything aside but his own desires.

“Oh, shit,” Toby said into the crook of Elliot’s neck. Elliot bit, licked, and kissed. Almost gasping for air, he moaned when he felt Toby jerk and come between them. Toby ground into him and sighed softly, “Ah, damn.”

Elliot quivered, goose pimples broke out, and he orgasmed hard. Not slow and easy. It crashed out of him, leaving him to wonder if he could still walk and talk. Collapsing down, he didn’t even try to miss Toby.

“Man, you gotta lay off the hot dogs.” Toby pushed, and they were side by side. Elliot laughed and hoped some blood went back up to his brain soon. He fell asleep before it happened.

*********

Elliot stared at the ceiling. “Where the hell am I?” he muttered.

“Probably where you never thought you’d be.”

Elliot leaned up onto his elbows. “Hey, Toby. How are ya?”

Toby laughed. “Let’s go shower.”

“It has been a couple of days.” Elliot had any number of emotions rumbling around in his chest, but he absolutely refused to be embarrassed. He stretched and yawned. “Two shower heads?”

“My parents had this put in, not me.” Toby started the water, adjusting for temperature. “But I thoroughly enjoy it.”

Elliot stuck his face in the water. “Now when I’m downstairs, I’m gonna be wishing I was up here.”

“Good.” Toby caressed Elliot’s ass. “Drop the soap, please.”

Elliot laughed and cleaned off the stickiness. “What time is it?”

“Around midnight.” Toby gave a grunt as Elliot ran his soapy hands around Toby’s body, trying to memorize the layout. “I wasn’t sure about this.”

“As if I couldn’t tell.” Elliot caught sight of a scar and took a good look at it. That was from a shank. He was sure of it. “Was it my good looks or charming personality that persuaded you?”

“Two things. First: when that fucker came through the door, your only thought was to protect my son, and secondly: that wife-beater.” Toby grinned and kissed him. “I am definitely into twins.”

“Ugh.” Elliot wrapped his arms around Toby and squeezed. “Any thoughts on how we’re gonna work this in the future?”

“I’m not going to worry about it for two days.” Toby licked Elliot’s neck and slid his tongue down, and down, and then down just that much more. Elliot let him play. Toby glanced up. “More?”

“You decide.” Elliot adjusted the water just a tiny bit to make it hotter. The glass on the doors began to fog up, and he hoped his knees didn’t give out. The pleasure spiked and ebbed, and he leaned his head back, dimly felt the water hit his face, and sagged from the power of it. Another orgasm or two like that and he wasn’t going to have any brain cells left.

Toby eased his way up, rinsed his mouth out, and spat. “You okay?”

“Trying to breathe.” Elliot leaned back against the cold tile. His skin was so hot that it felt good. He saw that Toby was ready for another one. “You?”

Toby looked down and then up quickly. “One thing before we go any farther - Chris and I both pitched.”

Elliot blinked, trying to force his brain to figure out a sports analogy. Suddenly, he got it, and he tried not to blush. “You weren’t his . . . um.” He stopped, not wanting to say something so hurtful again.

“No. It wasn’t like that.” Toby shrugged. “I did try to tell you.”

Elliot nodded. He believed it now. The truth was all over Toby’s face. “I’m glad.”

It was Toby’s turn to look surprised. “That’s a shock.”

Elliot pulled away from the wall and got back under the water. Toby squirted out some shampoo and washed his hair. It was longer now than Elliot had ever seen it. “Are you saying I’m some kind of insensitive-”

“Cop?” Toby smiled. “Yeah. That’s what I was implying. Come here and turn around.”

Elliot nearly balked, but he was curious so he went. Toby wrapped himself around Elliot’s back. His hard cock prodded Elliot’s balls and then retreated. Elliot looked over his shoulder, and Toby kissed him.

“Damn. You feel good.” Toby’s hands seemed to be everywhere, and his hips never stopped moving. Elliot went from feeling uncomfortable to pleasantly aroused again. The steam got thicker, and Toby bit him on the back of the neck. “Oh, damn.”

Elliot felt the wetness hit him, and then water began to dribble it away. “That’s it?”

“Yeah. I’m out of lube.” Toby kissed him. Elliot turned around, pressed him against the tiles, and kissed him until they were both out of breath. He backed away slowly, and Toby licked his lips.

“Damn. I feel sixteen again.” Elliot washed one more time and then shut the water off. He wanted to lie down for a minute or two. Toby laughed and found them some towels. They dried each other off, and Elliot flushed when he saw the pile of clothes he’d left in the middle of the floor. “Good thing Sandy’s not around.”

“Good thing.” Toby laughed.

Elliot shoved him towards the bed, and they fell onto it together. Toby reached and shut the lamp off. They found enough room to get comfortable while managing to stay close. Elliot shut his eyes. “Think that’ll do it until morning?”

“It might.” Toby laughed, and Elliot didn’t hear anything after that.

********

“Hey, lunkhead, want some coffee?”

Elliot groaned and wished the light would go away. “Do I have to?”

“Nah.” Toby’s weight settled next to him. Elliot could smell the coffee, and in another minute, he heard the TV. Damn. He might as well try to put two sentences together. Toby handed it to him. “I put some cream in it.”

“Can I stay here all day?” Elliot sat up, leaned back, and took a sip. He was still tired.

“I have absolutely no problem with that.” Toby sipped his own mug. “Stay naked, okay?”

“How about a wife-beater and some shorts?”

“Doable.” Toby moved until they were shoulder-to-shoulder. “Is this weird for you?”

“Too tired to care.” Elliot concentrated on getting some caffeine into his body. “Why? You gonna freak out and shank me?”

Toby sighed softly. “Not today.”

“Who shanked you?” Elliot was only mildly curious. “Chris?”

“No. Schillinger did it.” Toby started changing channels. “Who shot you?”

“Which time?” Elliot smiled. He made a grab for the remote. “I’m gonna puke if you don’t stop.”

Toby laughed and put it on CNN. “Pussy. So, if we’re staying in bed all day, what are you going to eat?”

“I’ll think of something.” Elliot had an idea or two. “You’re out of lube or you never bought any?”

“That took awhile.” Toby raised his eyebrows. “Do you care?”

“Yes.” Elliot finished his coffee, put the cup on the side table, and took Toby’s from him. Toby nearly protested, and then Elliot kissed him. “I have this problem, and by God, you’re gonna fix it before your kids get home.”

“Your walking hard-on?”

“Got it in one.” Elliot pulled him close. “Think of something fast.”

Toby laughed and bumped up against him. “I never bought any.”

“Good.” Elliot wanted to make one thing perfectly clear. “No one but me. Okay?”

Toby drew back a little. “Excuse me?”

Elliot eased on top of him, kissing and touching. He made sure all the important parts were together, but held most of his weight off. Toby felt so good. This was right. Elliot had never throbbed so hard in his life. They rocked and kissed, and Toby gripped Elliot’s ass hard.

“No one.” Elliot kissed him hard, sticking his tongue deep. “No one.”

Toby’s blue eyes met his. The air seemed to crackle, and Toby thrust up.

Elliot met it and pushed down. Skin sizzled and he wished he’d met Toby twenty some odd years ago. He grunted softly. “But me.”

Toby’s hand came up and shoved Elliot’s head down. The kiss wasn’t kind or sweet. It hurt as their teeth banged together, and Elliot felt a tiny trickle of blood from his lip. The pain couldn’t jab its way through the pleasure, and he pushed harder, wanted more and more. Toby wrapped his legs around Elliot, and it shuddered out of him. It left him breathless, almost unable to move, but he forced himself to stick with it until he felt and heard Toby’s release.

“No one,” Elliot whispered.

“But us,” Toby said firmly. “Ever.”

Elliot brushed his lips across Toby’s. “Us.”

Toby shut his eyes, pulled Elliot down on him, and laughed softly. “You bastard.”

Elliot wasn’t insulted. He heard the love, and the promise had been made. They would keep it. There was no doubt about that. They lay together, breathing, but not talking. The TV droned on, and Elliot finally had to roll away. Toby didn’t move, so Elliot brought back a hand towel and wiped him off.

“Eat more. Your hips bruised me.”

“Baby.” Toby stretched and smiled. “Let’s find some food.”

“We should lift weights.” Elliot thought food sounded good. “And then we’re gonna work on my problem some more.”

Toby got off the bed and grabbed him for another kiss. “I could run to the pharmacy.”

“Take the limo. You’ll get back faster.” Elliot grinned. “You think Felipe would mind if we made out in the limo?”

“No, but I would.” Toby laughed and moved away to get some clothes. Elliot scooped his up and went down to his part of the house. He found some sweats and a blue wife-beater - no reason to put on a suit. A stray thought made him go to the mantle, and he took down the picture of Chris. It was one he hadn’t seen, and Chris was smiling.

Elliot rubbed his thumb across his brother’s face. “Don’t worry, Chris. I’ll watch out for him.”

Chris smiled.

**********  
End


End file.
